@conmama I think you should do what you want. As I have observed here, i feel that a majority of posters are very fortunate and very generous to their children. Everyone has a different way of looking at things and a different budget.
If you want to cut back, then do it! I posted before that I wanted to concentrate on less things and my family was in complete agreement. I wanted to make the holidays more about being together and less about shopping and things.
I’m also not being even this year. One kid just got married, honestly they feel like they are drowning in “stuff”. People were so generous and they got package after package. They couldn’t even think of 3 things they wanted for our family gift exchange. I am bringing 3 80 year old grandparents to their house for Christmas this year. (Somehow this feels like herding cats). We are going to have a grand holiday celebration and concentrate more on being together than material stuff. But for his birthday, they wanted a grill so I sent a generous check for them to buy a good gas grill.
For the other kid, I’m paying 1/2 of her flight to come home. That’s what we agreed on, she wanted to pay for some but couldn’t really afford all (flights were ridiculously expensive this year). I’m also buying her a small gift or two that she asked for. But other than that, we are going to be together and that’s all I want. Her also.
I have family members who are taking the family on a trip for the holidays instead of gifts. They are spending a kings ransom on the vacation. I’m sure it’s easier than buying gifts but for us, it’s not in our budget and much more money than we would ever spend on presents. But then they have a different budget for everything than we do.
Of course the amount spent has to have some context. Some families just have more money than others!
My parents provided so much support to my husband and me when we were starting out, and really pretty impoverished, and we were always extremely grateful. We paid it forward to our own kids when they were in grad school and first jobs. We had the means and made sure they were comfortable.
Our kids are now at a point they have asked us to please not gift them more things. We did gift trips till the grandbabies came but no one wants to travel with babies. They are doing well financially and no longer want checks. Now it really gets challenging to come up with presents. This year I went through all the old photos to create new albums for them. Cost was practically zero. I have no idea whatsoever what I’ll do next year, but it won’t be something I can buy.
adding: They don’t even want gifts for the babies! And I am sympathetic because our kids always got way too much for Christmas from their grandparents. Still - I decided I can send one keepsake book each Christmas and birthday, with an inscription from grandmama & granddaddy.
I’ll admit to being very even with my gift giving to my kids. When they were younger, they both had the same number of gifts to open. Now that they are older, they might not have the same exact amount of gifts but it won’t be off by more than one or two and I will spend the exact same amount on both. It’s just my way. I’ve never wanted to show any inkling of favoritism or have any competition or jealousy among them.
Even if they are low on actual needs/wants for tangible gifts in a given year, they’ll get something - concert tickets, a gift card to a new, hot restaurant, ski passes or $$ for a travel fund.
" I wanted to make the holidays more about being together and less about shopping and things."
We’re making the transition. It’s more about festivities and food–just a party and fun–over “opening presents”. But it’s probably harder for me than anyone else. I don’t need a single thing–but love to give something special. When I do hit on that “special” thing for someone I love it!
For the last several years, my husband and I have said about 500 sounds reasonable. Then I start buying gifts and once I get to stocking stuffers, it’s closer to 700. He complains, and I tell him if he’d like to handle presents he’s more than welcome. Then he says I’m doing great, and everyone is happy
For years I’ve talked about doing less presents, and giving checks, but two of our three seem to still like coming down to the pile of presents, searching for theirs, etc. This year I seriously thought about a trip instead of many gifts, but timing was difficult, and I decided that was too hard. But I suspect we will give more before we give less. It’s my hope that we will take some trips together, mostly at our expense, before they settle down.
We encourage our kids to buy little, and certainly to not go into debt for Christmas.
I spend about $150 per daughter. One of said daughters on the other hand just treated me to an all expenses paid trip to Disney World with her this week.
Probably $400 including her stocking. Mainly clothes and pricier cosmetics that she can’t afford to buy herself. The rest will be silly stocking stuffers like a disco ball you can plug into your phone and camera lenses for her iPhone. I like shopping for the stocking stuffers the best.
Probably about $500 to $700. But they don’t get lots of extras during the year. And it will be practical things to like new soccer cleats, dress clothes and shoes. Though DS1 who is now cooking a lot is also getting some cookware and knives. And DS1’s GF is getting some nice bakeware because that is her thing.
Honestly, it depends on the state of our finances and the kids’ needs. When our finances are in great shape now and for the foreseeable future, we whatever I see and think they may like. When finances are tighter, we stick with one or two main presents and smaller ones. Sometimes I will also gift some money towards S’s backdoor Roth IRA. It works for us and we have found it brings us joy.
S has been quite generous and likes to buy us electronics. I think he’s buying me an iPad this year, though I didn’t ask and don’t really want one. I’m sure we will find uses for it that we hadn’t thought of. He bought me my iPhone 6s, which I love. We have asked and D has made us a lovely CD that has music she and we love. We also ask for gifts of meal preparation, which D has also given.
Around $500. This year, D and her boyfriend just bought a house (today!) so I’m thinking of a gift certificate to our local garden center, and some small other things. My son will be trickier this year. He’s still at home, but he graduated this year, and has been spending weeks away from home as he freelances for film production companies. He really needs a new camera, but that’s way more than we would spend for Christmas. Nobody needs physical “stuff”, but I was thinking maybe paying for a room in cool hotel nearby where he can invite his film pals for a party. It’s a fun town for his age group.Still thinking about that one.
Wow. Definitely different perspectives. I can’t remember a Christmas in my life when anyone has ever spent $500 on presents for me.
I don’t think we’ve ever spent $500 on all three of us put together, much less per person.
My H is Scrooge, no matter what our financial situation. Years ago, he cut out a clipping from the NYT about families who were “cutting back” on their Christmas spending. They were “cutting back” to roughly 3 or 4 times what we had ever spent. I was hurt and upset, it seemed like a huge slap in the face. I was the person who was making preserves and pickles and the like to give to friends and family, typically in a gift basket lined with a nice tea towel and some “extra,” like a Biscuits and Scones cookbook or a cast iron acorn muffin tin. I made Christmas cookies, I decorated the house (modestly). I bought nice toys for our S, but not as much as many people did. You would think that I was dropping $$$ at Saks. What a schmuck.
@consolation I love those! I’ve been asked to make pickled onions this year so we will do some similar gift basket-ing. I love the afternoon/evening my kids and I set aside to make food for gifts. We’ve done chocolates, cookies, cheese straws…it’s a lot of fun.
We are very very even, because my ILs are not. at all. My husband will get literally boxes and boxes and boxes, my oldest will get some weird thing appropriate for a 15 yr old (he’s 31) and my youngest and I sometimes get nothing. THey will often hand s2 money and say they just got really busy, sorry. And once my MIL apologized but she really liked the sweater she got me so she kept it and "will make it up to you later’.
Anyway, we are mindful, to a fault. I used to keep a notebook, just to be sure, and we’d wrap presents to make it even. Now that they are firmly launched We do 3 or 4 gifts even though I would do more .
@greenbutton, normally, I don’t worry about being “even” among the kids -one went in-state, and the other went to a private college, and I’m not giving any money for the difference, for example.
BUT, at Christmas, we try hard to be fairly even, regarding dollar amount spent, but not number of presents.
