<p>We had a family situation whereby H’s parents changed their will to 1/4, 1/4, 1/2 for each of their 3 children (H being one of those receiving the 1/4). Stupid, but eh. Then, after a squabble, H was cut out entirely. H and parents made up, and all is well, but don’t know if he was ever reinstated. Don’t care. It’s so much more freeing to adopt the attitude that you are owed nothing. Seriously!</p>
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<p>I really don’t understand this line of thinking and I never have. Once S is done with college, we will modify our wills to put money aside for our neices and nephews college educations. I believe they will understand that because we took into account that one of our siblings is a teacher and the other has an MBA from Harvard does not mean we love them unequally.</p>
<p>If they need the money to be divided up equally to understand that we love them equally, then I consider that a failure on our part while we were living and building our relationship with each of them.</p>
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<p>Amen!</p>
<p>Another fun complication is the step children- what is fair? Equally divided assets? What if the bio (non step parent of one of the step siblings is wealthy and one is poor, is it still fair to divide evenly?)</p>
<p>Also, the prodigal son/daughter. I know a family where a daughter was disowned for 10-15 years for negative behaviors, then came back into the fold for a few years, and now is not very involved with the family, but still on good terms. That daughter actually gets more in the estate plan than the other two kids who toed the line all their lives.</p>
<p>Having worked in an estate planning office for a few years, I saw some interesting examples!</p>
<p>I have no idea what I’ll leave to my children, but if I died now, they’d be shocked how little they’d get. The economy has done a number on our various 401Ks and investments. </p>
<p>Myself, I’d rather not be left anything by my own parents and in-laws. I’d be much happier if they spent all their money on themselves. I’d love for them to splurge, splurge, splurge: take luxury vacations, hire a personal chef to cook for them several times a week, get massages, mani/pedis - the works. They deserve it. They worked hard, saved, put kids through college, have been unfailingly generous to their grandchildren. It’s now time to pamper themselves, and I wish they’d do it, with gusto.</p>
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<p>Isn’t it a shame that parents use the will as punishment for a child’s 'bad behavior".
My H was in and out of his aunt’s will only to have to use the small amount of money she left him and his other cousins to actually pay for the funeral.
She should just have just designated the money for the funeral rather than cause hard feelings amongst the cousins.
So yes the moral of the story is: expect nothing from anyone.</p>
<p>I am surprised that any parent would bestow his/her estate in any way other than equally among his/her children. I would be incredibly hurt if my parents did this to me (gave more to some siblings over others) for any reason, exactly for the reasons stated by Hanna (a symbol of loving us equally). We siblings are perfectly capable of helping each other out if there is a financial issue. I would never want to take the risk of hurting my children after my death. Parents who do this seem like control freaks.</p>
<p>Wow. Two really amazing points.
- Yes, I DO have the right to withold my children from my mom ten, twenty years from now. I’ll just let future H’s mother be the only grandmother. Solution solved, thanks, I feel better now.
- You’re right, I would feel so much better if my mom just spent all the money on herself…she’s been through a lot and I really think she deserves to be pampered every once in a while. I think I’ll buy her a spa gift certificate with my next paycheck and encourage her to spend more on herself once I get (in and) out of college…</p>
<p>We had planned to die broke. However, since the RE and the Equity markets are crashed and trashed, we are now planning to be broke before we die. </p>
<p>DS is on his own with a increasing net worth. We may be asking him for cashflow money before long. In hopes that the investments will someday recover for his use.</p>
<p>When he was small our wills stipulated that S would not receive the entire legacy all at once but when attains a certain age.</p>
<p>… And to inherit the family’s name and throne, to be legitimately married to his one true love by 30yo.</p>
<p>…And to produce a heir by 3 yrs from marriage</p>
<p>…And to produce a male heir within 5 years of marriage.</p>
<p>…And to do so within our living life.</p>
<p>He knows the contents of the will. No pressure on us. :)</p>
<p>We’d really like to leave both kids something when we’re gone. Whether its in trust or not will depend on how mature they are. Jury’s still out on that one. I’ve seen kids inherit money outright and it can be a total disaster. Don’t know why parents do that.</p>
<p>^ My guess is that in those instances, the parents died unexpectedly young, and they didn’t plan for that in their wills. Based on our parents’ longevities, I expect my kids to be well into their 50s by the time we die. Our will makes provision for gradual payouts if we die before they reach their adulthoods, however.</p>
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<p>In our family, money is not a symbol of love at all. Money is money and love is love. </p>
<p>In fact, I find it terribly sad that the expection would be that the sibiling most in need would be expected to rely on the kindness of their siblings when the parents could have just taken care of that in their will. I’d much rather give my neediest child the dignity of being able to provide for themselves than placate a child who does not share our values concerning love and money.</p>
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<p>Well and touchingly put imho.</p>
<p>^^^^^^^^</p>
<p>I wholeheartedly agree with this as well.</p>
<p>Under most normal circumstances (and as of now in the case of our own) I would expect there to be a completely equal division between my children. However, if the situation were such that one child was far better off than another or there were other extenuating circumstances or some special need, I would never begrudge a parent for providing more for one child in a will. When my kids were younger I always taught them that fair does not always mean equal. Each one got according to their needs and what was appropriate at the time. I think that parents who buy into the “everything must always be equal” philosophy actually are doing their kids (of any age) a disservice. My opinion is that this mindset tends to create more jealousy between siblings, not less.</p>
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24 months ago this was true for my parents … it still is true for one … while the other loses their mind to Alzheimers. A startling change in a couple years … fortunately they had all their legal ducks in a row before things went downhill.</p>
<p>I know my father loved me. I know my mother loves me. If more of Mom’s estate goes to my siblings who need it, and less, or none, goes to me, I will still know my parents loved me. I don’t attach dollar figures to love.</p>
<p>that many who say they don’t equate money with love still qualify their opinion by saying they wouldn’t mind at all if their parents left more money to a sibling or relative “who needs it [more].”</p>
<p>Which implies to me that if you weren’t given an adequate explanation why your dis-inheritance was “fair,” or no explanation was apparent, you might still be troubled.</p>
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<p>It sounds like your siblings are not very kind and I find that terribly sad. </p>
<p>My parents do not have extensive knowledge of the finances of each of their children, nor should they be expected to. It would be very difficult, if not impossible, for them to accurately apportion their estate according to each child’s “needs.” I would not be selfish enough to burden my parents with knowledge of my financial needs while they are living, unless I were in such dire straits that I had no alternative. Perhaps I am in the minority, or maybe it is a cultural thing, but I think it is worse for parents to “bail out” their adult children just because they can.</p>
<p>Half of my DNA is running through each of our children. Half of my husband’s DNA is running through each of our children. They are all loved and equal in our eyes. They will share equally in our assets. They may do whatever they wish with their equal share of the assets. We are not going to manipulate or control them from the grave via our will.</p>