I spend about $100-$150 on my adult daughter. She doesn’t “need” anything as she’s quite self sufficient, so I treat her (us together) to some type of experience, a concert, a play, what have you. This year she relocated to HI from NYC and I’ll be seeing her in her new home in January. As a special treat we will take off for 2 days to the Big Island to hike the volcano - she’s paying her own airfare, I am picking up the rest (about $150). We enjoy making memories. (edited to add): when she was little, I would spend $5 a day for Hanukkah, and one experience, which would still come out to about $100 to $150 total.
"With an opening like the OP’s, I doubt that many posters will admit that they spend “a lot” on their adult children at Christmas. But I will admit that we do. "
I’m in this camp. Easily the amount in the original post, often more. My kids are in their early 20s. One in college, one recently out. Both are good kids, fairly frugal, but have limited means on their own right now. We are fortunate to have a comfortable life. So, we are generous on their birthdays and at Christmas - practical stuff like clothing and shoes but also some travel funds, ski equipment, $ for hobbies and such. It’s our way of paying it forward to the next generation and giving them some comfort, luxuries, and experiences now that they couldn’t other wise afford rather than having them wait until an inheritance. We have also funded some retirement savings for them the past few years to a) instill an investing habit and knowledge early and b) get that money working and compounding while young. They never expect it or take it for granted and could do without but if we can afford it and ease the way for them a tad, why not? Like @QuantMech, we spent some very lean and unfurnished years early on and I’m not sure that experience made us “better” people for having struggled.
I’m not a religious person but will add that one branch of my family is and they practice a good tradition that reinforces the Christ in Christmas and helps limit the materialism of the season. Each kid receives 3 gifts for Christmas - one to wear, one for fun (toy when they were little), and one for learning, usually a book - to represent the gifts from the Three Wise Men. I’ve always thought it was a smart idea for practicing Christians.
DD has always been a spender and DS has always been a saver. She likes new stuff, he likes making do with what he has, the older the better.
So we give money. Small stocking stuffers, but otherwise money. Sometimes DD wants something specific and expensive, so we shop for it before Christmas and even out the money in the checks we write.
Same with birthdays, but less money.
I will freely admit that I go wild around the holidays. I love everything about Christmas - the decorating, the food, the gifts - and I definitely go overboard with gifts for D and always have. She is more than self-supporting but I enjoy spoiling her with cosmetic items that are a bit pricier. This year I am treating myself to a trip to NYC with her. It will be a treat for me - I hope it’s one for her!
@TatinG "We give them what they need and cannot afford on their own. We give when the need arises. At Christmas, it’s just small items and sentimental things. So the spending at Christmas is minimal. "
Good for you. I feel like I do that also!!! Damn kids. SO expensive. Hehehe.
To me $500 does not buy a whole lot.
A couple under armor shirts, winter coat, pair of boots, maybe some new school clothes items and your done - $500 spent.
Shoot a few Vineyard Vines dress shirts and your close to that alone.
I love Christmas. We can afford it, so I go a bit crazy. That’s the key, I can afford it. This is my son’s first year working so an empty apartment and cabinets is what guides me. It’s really become a joke with the kids now as I say every year, I’m cutting back this year. Once they have spouses or significant others I’ll have to really reign myself in so I don’t appear insane. The funny thing is, I don’t really care about receiving gifts all that much. I want to be acknowledged, but I’m okay with a few small things. And my kids are not bratty or entitled and acknowledge I’m crazy, but in a fun, loving way.
Even when they are in their 20’s I (and they) still get a thrill coming down the stairs to see the big pile under the tree. I think I push our boundaries for affording their gifts but they are SO appreciative. H and I don’t exchange unless I see a thing or two I think he would like so I’m happy to put the focus on them.
About $100. Varies if there is some specific need (the iPhone the Christmas of senior year of high school but the family chipped in to help). Not different from when they were little to now, really.
Last year we gave each other a January vacation together, plus little stocking things. Definitely spent more than $100 on them that year, but so did they spend over $100 on it too.
I have three kids. My two older kids (30 and 27) have been out of college for a while and are quite comfortable. They really don’t need anything. My youngest (22) just graduated from college and he could use a few items. So, I’m still buying all three of them (and a SIL) a lot of stuff and spending a lot as we always have. I don’t really know how to pull back on the oldest two and still give a lot to the youngest. My oldest two kind of chuckle when I ask them what they’d like.
Adding…a few years ago my parents and my siblings began choosing an organization we wanted donations made to, so that is the main “gift” among my generation and the one above, though we buy something small for Christmas morning as well. My kids are still in the “get a present” group of grandkids.
I really don’t know what I spend—I am sure it varies from year to year. I buy items my kids say they want or I pay for experiences (ski trip or theater weekend in NYC). My kids aren’t entitled and appreciate what they have. One has an MBA, married, and self-supporting and one is in grad school. I enjoy giving gifts and I am fortunate to be able to do so. I grew up in a family of Scrooges. I think part of it was that my parents were immigrants and came from a culture (former Soviet Bloc country) where they didn’t do much to celebrate Christmas holidays. Plus, my folks were always worried about money (even when they were financially comfortable). They were obsessive. Money factored into every single decision—even something as simple as turning up the thermostat. It isn’t how I choose to live.
My gift-giving is based on my parent’s. They surely had a limit that I was never aware of.
As kids we either got a BIG gift based on wishes (bicycle tires comes to mind as the wish but I got a new bike!) or a bunch of smaller gifts.
I guess we spend a lot - I never calculate or add up. My only child - daughter - is very frugal and so we like to buy her stuff since she won’t treat herself. It also varies from year to year - when she needed a new iphone then I guess that year I spent more than other years. Same thing the year I got her a new macbook. Her gifts are typically a mix of clothes, food (fancy chocolate, hot cocoa, etc.), a video game, gift cards to her favorite lunch spots, and some fun little trinkets (book or fun socks or gloves.)
Around $125-150 apiece for S1, S2, and DIL for Chanukah. S2 also gets his transportation home paid for and we’re going to a basketball game he wants to attend while he’s home after Xmas. S1 and DIL sometimes get a joint gift instead of separate ones, especially if it’s an experiential gift.
I always admired the Christians who did the three gift thing, but never did it that way myself. My attitude is to just give with abandon, because that’s what I believe God does for us. So I don’t track spending. I enjoy giving to family, charities and people in need. I don’t think I’m especially generous compared to many people I know, but I do love the year end opportunities to bless people.
Put me in the slightly generous camp that gives thru the year. This year, gifts were heavy in the fall. First, apartment gift was 2 all-clad pots. Next month, $ towards sons new iPhone, 2 vineyard vines shirts, and fillers for his b/d. The g/f wanted/needs clothes, so she got that the following month for her b/d. Next month, flew them in for a family event. Hannukah package sent. Both are getting clothes.
In early years, my son didn’t regard clothes as a gift. He buys his own electronics. I want something to put in the box, so clothes it is
We don’t track by dollar amount. Every year, we have just gotten DS that one thing that he wants and a few smaller/stocking-stuffer items to open. This year, we are paying for his college class ring that he won’t get for a few months, so we have gotten him a few small presents (total < $200) to open Christmas morning.
I don’t track but I’d guess about $500 per kid. I’m not sure what I’ll spend on the 2 fiancés.
Over the years I’m sure my S has gotten the short end of the stick. His sisters have a lot more wants. He doesn’t ask for much. It’s a good reminder to me that I need to be aware of this.