<p>Some people leave all their money to their pets. I’m not exactly sure how that works, but at least your mom isn’t leaving your college fund to the dog.</p>
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<p>My aunt is leaving me (and my sister) a property worth (slightly) over $100K. Her son was adopted and she feels he wouldn’t fully understand the significance of this property, especially since despite living only a few hours from it, they never go there, he was an older adoptee so he’s only seen the property since he was 8 or 9, and other stuff. A step-relative sold 6 acres of the property many years ago, so she’s being protective.</p>
<p>As for college saving funds, my aunt also provided a considerable amount. She started it before she had children, but she does continue to add a little bit. When she first adopted, it wasn’t clear if her son was going to be able to go to college and it was never much of an option for her daughter, who is deaf-mute and developmentally delayed. My sister couldn’t go to Northwestern without the money that my aunt, my maternal grandparents, and my great-grandmother provided. </p>
<p>It’s your mother’s money. I’m not upset that my father gives a considerable amount of money to my niece, his grandchild. My aunt’s son, is not upset that he won’t inherit certain things. </p>
<p>When people have died, one of the last things I was thinking about was money, even if I heard in the background that I had inherited $10,000, or that I would be getting a house. My mother and aunt inherited 4 houses, among other things, when their mother died, and it’s been more of a burden than a blessing.</p>
<p>I will just say, in the OP’s defense, that sometimes people do make very strange, and to me wrong, decisions in giving or willing assets to relatives. In some cases, for example, they will give substantial sums to relatives who repeatedly squander the money, while not treating their own children the same way. A few things in the OP’s first post make me think that he believes that this is the case here. It’s not exactly a matter of entitlement, but it can be very frustrating. I have to say, though, that it’s very difficult to do or even say anything about it, because the person who’s doing it will probably not react well. Most likely (in my opinion) this is being done out of some sense of guilt or obligation, and pointing out the (apparent) unfairness will not change the behavior, but is more likely to cement it.</p>
<p>Yikes. Reading this makes me glad that my parents and in-laws have very little, and we will likely have very little, and everybody in both our families has pretty much made their way as best they can, with <em>ad hoc</em> help from parents and grandparents but with no legacy looming to distort one’s view of life and relationships.</p>
<p>Maybe being rich really isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.</p>
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<p>Wow. A very sad reminder that adoption is not for everyone. I feel very sorry for this man and it has absolutely nothing to do with money.</p>
<p>echo Pugmadkate posts.</p>
<p>There are some statistics on how health care eats at personal wealth in that person’s final six months of life. And that includes health insurance for those under 65, medicare + medicare supplemental insurance for over 65. Unless one dies quickly, health care will eat at that wealth leaving the heirs very little to nothing, that includes real property and cash assets.</p>
<p>Wow…you’re right…I’d completely forgotten about the story about the woman leaving everything to her dog…
No, my cousin’s family did not aid her in coming to the US; my mom came here on a scholarship. No, my cousin’s family does not take care of my grandparents; my OTHER cousin’s family does. Yes, I do feel extremely hurt because it feels like my mother loves my cousin just as much as I do…I forget who said that, but I don’t know…I lived away from my parents until elementary school (due to financial reasons), so is my mother maybe somehow psychologically associating me with an adopted child who “doesn’t fully appreciate the value of the estate”???
I understand that it’s HER money, I’m just so hurt because my cousin’s mom (who’s somewhat estranged from the rest of our family) was a decietful woman who tried to get as much money as possible out of my grandparents and even hired thugs to beat up my uncle (true story!!), and I’m (based on observations) worried that my cousin is the same way (minus the thugs)??</p>
<p>yellowismellow - Life is often unfair. Sometimes it’s REALLY unfair:</p>
<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/752287-brother-died-suddenly-what-next.html?highlight=brother[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/752287-brother-died-suddenly-what-next.html?highlight=brother</a></p>
<p>I know someone that this happened to more than 20 years ago. The “truth” never came out until the will was read. The “only child” (in this case a male) turned out to actually have a sibling, a girl, who was being raised as his “cousin”. There was a lot of shock in that family when the truth came out but it certainly answered a lot of questions.</p>
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<p>Maybe I should have explained better. I didn’t mean to make it sound as if she loves him less (and he’s a boy, just over 16, not a man) or anything. He doesn’t like the place. He hates it, refuses to go there, and most likely would sell it. Not to mention the mess of having 3 or 4 people own a place. Even then, it’s the pattern in my family for it to go to the children of one person. There’s no doubt that my grandmother’s cousin wanted to own the property, that his children did, but my grandmother’s grandmother gave it to her and her mother. And she gave it to my aunt and my mother, and they are giving it to me and my sister.
