When we did our wills recently…this was one very good piece of advice the estate lawyer gave us. If one of us dies, the other needs to change the beneficiaries everywhere that the dead person was listed. We mentioned this to our kids so they can remind whichever one of us needs to do this.
I was involved with the settling of an estate where the no longer living person was on a few things as beneficiary, and the second person died. We had to deal with that first…which could have been avoided if the beneficiary designations had been changed.
I’m grateful that my FIdelity 401K allows designation of primary beneficiary and contingents. I have it set for 100% husband, then contingent if he’s gone is 50/50 for the two kids (though I am considering update to 49/49/2% for my church).
My mom is intestate, which is annoying, since I even paid a significant fee so she could use our estate planning service, but she didn’t get to it. My parents never liked to consider that they would pass away. I’m not sure if the beneficiaries are updated, but they might be. I do need to make sure her other documents are updated as well. Fortunately I did get her to put me and my sister on her documents as power of attorney for finances and healthcare.
This is not uncommon but something I have never understood.
My in-laws didn’t get wills until it came up one day that they didn’t have them. I was incredulous - “You don’t have wills?!”
It’s particularly shocking to me for ostriches (oops, I mean people) who have minor children. Naming guardians for minor children is SO important. It needs to be decided by the parents and discussed with the person(s) you would want to assume that role. Needless to say, dh and his sister were far into adulthood when it came out that mil and fil didn’t have wills.
What if you give all your money to your husband, and he remarries and shares it with his new wife? Wouldn’t it be wiser to split it—50% to your husband and 50% to your children?
We updated our estate planning after moving to California - new will, trust, medical type authorizations etc. It’s a collection of tons of info in one place. There’s only the one single son so it’s not very complicated. He’s visiting soon and we may go in with him for a review and any updates. I did show him our folder on a previous visit so he’d have a general idea of what is involved in estate planning. All of our financial accounts are TOD/POD, and the house is in a family trust.
At his request, last year we put together a shared spreadsheet which includes info on who to contact for house and yard work and repairs, what ongoing bills and subscriptions are being paid, and other personal and professional contacts. The actual account numbers and passwords are elsewhere, which he’s been told about and likely doesn’t remember.
Husband and I are just beginning a discussion of our final wishes. This will be complicated because he doesn’t want to spend eternity among strangers in San Diego, so to speak. I absolutely don’t want to end up where his family abides back east. Not to mention I can’t even imagine how one would manage a cross country out-of-state funeral and burial while in the initial stages of grieving. I suspect son just doesn’t want to eventually have to make any decisions so I would like to have some of this at least written down if not paid for.
Personally, I wouldn’t mind landing up in one of the celebrity cemeteries in Hollywood. Like the place Johnny Carson used to make fun of. Or scatter me in the ocean like Cary Grant.
This is always a possibility and something to consider.
I do think most people (absent setting up some kind of trust) leave 100% to spouse. Rightly or wrongly, I trust my husband enough for him to do right by our ds should I kick the bucket and he remarries. But, I’ve seen this go sideways in certain situations as well.
I will say this - if ds ever marries and gives me a granddaughter, I will be doing a holographic codicil for her to get my jewelry.
Yeah, with minor children, yikes. Though I guess some people don’t even have a plan for what would happen with them. They just hope their family figures it out for the kids.
An elder law firm we have gone to, the managing partner (owner?) has a radio show, and I heard him say that it’s not a huge deal if you have to go through probate in Washington state, it’s relatively short and straightforward. The main thing is naming beneficiaries on accounts, which made it easy for my mom when my dad passed away. My grandma had a will when she died, and the bank didn’t even want to look at it.
My sister, who is a lawyer, and I (lots of finance experience) were co-executors of my mother’s estate. A will carefully done in NJ and then revised when she moved to Tennessee. I took ages to go through probate in Tennessee. It took a while to get me approved because I was not a resident. No real point to it, but lawyers and judges something to do. We had to close the case before the assisted living facility returned the 90% of what she had put down to “purchase” here unit there. We had to get the facility to agree to send the money off directly to the four children when they finally paid (at least two years later). We needed to amend whatever we were doing for that.
Yes, that could be something to consider… more for RMD reasons that worries about husband’s next wife. (He’s 7 years older but certainly could outlive me. But based on our discussions, I feel pretty certain he would set up the inherited 401k with kids as beneficiaries (will confirm tonight). I was going to say he’d set up a trust before remarrying, but I think 401k/IRA assets are not part of trusts.
Certainly remarriage / new spouses can be a concern. I deal with those worried now regarding my dad and his wife. I’m glad he has a will (dividing assets between her and his grandkids), but we also helped him with some beneficiary setups that will make probate easier someday.
The new spouse problem has reared its head near me. One of my employees asked for my advice. She and her husband divorced with one son who is about to go to college. The husband’s father had agreed to put up $200K (he had done so several times in emails) and the parents each $100K, even though my employee who does well now makes significantly less than her husband. After collectively visiting several of the colleges, the grandfather said, “You shouldn’t even visit the other colleges as we all agree this one is best for you. He reiterated that he was putting up $200K and they all bought college sweatshirts.” He went back home to his new spouse and a day later said he wasn’t feeling like selling assets and paying cap gains taxes and brokers’ fees so he was not going to contribute. He said that he was setting aside assets for the grandchild in a trust.
I suggested that the grandson ask if he could borrow the $200K against his inheritance. My employee proposed that she up her payment by a modest increment, that her ex by a lot to match his higher income, and that if the ex receives and inheritance, she gets a repayment of the increment. I think they partially resolved it, but she may need to go back to family court to get him to pay more.
Even if there is a will, unless assets are placed in an irrevocable trust. a new spouse (or whims) can change everything at any time.
could grandpa cash flow $50k/year without having to sell assets? He could make the payment directly to the college to pay tuition and it woudl be exempt from any estate tax.
My suspicions align with @CFP. Grandfather wants to seem like the fabulous, generous grandfather but got cold feet, likely in conversation with new spouse, and offered up the trust/inheritance to put off having to actually deliver. He had been promising this for a few years and knew that he would have to sell, so it wouldn’t have come as a surprise at the last minute. Not clear if he ever will give the money – maybe if it exists after he dies and after spouse gets her cut. That was why I suggesting borrowing against the asset – maybe borrowing a certain amount against it each year.
Stating the obvious, it’s pretty nasty of the grandfather to make the kid and parents think he was going to contribute, and then backing out at the last minute. One of the things I always advise when thinking about colleges is make sure kid understands how expensive each college is, and what the budget is, along with any loans that will be needed and who will pay them.