Someone mentioned a retirement party. which made me think. Do I want a retirement party when that time comes or do I want to more quietly exit? I enjoy my job and am valued by my partners. I’ve worked with this firm in various capacities since its founding 30 years ago. I lead a branch office, and my branch co-workers will likely expect me to have some type of party. But the thought of a firm sponsored get together with some flying in for it and gifts makes me cringe. In my wife’s medical practice, the corporate overlords of the large health system employer don’t spring for a retirement party for the doctors, but her office co-workers have been throwing them at someone’s house with pot luck dinners and casual gifts. I could do that. I could always make my wife throw me a party and invite my co-workers and their significant others and also invite some family and close friends. That could be fun.
I have a friends whose husband retired last year. My friend was going on about how he had so many retirement celebrations, and the thoughtful gifts and notes he got from current and former co-workers. However, she wasn’t invited to any of them and was kind of disappointed by that. I assume one was probably company sponsored but others must have been put together by office mates. I think co-workers wanting to wish you well by taking you to lunch or having a gathering in your office is nice.
Good question. I retired during Covid (5 years ago 01/31/21) so I never had a chance to see many of my co workers in person to say goodbye. I had worked ther 12 plus years so I think I would have liked to have at least gone out to lunch or had a cake or something.
When I left my job, my coworkers had a goodbye lunch for me & a coworker who was also leaving. If it had only been for me, it would have made me uncomfortable because a couple of my coworkers were part of my decision to go. Several coworkers asked me to go to lunch with them separately, and I really enjoyed those lunches. I have met up with a couple former coworkers over the years since I retired … I miss the friends I worked with, but I don’t miss everyone I worked with!
It is customary in my organization - especially the higher up you are within the organization - to have a 2 hours blocked off in the conference room for a “party.” Everyone in the organization is invited to drop by. There’s usually a speech, presents, food, cake, etc. I have said I absolutely positively do NOT want that. When a friend retired, she had something similar, and said it was like attending her own funeral. I wouldn’t be the first to turn this kind of thing down, but it’s more uncommon than not.
Nor do I want to go out to lunch, dinner, coffee with anyone. I hate that kind of stuff now! I’ve said all that I want and will probably do is bring in biscuits/donuts, cake, maybe pizza for lunch for others to enjoy and that’s it.
We had one departmental co-worker who just disappeared. She didn’t tell anyone she was retiring. She could retire for years and said it was her plan not to tell anyone. She hated goodbyes. I can understand that.
IMO, a retirement “event” - lunch, potluck, dinner out, whatever - should involve a decision from the person retiring. The event is not for the company or the co-workers. If the person retiring is not up for an event that should be honored - the company can still send a letter of thanks, send a gift if that’s their thing. Co-workers can still stop by the person’s office, drop a card on their desk or bring them a donut to say “I’ll miss you”.
Sure we can all live through a retirement “thanks” event. But should we have to if that’s not our thing? I do not even like celebrating my own birthday in my personal life! I lived through an office luncheon that my small group of co-workers insisted (even when I requested none) on doing but should I have had to have that anxiety/obligation/put a smile on and cry tears (yes, I did - because I’m emotional and that’s one reason why I didn’t want an event!!)??
LOL. Maybe this is what I am afraid of!
My husband was unceremoniously dumped from his job. Even though he had already filed his retirement papers
He did not want a party. He would have liked to have had the opportunity to say goodbye to his team. That’s what hurt.
One of his employees wrote him a letter saying how much he enjoyed my husband as his boss. That meant a lot.
This seems to be the way of the corporate world these days.
Reading about how your husband was mistreated makes me angry. Yes, corporate America playing ugly tricks.
My husband was similarly dumped with the difference that he had no intention to retire. I can’t go into details of what happened, but after some back and forth the HR decided that it would be best to make it look like he was retiring. A big party with a happy face was one of the conditions for getting $$ and the next year bonus. So he was sent off with a big shebang. 
No parties at my place thankfully!
I retired 8/2020… so no thoughts of a party (which was OK - the majority of my coworkers were from other states and countries). But… one of my coworkers organized the most lovely tribute at one of the last big-group team meetings I attended. Also there was an online announcement, where so many of them added such nice comments - I printed it before I lost my employee access. Maybe when I am having a low day I will go reread them.
That is awful and a double slap in the face. 
This is the way I handled the luncheon my coworkers insisted on doing - I put the focus on them and off me! Lol. I went around the room and told each one something special or notable about our work relationship or their role in the office culture that was good for the office. And this is where I cried. 
