<p>Weekly check in call came tonight without the nudging text from my end. 10 whole minutes. Gee, I wonder if I need to up the “talk” minutes on the cell plan. This could be the start of something. @__@</p>
<p>If your teen son has a girlfriend - in town or elsewhere (like through a summer program,) would he let you know?</p>
<p>
I guess the short answer would be that it would depend on my “need to know.”</p>
<p>Around the second semester of eighth grade, we noticed that whenever we saw S at a band event, we saw a particular girl in the vicinity. Our suspicions were aroused. This being a small-ish town, I wasn’t surprised when a “church lady” asked me to tell her about S’s GF. Seems she’d verified my suspicions for me by questioning two classmates of his in a roundabout way. Need to know was established when he had to be driven various places.</p>
<p>Early in high school, we were at a regional band event and noticed that he and the principal French horn were talking quite a bit … during the performance. I noticed (recognized her picture as her avatar) that they were doing a lot of Facebook messaging afterwards. Since she was out-of-town-er, we offered to take her and her parents to dinner at the next regional band event. He turned eight shades of red and later turned us down. I guess our need to know wasn’t sufficient. </p>
<p>Summer before junior year, he had a summer program which featured a tour of Europe with a jazz ensemble. As we were walking away from their final performance at the camp that sponsored the program, he said to me, “I’m afraid I’m never going to see these people again.” I correctly assumed that “these people” was actually “this person” and told him that if was going to have a chance in hades it would require the cooperation of four parental units and that it was time to “man up or miss out.” This one, it seems, was worth it as she’s still in the picture. There have been a couple of visits and a return to camp the next summer. He’s still pretty tight-lipped, but he does throw us a bone from time-to-time.</p>
<p>S1, a college junior, texts when he needs cash or review a paper. An actual phone call? I would collapse in shock! We have shut his phone when he hasn’t picked up our calls for a few days. THAT gets a response ! </p>
<p>S2, high school senior…much better…for now.</p>
<p>I have one and he used to love talking to me, (or listening to me talk, lol). No more of that and my feelings are hurt. Where’s my baby??? :(</p>
<p>So mine didn’t call yesterday (Sunday being our somewhat agreed to day) and I was a tad disappointed. But I didn’t text or nudge (I have been traveling, was tired myself, and there’s a 2 hour difference betweem me in Tx & him in Cali so my energy was low last night anwway). </p>
<p>But out of the blue the call comes today, mid day, and un-nudged, and it was the longest one we’ve had since he left in August. (20 minutes)</p>
<p>He actually sounded interested in whats going on at home. Told me he loved me using all the words (not “yeah”, not “me too”, not “Ditto”). And he actually talked to me. Well sure, I was asking questions, but I got more than momosyllabic responses. I got full sentences—Subject, Verb, Explanatory Phrase~!!! Yee Haw. When I told him I missed mothering him and missed doing things for him, he laughed good naturedly and said “You can do a lot for me when I’m back at Thanksgiving then”. It was gentle Mom teasing…that’s pretty rare too.</p>
<p>Maybe the thing is to sit back, and really really let them come to you? (Admittedly it gets really old waiting sometimes, and the urge doesnt strike them as much as we wish…)</p>
<p>Maybe they really do change a bit by Thanksgiving (as mentioned upthread?)</p>
<p>Anyhow–I take my positives when I can get them. It made this the best Monday in a really long time.</p>
<p>I texted my son yesterday afternoon to see if he was alive. </p>
<p>He texted back that he is. :)</p>
<p>ProudMom - you give me hope! I do the text reminder on Sun pm, and he calls sometime thereafter but says as little as possible. Vague words, acknowledging when I say I love him but not replying (in kind or otherwise!). The one time I did not do the text reminder he did not call at all.<br>
emilybee - my son and yours could be BFFs!</p>
<p>@Steve…lol at the “man up or miss out”. Too funny. </p>
<p>@Siemom, Hey, I got a crumb! I’ll take it, but I doubt it’s the start of deeply revealing soul bearing chats. ;-/</p>
<p>I talk to my mom a lot and about a lot of things, mostly because she’s very supportive and never judgmental. I feel comfortable asking her to pick me up if I’ve had a little too much to drink, and we talk and joke about much of the same things I talk to my friends about. I think this is largely because of our culture. In Persian culture, kids and their parents have very close relationships. It’s weird for me to see my friends who barely talk to their parents at all.
