<p>A good friend told me that when boys start high school they go into their rooms and come out 4 year later. ;)</p>
<p>Even in the car where I had hoped I’d have a captive audience he just slept.</p>
<p>FWIW: I was far from a monosyllabic kid, but I kept my parents on a need-to-know basis as far as personal information was concerned from about 15 to 22. I know it hurt my mother a bit. My sister and my brother shared everything – and I mean EVERYTHING! – with her (my youngest sister shared absolutely nothing, but that came later). Actually, for me it was more like a 6-8 month delay in sharing personal information. But what I was usually willing to do was to have more abstract conversations about politics or ethics, plays, movies, TV shows, etc. I wasn’t under pressure to provide personal information, so I could relax, and of course I was providing the most personal information of all: how I felt, how I thought, what kind of person I was. My parents had very little information about which girls I liked, or what college I wanted to attend, or whether I was using marijuana, but they knew how I thought about things and what my values were. And that was enough, really.</p>
<p>(I say my parents reflexively, but really it was just my mother. My father had no idea what was going on at all.)</p>
<p>This is a good article…</p>
<p>[Teenage</a> Brains - Pictures, More From National Geographic Magazine](<a href=“http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/2011/10/teenage-brains/dobbs-text]Teenage”>http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/2011/10/teenage-brains/dobbs-text)</p>
<p>My son has always talked to me but since he’s been at college we text more.</p>
<p>When i ask S how things are going, he says ok, but with a bright tone in his voice. I’ve resorted to asking him to clarify whether he means the ok as in “a-okay, things are fine and going generally well” or the ok as in “only ok.” 9 times out of 10 he means the former, but heaven forbid he say good or great! </p>
<p>My saving grace is that S is the kind of kid who, when he is happy, just beams and can’t even hide it. I saw him literally for 30 seconds last week and he was beaming.</p>
<p>As a 17 years old male teenager , I just have one advice for you .
Firstly , NEVER ask him anything if he’s not feeling like talking , I hate when my parents do that. If I answer their questions with simple yes’s or no’s they keep thinking they should keep asking and asking. DON’T DO THAT with your son . sometimes we’re in a really bad mood and don’t feel like talking .</p>
<p>But when he feels like talking ,Be a good listener , Ask questions , give opinions and be a parent. </p>
<p>These are the really most important 2 things I think my parents should know about me .</p>
<p>cbug:</p>
<p>I guess this comes with the territory.</p>
<p>My son, once he hit 17, started acting the same way.</p>
<p>Following up on JHS’s post</p>
<p>I always had luck asking about movies they had seen or books they had read. Perhaps because of that, mine still like me to read whatever they are reading so they can discuss it with me. They like to tell me what music I should be listening to but aren’t interested in my opinions on their picks. :)</p>
<p>If we are on the phone and they have nothing to say, I fill up the empty air with books, movies, etc. :)</p>
<p>edit: during the early teen years I learned a lot about role playing games and video games because that is what they wanted to talk about. or maybe were willing to talk about :)</p>
<p>now they are in grad school, I can usually get 15 minutes or half hour of conversation if I ask about a current research project. If that fails, I ask who is the most interesting professor this term. or most interesting new student in the program.</p>
<p>I’m 55 …and I don’t like to reveal too much to my parents.</p>
<p>They worry too much…</p>
<p>It’s tough. The best time we’ve found for having genuine conversations is at the dinner table. In general we found S1 to be more recalcitrant and less likely to “share” anything above and beyond general stuff that was going on his life. #2 was alittle more talkative and #3 is pretty good about talking about himself as well as life outside the confines of the house.</p>
<p>Parent of 17 year old, senior son. For us, it is all about time of day. Nothing but grunts and complaints in the morning before school; after school and in-between sports etc, it is generally all requests from him – for food, permission to go to girls’ game after practice etc. If I am driving, he will still talk a bit about friends, what is going on etc, though we usually are only in the car for 15 minutes so I get what I can. Once home and working, there may be some opportunities. Best bet for meaningful conversations about whatever is going on in his life, or big picture stuff is right before bed (which requires me to stay up as late as him – the real challenge), Once relaxed and done with his day, he will go on at length. Has always been a talker – sometimes, I would really rather not know some of this stuff (friends who are having sex, who is drinking to serious excess etc) but I appreciate that he is sharing and trusts me.</p>
<p>You are all right about dinner time yielding better conversations. However for us the best results come when eating out. The last time was on my birthday and we even all had some good laughs due to son giving us a dose of his dry yet goofy sense of humor. But I would say my husband is able to generate the most conversation based on their love of sports and at this time of year it’s football!</p>