Not wanting a shindig does not (always) = not wanting to say goodbye to coworkers or is not a “see ya folks I can’t way to get out of here”.
My boss (dear life friend) knew I would make skidmarks leaving the office on my last day, so he suggested that the five of us who made up the department have lunch at a favorite watering hole and not bother to return to the office. You know, the same as we did most Fridays.
I’m still looped in with this group. We worked together at three different companies over the years always hiring each other. I was the boss at the first company, another was boss at the second, and my dear friend became boss at my last company. He’s the only one still working, but he’s counting the days. When he retires, it will still be the five of us taking that half-day lunch.
Odd one out as usual.
When I retired, I wanted a party. My school team planned it. There were well over 100 people, all folks I had worked with as well as two full tables of my family and close friends. The team did a great job organizing this party, and it really was fun.
DH and I were also taken out to dinner by the superintendent of schools…and that was nice too. And then my closest working colleagues had a brunch a few weeks later.
I now organize the “Not Back to School Breakfast” every year the first week of school…starting about 9 ish…because we can. Retirees only. We are up to about 25 people each year now.
I don’t miss my work one bit, but I would miss the people I liked if I didn’t see them periodically.
One thing that is becoming more common is working with people who do not live in the same state, or even the same continent. This leads to the question: What happens when the large majority of your coworkers are scattered around the world? I would not expect people to fly from India and California for a retirement party in the northeast of the US.
What I can think of would be to have a sort of informal virtual retirement party on-line.
I think you should do your retirement exactly how you want, for yourself, whatever makes you comfortable. You only retire once (usually).
My husband did the standard airline pilot retirement. After his planned last flight, he taxied in between two fire trucks with the water spraying above him in an arch, to waiting family and friends with flags and balloons, and a party. For mine, I told nobody, not even my husband, and after we taxied in, my first officer asked me, “Is this, by any chance, your last flight?” I said, “Maybe. 50/50 chance”, and then texted a picture of myself standing by the airplane to my husband, saying,”I’m done”. He knew what that meant, and it was too late for him to arrange anything. We both went out exactly as we wanted to. It’s very pleasant to retire the way YOU want to, and not anyone else.
@DadTwoGirls - I should follow up on my ref’d post, clarify that my group event prior to retirement was online (zoom-like). It was a regular weekly big-group international meeting. Had I known there would include a tribute for my retirement, I would have prepared. Alas, it was a tough week (my mother had died recently) and I had been up for earlier worldwide calls. Had just snuck in a shower working at home, attended with wet hair and camera off. Just as well that I was audio-only as it all made me a bit teary.
“have” my wife versus “make my wife”…..
We see members of the company (mostly retirees but a few actively still working) at a quarterly calendar date people-driven lunch spot (Newk’s - I love their Shrimp Po Boy Sandwich!) - DH has worked for many years at this company and I worked a few years there as well. If I am out of town, DH won’t go on his own volition but will go along with me. I have heard and enjoy a lot of the stories on ‘old times’ - especially as I have known these individuals by name and responsibilities, and the company transitions over the years as well. Ownership of the firm transitioned four times over the years (since DH joined the firm in 1983 with last transition in 1999). The last transition lost him a pension (so those higher earning years) - company kept 401k and matching. DH’s age (and lack of government security clearance) would keep him from getting into similar type of work in our area, so one just continues to save in other ways w/o pension consideration.
DH’s last boss doesn’t go to these retirement group luncheons, thankfully (he was in over his head and as a non-engineer did not know how to handle talented engineers like DH). DH retired earlier than planned because of poor treatment by his boss (he left his two-weeks’ notice on the boss’s desk). The boss messaged that he wanted to see DH, then waved the paper around “do you really want to do this?” — uh, yes (while thinking hell yes). I actually had worked for this same guy many years ago when he was a manager but not plant manager - he was OK back then when he was not ‘over his head’ in the job.
Back in 1994, DH’s work group threw a baby shower for us - he worked with a lot of wonderful people.
No retirement anything at his exit, which was fine with DH.
MIL was a long-time first grade teacher. Her principal had been a pupil of hers. He wouldn’t assign the aids to do playground duty - he was doing everything he could to force out senior teachers to help with the budget - MIL was at the top of the pay scale. MIL put in her retirement notice days before the deadline - she did not want to be part of retired teacher celebration. And I do not blame her one bit. She did medically required hip replacement surgery after she retired - she did not want to interrupt her students’ education for the school year, even though she had a huge built-up bank of sick days.
This may be a good weekend to stay inside, start looking at the taxes….