I just hope I get into a college near home, so that I can visit frequently, but that I’m far enough away that I can be an adult.</p>
<p>
LOL!</p>
<p>I’d be happy to have a bone from time to time. :D</p>
<p>I love this thread. I’m glad to know I’m in good company! The stories about the girlfriends reminds me of a friend who told me that her just-out-of-college son was so tight-lipped about his romantic relationships that she didn’t know he had a serious one until she noticed what appeared to be an engagement ring on the finger of his female roommate who he had previously described as “just a friend,” and even when mom asked about the ring, son blushed and said, “she likes jewelry.” </p>
<p>I’m sure I will be the last to know when S has a girlfriend and I’m fully prepared to learn of any future engagement by receiving an announcement from the girl’s parents!</p>
<p>I have heard from friends whose sons have already left for college that they become more communicative away from home, if texting and skyping count as communication.</p>
<p>This is the most reassuring, supportive, sanity inducing thread I have ever read.
It is often heard to tell what is typical about S2 and What is part of him being an alien.</p>
<p>Emilybee, I will frame your post!</p>
<p>S2 just woke from sleeping through the ministerial stages of my submitting and paying for 6 EA’s (he did the actual apps, essays etc.)
me, excited voice, “Want to see that you just applied to 6 colleges?”
him, “No, mom, I don’t care.”</p>
<p>Today I almost lost it. I definitely aged a few years. I knew that DS had to take a physics test makeup today but not when. School lets out at 2:40 and at 5 pm I started to worry…no sign of DS (who drives himself to school). I text. No answer. I call…right to voice mail. By 5:40 my heart felt like lead. I turned the burners (supper) off on the stove and got in the car and drove to the school. I found his car in the senior lot, looking lonesome. I called the house and DH was home. I had him look up what room physics was and I set about trying to find it (leaving my car next to his in case he were to get there first). After about 10 minutes (huge school with about 6, 3 story buildings) I found the room and saw DS in it with about 5 others taking a test (I saw through a small door/window). I left before he could see me and went home. As I walk in the door DS texts me “I was taking a test”. DS doesn’t get home until almost 25 min later (It took me 6 minutes to get home). I was furious. </p>
<p>Okay, “what we have here is a failure to communicate”! Turns out (we find out later) he went to math team practice first, then to physics. The physics teacher was doing a review session for his AP Physics B classes (son is taking C) and it ran late so he had to wait to start his test. </p>
<p>Why didn’t he call or text me that the test was starting late or even that he was doing math team practice and then the test? What is with this Y chromosome???</p>
<p>^ ^ </p>
<p>Is it possible that the teacher(s) had implemented the “no cell phone use” rule once he was in the area where the Physics makeup would take place? </p>
<p>I can certainly see some teachers asking students to turn off or even hand in their cell phones before class…especially on exam days to discourage disruptive behavior in class and possible cheating. As someone who subbed a community college course, that’s what I’d certainly do if an exam was to be given.</p>
<p>Yes, his phone was off and that was why he didn’t get my texts or calls BUT he should have somehow gotten word to me before IMO. Why didn’t he text me as he was walking from math practice room to the physics room?</p>
<p>^ ^</p>
<p>Could have been an unfortunate slip of the mind as a result of stress from school, activities, and especially that Physics makeup test.</p>
<p>Thank you for that thought ^^^. I hate to think that he just inconsiderate. You are probably right.</p>
<p>^ ^</p>
<p>I could easily see it happening as stress from hectic schedules and high stakes events can cause such slipups even among adults. Happens to the best of us. :)</p>
<p>seician, I have a son just like yours, he should’ve, could’ve, would’ve. He’s not at all a bad kid, in fact he’s very intelligent and accomplished and has never gotten into any trouble, he just lives completely in the present moment. Checking in often doesn’t cross his mind, I think he’s lost a couple girlfriends that way. He is now a sophomore in college and I went to visit his campus for parents’ weekend. I made a point of saying that I’d like to take him to brunch on Sunday morning because I’d only gotten to see him sporadically on Saturday, we even discussed where and what time. Saturday night I was listening to him talk to a couple friends and they began discussing how they had volunteered to do stream restoration the following morning and that they needed to be there by 10:00 AM. I was a bit shocked and said that I guessed that we wouldn’t be able to go to brunch in the morning. He looked startled and then sheepish and admitted we wouldn’t. What is mysterious to me is that he does well in school and manages to organize all sorts of stuff. When is that frontal cortex going to mature?!</p>