<p>My 17-year-old son talks to me a lot – but only about politics, sports, and movies. I get barely any information at all from him about his friends, his feelings, what’s going on at school, anything personal, really. His entire social life is conducted outside the house and I hardly know his friends. My daughter is the opposite – very chatty about everything, and her high school friends were in my house practically every day.</p>
<p>The one topic I can get ds1 to talk about – incessantly – is sports. I instilled in him a love of baseball, but he takes it to the extreme. We can talk baseball forever. And last year, when he went away to college, the whole family got in on a fantasy football league. Mucho, mucho fun (and I’m the only undefeated team left this season, so I get bragging rights!). The only reason I joined this league was to have another point of contact with ds1, and it’s worked like a charm.</p>
<p>Figure out what that common ground is and meet him there. That way, you have lots of postive interaction that doesn’t feel like an inquisition. And then when you do ask him more personal questions he’ll be more receptive because that’s not the only kind of conversation you have.</p>
<p>We had pleasant unrevealing conversations (music, books, science) over sit down dinner every day when my kids were home. Both boys (still at 19 and 22) seem to be most talkative and revealing right before they go to bed. If I am on the computer they come in and chat. Somehow I seem to be less threatening that way, but you have to be willing to stay up late! I find the fewer questions I ask, the more I get told - and my younger son seems to be JHS Jr. I find out a lot months after it’s happened!</p>
<p>Our son barely spoke to us at ages 17 & 18 (now he’s 19, and away at college). Dinner was not a time for flowing conversation–especially in his senior year, when he had a huge course load and was stressed/depressed most of the time, and concerned about getting back to his homework. I just had to make a point of “being around” for those times when he did spontaneously open up–often before bedtime, sometimes at random times. This was frustrating for my husband, who was often busy/away except at mealtimes. I have to believe it will get better, but now that he’s moved on to college we certainly have no opportunity for daily interaction.</p>
<p>S1 was a non-stop talker as a little guy and gradually tapered off, as he grew older. It got to the point I would get very little out of him. At 17, he’s starting to talk a little more lately. Have to get him off the ipod sometimes. S2 has always been a non-stop talker and has not tapered off, yet. I’m not used to dealing with this as their dad was a great communicator and everyone in extended family has gift of gab.</p>
<p>mimk6 and I have the same son! My S1 (19) and I would go on walks, to the library, errands, etc. and talk and talk. We also read the same books and discussed them at length. S1 is not interested in talking about the weather, but he will discuss and social issue for hours. D (17) is starting to open up more. She spent several years being very remote, choosing to share primarily with her friends. I’m trying to figure out how to get S2 to talk more. He seems to speak the mumblish that someone above mentioned. He’s only 13 so I still have several years to figure out what works with him. It is amazing to me how different they all turn out when raised in basically the same circumstances (except birth order, which I believe is very important).</p>
<p>My 18 year old tests in the genius IQ range, had GPAs and test score out the wazoo, and glowing teacher comments throughout high school. I dont know where THAT kid lived, but the one who came in my front door every evening barely grunted hello. Two grunts were the equivalent of War and Peace. My husband (the step dad) and I joked that the kid had a really big future with the CIA, because getting information out of him was darn near impossible. </p>
<p>“Where are you going?”
“Out”
“With who?”
“A Friend.”
“Does your friend have a name?”
“yes”
“would you like to share your friends name?”
(grunt)
“WHAT IS THE NAME OF YOUR FRIEND YOU ARE GOING OUT WITH?”
“Bob”
“where do you know Bob from?”
“Around”
“Where are you going?”
“Hanging out.”
“Hanging out WHERE?” etc etc etc</p>
<p>You get the drift. And may I say he was never, not once, not ever in any trouble at school…never came home late…or under in the influnece…or suspicious in any way.</p>
<p>But darn the info just plain wasnt there. sigh.</p>
<p>The funniest thing is when the boys come in (and they all did and do this) with a herd of other boys and girls. They stand right behind whatever chair I happen to be sitting and start talking to me and I, unlike the movies and cartoons, can never spin my head completely around to see who the herd is or have an actual conversation. Son will talk and the herd will chime in with “Hi Mrs. yada yada” followed by whatever folklore, gossip, big game score, great play or whatever is happening in their lives and then they disappear with a bang of the door. My husband who generally will have a full view of the herd from his chair angle will lower his newspaper shortly after the kids depart, look over the top of his cheaters and ask me who “those kids were.” At least at a dinner table I can position myself across the table and look them in the eyes. I’m convinced without my mandatory dinner requirement they travel in packs for protection against protracted parent conversation.</p>