<p>I’m having a frustrating day (week, month, life) with my 17 year old teenage son. He’s my second but he’s even tougher to communicate with then S1. Actually S1 (almost 20) and I get along pretty well now.</p>
<p>How much do the rest of you get out of your teenage sons? Any secrets on getting them to open up more? I thought he would have outgrown his monosyllable approach by now. But instead he just seems to resent my attempts to connect and seems to consider me the enemy more so than with his dad. Aaaahhhh!</p>
<p>As a son, I can say that often I just get too wrapped up in worries about school and ECs and college to care about talking with my parents. Try to catch him on the weekend when he is relaxing and doesn’t have a load of work to do, that will help.</p>
<p>My oldest is a D, and she shared a lot with me (still does). S was very talkative when he was little but is now a “man of few words”. So I have the same question, cbug.</p>
<p>I found boys age 17-20 to be a really difficult stage. I got very little out of them at that age. They said I was on a NTK (need to know) basis. Almost 20 seemed to be the magical age when they got better.</p>
<p>My son is only a freshman in HS and he’s definitely not very forthcoming about his day. But I know he listens to me because every once in a while, he’ll remind me of something I’ve said (usually because he wants to debate it.) So I think my job at this stage is to just communicate my values as well as I can, both verbally and by my actions, and then do my best to let him know that I’ll listen without judging.</p>
<p>My ex-teenage son is now 25 and back living with us. Just started first ‘real’ job.
Saving pennies for his own first place.</p>
<p>STILL a man of few words. Especially when he obviously is wrapped up in preparing something for work or stuck on a football game. Two equally important things to him I think.</p>
<p>I do try to catch him when he’s swooshing through and whistling…and can have some good conversations then. Mostly, he’s self centered.</p>
<p>Every once in a while he surprises me with a ‘Love ya’ as he’s going out. The other day it was ‘thanks for cleaning my bathroom’. Nope, it’s just the second BR downstairs and not ‘his’ but he’ll be gone soon enough and I will miss him!</p>
<p>Having the same issue with only son across the country at college. But he was that way before he left, so not sure why it surprises me so much. I am of course worried (is he ok, is he sleeping, how are classes going, is he making friends, etc) and all he says is he’s doing fine. </p>
<p>I made him call me the other day and we had a 15 minute discussion where I let him know how I was feeling and he let me know that he was trying to be independent and that I needed to relax. </p>
<p>So I am taking my que from him and trying to relax and let him be. He emailed me today and let me know when his finals were so I could make airline reservations and I had to send a text asking more details and he responded. So I know he’s alive!</p>
<p>Am now looking forward to “relaxing” and him reaching the age of 20 (LOL).</p>
<p>PS Am a little jealous of friends with daughters who seem to get so much more info…</p>
<p>With S I had what I called the “daily rundown” because he had a tendency to forget this or that assignment. We would talk about what happened in each class. S is a chatterbox, so not really a problem. D on the other hand…</p>
<p>Teenage son doesn’t communicate? Completely normal. Welcome to my and wifey’s world with our 18-year old son. Funny though, how they seem to do just fine in the communication skill’s department when they want or need something!?</p>
<p>Both of mine have been shockingly talkative, sometimes to the point of TMI. OTOH, almost 21-yo S recently told me how much he appreciated that he could talk to DH and me, because he had so many friends who never felt that could have that kind of relationship with their parents. (My hunch is that it’s not that the parents were specifically or exclusively at fault, but that the kid believed there were obstacles to communication that may or may not actually be present.)</p>
<p>I will say that what worked for me was conversation in the car. LOTS of conversations in that little space. Neither one drove during that time period, either, so it was an avenue that remained open longer than usual.</p>
<p>I hear more from my son when I’m not asking any questions. If we’re driving in the car or something like that, he’ll just start talking. It doesn’t happen as much if the music is on, so our rule on longish drives is equal time music on or off. He thinks it’s because the noise gets to me, but it’s really because he’ll start talking if there isn’t music going…</p>
<p>My son speaks mumblish. Perhaps your son’s know the language?
He also is not a chatterer, unless he wants to procrastinate doing something like homework. Then, he wants to share. I had been told that many boys don’t enjoy (or tolerate) small talk until they are in their twenties. Tonite he has been very talkative though, he just came in to my room again to say hello. He still has a few hours of HW to do and he dosen’t feel like doing it. If only he wanted to hang out with me on a Friday evening or during the summer…</p>
<p>As someone who was that uncommunicative with my parents from 14-22, I’d say it is an attempt to assert independence through control of information, trying to manage some overwhelming changes with limited mental resources, and in my case…some latent rebelliousness from father’s enraged reaction over my admittedly mediocre high school grades. </p>
<p>The last part meant I communicated much more with mom than dad. It also meant father never saw my undergrad grade reports until we patched things up 5 years after I graduated from college despite the fact I was pulling grades most kids would be proud to show their parents. Granted, pulling that off was a unique case as a near-full ride college scholarship at my private LAC and my working part-time/summers meant they couldn’t use the “I paid for your college, therefore I deserve to see your grades” argument with me.</p>
<p>Food. My sons are much more forthcoming if I offer to take them out to eat. Last night, after the Homecoming dance, I took ds2 and two friends out for a midnight breakfast and got all kinds of juicy tidbits.</p>
<p>My 17 year-old son talks to me a lot. We talk in the car, we are alone at the dinner table (other kids have moved out and DH works late) and we talk, we go for walks and hikes and talk. But he is a very talkative person and likes to discuss things. My middle son also talked a lot, but my oldest son was less talkative. I agree that the car is a good place to talk (by which I mean listen). I’ve found walking to be good way to foster conversation as well. Also, DS and I will read the same book (he’s a big reader) and then we’ll talk about what we’ve read, like our own book club of two. That’s a more specific, focused kind of conversation. Maybe there is a shared interest that you could focus on to spark conversation. In other words, something besides “how was your day?” where it might feel like you are mining for personal information he might not want to share.</p>
<p>I seem to get information from my son on a “need to know” basis. His mother died some time ago and he will be 20 in a few months. We used to communicate a lot in high school, but much of it was disinformation. Still, I think that we are close and he does confide in me on occasion, but on his terms, not when I “check in.” While frustrating to me, he seems to be growing up reasonably well without seeking my sage advice though listening to me might have avoided a few pitfalls along the way. </p>
<p>I find it trickier with my 17 year old daughter in some ways. She is definitely pushing me aside, but has also become much more interesting and fun to talk to as she asserts her own personality and wicked sense of humor. Just as they begin to make me laugh, they leave and then want to spend time with their friends when they return. Probably for the good, but difficult at times.</p>
<p>S1 has never been interested in small talk, but we learned to find what subjects interest him and he is much more conversational since he started college. S2 used to be quite talkative, but seems increasingly annoyed when I try to talk to him. Though he seems to talk more when we take him out for dinner. He dislikes generic, open ended questions, so I am more conscious of asking questions that have specific purpose.</p>