Our son wants to buy a house and almost did, but the inspection was a little scary for a first timer. We have just bought a condo for investment, we are letting him live there while he continues the house hunt. He doesn’t love it because he wants more space and privacy. He is paying the condo fee, taxes, utilities and part of the mortgage, which is complicated because we did a refi on our house to buy it. This all adds up to less than the going rent for a similar place. We are not taking “profit” like we would if we rented it. It’s a good place for them as it will help them realize what things will really cost being on their own. They sure didn’t like the price of Comcast!
He is having a baby in September and we wanted them to get used to living together before baby. I have no doubt he will find a house and move. If he stays longer than we like, the rent will rise…
Buying used upholstered furniture skeeves me. Buying cheap furniture that falls apart annoys me. We decided to gift him our 6 year old sofa set and buy ourselves new. So, basically,we “bought” him used furniture. Right now they have a bed which she purchased, and our love seat while we wait for our new stuff to come in. No tables, no dressers. The girlfriend wants to buy a decent bedroom set. Not sure if they will wait until they have a house to buy. I gave them my old silverware from the basement and my old corelle dinnerware set from when I got married. my mom gave me her everyday lenox and my mom is going to start using her royal daulton set which has sat in a china cabinet since I was little. Why not use it? You can’t take it with you. Plus, she has an old lenox tuxedo set she inherited, which we would never use for everyday.
Some people might say we should make him pay real rent, but we want him to be able to get a house, and paying us won’t help. At this point he needs it more than we do. We will still be able to get some tax deductions for the taxes etc, so that is good.
We can help, so we do. If you can’t afford to help, then you aren’t obligated to.
My daughter asked me how much she should spend on furniture for her first shared apartment. I said, “As little as possible!!” Hand me downs, thrift stores, roommates hand me downs, etc. I will buy her a mattress and help stock the kitchen though! Plus a few odds and ends. Happily she has saved money for deposits. But in all honesty, we paid for her college expenses so that she could save her money for this transition into real adulthood.
Our daughters first apartment after college was a furnished one in China. Her first one here in the states was in Brooklyn and we helped her gather some things from thrift stores and our cast-offs here and helped her move in. She ordered a bed from Costco I think, or maybe Overstocks.com and had it delivered. Next child also moved to Brooklyn and we did the same thing. Third child is moving across country. He’s getting a generous signing bonus and has some savings so I think we’ll give a little cash, but he’ll be okay on his own. Different kids, different careers. We played it by ear. Our daughter is now on about her third apartment. We only helped with the first move. When my husband and I moved (and we moved 10 times in 20 years) we had zero help from our parents except for getting some used furniture.
Right after geaduation, big kiddo moved in with her bf (now her H) who was making decent money. We figured they did not need much help to pay rent but gladly allowed them to haul away a leather couch they liked so much. When they bought their house, we gave them money for part of downpayment and again let them shop in our living room. They hinted that our sectional would look really great in their basement and would make them feel at “home.” Lol. We also helped a lot with making their yard more manageable.
Baby kiddo is now a grad student, and her dad sponsors her rent. She shared an apartment with 2 expats in her 2 years abroad which her fellowship barely covered.
Son first shared an apartment then lived solo after his college dorm experience. Gave him almost half my years old Corelle dishes, including larger bowls et al when he was a student among other things. Looked at new sets but figured we had too many and he wouldn’t appreciate new vs old (he didn’t care). When he went solo he needed silverware- the inexpensive set I found for him came with 16 teaspoons so I kept 8 to replace those he trashed with his empty yogurt containers as a younger child. Rented a truck when he had his solo unfurnished apt. Paid while he was a student (and had to cosign the lease) but he managed utilities.
He got his first job in his college town with a good salary so he stayed in his campus area apt until his lease ran out, then chose his own place closer to work. We ended up buying him a car for work because he needed one for work but it was a holiday (Memorial) weekend and he couldn’t get a letter from his employer to get the loan before he needed it. His dad’s name was on it until he changed states. When we moved OOS to our current, retirement home we downsized and left some stuff which was given away to people we knew. Son came to his childhood town one last time after we moved and surprisingly took a couple of our old living room end tables with the comment he may have taken more if there had been room in his car. His big job move from the Midwest to the Pacific NW was paid for by his new company- place to stay, goods and car shipped (he stayed more than a year so doesn’t need to repay them).
Saw his current apartment last fall. Frugal. Mess. It doesn’t reflect his financial status at all. He downsized from his more expensive first one bedroom apartment to a studio- only blocks instead of an extra mile to walk to work, cheaper place and parking. He told us he had told the apt hunter he wanted new but didn’t specify that did not mean brand new when he was new to town. The kid can still save and spend more. He still had books in boxes and should have bought bookshelves.
It took many years to get rid of some furniture H had as a resident. No one would accuse us of hiring an interior decorator even though we could afford to. Mishmash of comfort.
After graduation his first year was in a fellowship-like situation in Europe. When he returned to the US for grad school we had to guarantee his rent. I gave him an abbreviated kit of plates, cutlery, and pots and pans since he had very little room, plus whatever linens he needed. When he got his first job, upon graduation from his master’s program, he took care of rent himself. I bought him a rug for his birthday. We’ve given him some additional towels and pillows. I’d give him more stuff if he wanted it, but to date he doesn’t.
We did loan him the money to pay his grad school expenses other than than covered by some money he had in trust and a scholarship he won. Think of it as a line of credit financed by a HELOC at very advantageous terms. (H works for a financial firm owned by a bank.) We also paid for a car required for him to have his first job and “gave” it to him. He is making monthly payments to us on both debts. The interest rates are far lower than those available to him.
Student loan rates for graduate students are usorius.
S had a job when he was a SR in college. We were due to go to DC for a trip with my job, so he met us in DC so we could look at some potential rentals. He found the one he wanted on Craigslist and on advice from SisIL, made an appointment to be the first person to tour the day after it was listed. All three of us came to tour the condo unit. It was very nice and had been owner occupied until she married and moved to her H’s unit, which was larger. She decided to rent to S and not bother with showing the unit to anyone else because she was impressed that we parents flew in to met the landlord and view the place with S.
S showed his new landlord his employment letter from his employer (the federal govt), and we wrote a check for the security deposit (equal to one month of rent). S has easily been able to afford all rental and other livings costs without any subsidy from us.
S didn’t really WANT anything from us and in fact sold a lot of the stuff he had accummulated in his years of living in campus apartments. His employer paid for his relocation. S and D drove across the country from LA to SF to Tahoe thru Nebraska to Chicago and on to DC. They made it a roadtrip and then we flew D back home to spend the summer with us.
S mostly furnished his place with Ikea and Craigslist. He likes it and it suits him. He’s moved 3 times in the first year but hasn’t moved now in several years and seems quite happy where he is for now.
I have a friend who flies up and moves his kids every time they move in or out of a place for college for internship for a job. We never did that, but I admire his dedication in doing that. We have asked our kids if they need or want us to help more for them to move and they seemed quite surprised and puzzled by the offer.
My folks didn’t do anything when I moved in or out of a place. All my things fit into four apple boxes, which i would go from HI to wherever I lved every year. The exception is a klunker bicycle that I’d acquire and have to find someone to store over summers at each school.
We’ve given him some additional towels and pillows. I’d give him more stuff if he wanted it, but to date he doesn’t.