He loves his mother and she loves him. I love him and he loves me. We all love each other very much. Adoption was for her and he hardly feels sorry for himself. I think it’s unfair to decide that he must live a pitiable life based on one sentence.
I mentioned that he was adopted because I do believe it had something to do with the decision (or maybe my grandmother just put it in her will as such) and because it had a bearing on some of my aunt’s other decisions, such as her continuing to contribute to college funds for my sister and me, that I mentioned in the post.</p>
<p>Someone I knew showed at his father reading of the will to only find out his father had another whole set of family, complete with children, that he never knew about.</p>
<p>I’ld suspect there is something more to OPs story. Possibly OPs grandparents could only pay for one child to go to US, and OPs mom was chosen. </p>
<p>I dont think only only child people would have this question. Any situation where parents estate is going to other than charity and or kids split evenly will have this question. Second marriages can get even more difficult.</p>
<p>A parent has every right to leave her money to anyone she wants, and to inform her only child that she plans to do so, thus hurting child’s feelings with no explanation, as would seem to be the case here.</p>
<p>But in a few years the power dynamic can change. The only child similarly has every right to never visit the aging mother, to withhold contact with future grandchildren, etc. Not saying OP would, but the landscape looks different as parents age, and the child becomes the independent and capable one.</p>
<p>That street runs both ways.</p>
<p>I don’t know why the OP is worrying about this now. There’s no indication that the OP’s mother will be dying any time soon. If she’s the age of many college students’ parents, she is likely to live for several more decades, and her financial situation and her will could change a great deal by then. For all the OP knows, there may not even be anything to leave anyone.</p>
<p>My parents have showed us their wills–I think it’s important to get all this stuff in the open before there is a death in the family.</p>
<p>My mother would always say that she lived frugally so that there would be something for her kids after her death. We all told her to not worry about leaving any of us anything, but she could really help us all out by NOT RUNNING OUT OF MONEY BEFORE SHE DIED.</p>
<p>That’s my priority!</p>
<p>I know some people who have taken out home equity loans, figuring to pay them off when an aged relative dies. Well, grandma is in her 90s and still plugging along…</p>
<p>My folks are in their 8th decade and still driving, golfing and doing all they want to do including travel. Dad still works full-time at a job & profession he loves! I expect they’ll keep going for another two decades or more, like their relatives have as they’re in perfect health & see their doc annually who confirms this!</p>
<p>Ironically, the documents representing the culmination of three meetings with an estate attorney arrived in today’s mail for DH’s and my signatures. Once we had settled on our intentions, we sat down with our children to lay it out for them. We’ve got nothing to hide and wouldn’t want to spring anything on them after we’re gone. Hence, I can’t relate to those who wonder why this mom has been so open with her child.</p>
<p>I have to sympathize with the OP if the circumstances are exactly as described. Why should s/he shop at KMart while the favored cousin is sporting designer duds courtesy of mom?</p>
<p>Worrywart, I understand your pov but the fact is that the OP has no control over his mother’s money. He can stay angry over something he cannot change or he can accept that his mother is a flawed human being like the rest of us.</p>
<p>I agree that the OP is not entitled to a dime of her mother’s money. By the same reasoning, however, the mother is not entitled to a minute of caregiving in old age from her daughter.</p>
<p>Or perhaps she would like to spend half the year in China living with the first cousin when she is infirm, and the other half living with the daughter here in the U.S.? I am just being snarky here, but actually I think it is a little strange to put a niece before one’s own child in any way.</p>
<p>“Maybe we should all be mature enough to not equate bestowing money with bestowing love or acceptance or approval, but are we really?”</p>
<p>Lots of people bestow money as a symbol of acceptance or approval. When they do that, it’s natural for heirs to take the message as it was meant. My parents have discussed their wills with me because I’ll be their executors if they are incapacitated. They want everything split exactly equally among their four children, without regard to our relative need, or our behavior toward them, or anything else. They view this division as a message of their equal love for all of us, and our equal status in their eyes.</p>
<p>Of course, we don’t know what’s going on with the OP.</p>