<p>Well, school started back up, with homework, papers, ECs, friends, etc. No progress has been made on any college apps, let alone resume’, essays, etc. D is fairly self motivated as far as schoolwork, gets her work done, albeit frequently last minute. She is considering ED, and per CC advise, I would would like her to have her other apps ready to go in the case she is deferred or rejected. Any ideas for motivating her to get started? I’m afraid she’ll do ED at the last minute, then won’t even touch the others unless she doesn’t get in.</p>
<p>My parents did very little to ‘nag’ me. They made hotel reservations and took care of transportation for college visits. That was pretty much it. They didn’t know the deadlines for my applications, they didn’t read my essays, they didn’t bug me when I waited until the last minute. I had to become more mature as a result because I knew the whole time that if I didn’t get my applications done, no one would bug me about them to make them get done.</p>
<p>Of course, my parents never (after 3rd grade or so) woke me up for school either. I had an alarm clock, and I had to get up when it went off because I was expected to get to school, and the school bus was my only option. I never got into the habit of hitting snooze and falling back asleep because I had a bus to catch, and getting up on time was something my parents expected me to take care of myself. </p>
<p>A kid who’s doing college applications is (in many cases) less than a year away from living away from home and not having parents to nag about anything. </p>
<p>I’m glad my parents did what they did.</p>
<p>She has time. She could begin by lining up teachers for recs. They are not yet overwhelmed with requests and thus are more likely to accede, and when they write, they’ll do a more thorough job. But she needs to do a resume. It does not have to be polished, it does not have to be the one she will send to colleges. It needs to contain some information the teachers can use in the recs. A list of the courses she’s taken, and some ECs. A few points she’d like the recs to emphasize, some anecdote from the class she took with the rec writer.</p>
<p>It is worth nagging right now about writing her brag sheet, asking teachers for letters of recommendation and getting any needed forms to her guidance counselor, particularly for the ED school. While she has some control over her own schedule, she may not be able to get instant turnaround from others at the last minute. If she works well under pressure and can clear her calendar, she still has a bit of time for the applications and essays. </p>
<p>Once you get down to it, it doesn’t take all that long to do the application, particularly if you can use the Common Application for most or all of your schools. She may get to do the resume at school and many colleges neither require nor want one. You know better than I do how quick she is at writing essays. She should at least know the topic(s) for the ED school so that she can work on it at least subconsciously over the next few weeks.</p>
<p>Audio, you are right to be concerned. Last year DS applied ED and was deferred. He hadn’t done anything with his other applications until that point at which time his entire christmas vacation was spent working on his RD applications. He ultimately was accepted to his ED choice and others, but was not accepted to some of the schools we thought were a shoe in (I’m sure due to the fact that those applications were treated like after thoughts…which they were). </p>
<p>It would help her a great deal if she would just take the time this summer to answer some of the essay/short answer questions on the applications to get a head start.</p>
<p>I would sit down together (arrange a mutual time for this) and brainstorm all the things that need to be done this year for the college process. Then I would make a time line month by month of what should be done when. I also would make one of these “tasks” on the to-do list be a record keeping chart of what is needed for each school, record dates of completion and due dates, etc. Once you both make this time line, discuss what is on tap for this next month and prioritize the list. Let her figure out when in her week to work on whatever that task is and set up “check ins” where you guys touch base to see how the tasks for that couple of weeks is going and if any help is needed on your end or whatever. This time line will be what guides you and it will be obvious upon looking at all that must be done, just what needs to happen month by month so that it is spaced out realistically, deadlines are met, time is given to get the recs, etc. etc. etc. </p>
<p>Susan</p>
<p>I suggest you have a discussion with your D as to what frequency of checking in with each other makes sense during this process. In this situation, each parent-student unit is individual, so what may work for you may be horrendous over-involvement for others. Once you have ground rules, they can always be modified if it looks like things are not progressing well. good luck</p>
<p>My DS followed the same strategy as Columbia’s and was also deferred then accepted. I think the deferral actually shook him up a little and his later applications were his best. (He only applied to four schools, so time was not quite so critical.) He also would have benefitted from having an earlier (“practice”) interview with a school other than his first choice. Getting an earlier start would have made that possible.</p>
<p>I just want to add to my previous post that making a timeline accomplishes a few things. First…just saying “work on college application stuff” is a very big task and there are truly many components. It is less overwhelming to break it down into specific manageable tasks. Also, there really IS a timeline of what needs to be done when. For instance, waiting to request recs should not wait until October. Developing a resume should come earlier than the nitty gritty of the application. And so on. Another thing is that by formulating this time line of all that needs to be done, makes it very clear that there is lots to do and realistically it must be spread out over a long period of time and not in late fall. And lastly, this will guide you together and makes it so there are check in points as to where she is at on the next tasks on the list. When she does them in her busy life is hers to figure out but there are clear check in points for each chunk on the list. </p>
<p>Susan</p>
<p>I disagree with Soozviet; if my parents had tried to do that with me during my college applications, I would have been irritated to no end (although every student is different, so maybe it would have just been me). If your student has been responsible up to this point, then they can handle college applications just like any other assignment. Be there if they ask for your help, and bring up out of curiosity (not to watch over their shoulders) at the dinner table how the college applications are going, but (my advice would be) don’t try to hold their hand during college applications.</p>
<p>I have to disagree w/ Bing. This is far more important than “any other assignment”. If they drop the ball, for whatever reason, they need a back up. This is not the time for “learning lessons”.</p>
<p>My daughter always likes me to play the same kind of role in these situations. She likes to sit with me and plan. That means she talks out loud about all the stuff she has to do, and I play it back to her and sort it out. Sorting it out means figuring out what she wants her approach to be. For example, when it was just way too much homework, she would sit next to me on the sofa and just tell me everything. Then I would ask her questions, what was due when, what was hardest, where did she have dependencies, where did she have a little buffer etc. Once she understood the “project dynamics” if you will, she knew herself what to do. I never had to write down a timeline because she preferred to do that herself. </p>
<p>Does your D have a Daytimer? That’s the kind of thing my D loves, online calendars etc. I was just there for the moment of overwhelm when it does look like all too much, to break down the components as soozievt says, but I did not then structure the plan at all. </p>
<p>And I should have done it earlier, as my D’s later apps were also much better than the EA. One word of wisdom, make sure however you work with your kid that they read each application thoroughly and have at least thought about every aspect of the process. This could take all of 10 minutes with a checklist, Do you know that… and then Yes, Yes, Yes and never talk about again. We were caught offguard by the need to send in DVDs of her dancing and didn’t even do it for EA, were late for the RD apps but managed to pull it off.</p>
<p>I think the parents may need to be somewhat more involved with the ultra-selectives because as we all said last year, it’s a crapshoot and you want to make sure the kid hasn’t left out anything out in the rush.</p>
<p>Well, as someone who just sat down with my daughter yesterday and brainstormed up a list of “to do’s” I agree with the opinions already expressed by both parents and the kids: it needs to be done, and it will drive your kid crazy. :)</p>
<p>Seriously, I needed to see everything down on paper because I know that my daughter is not a terribly organized person. The only way I can avoid heavy-duty nagging is to know that she knows what she needs to do. I have conveyed the full scope of what she needs to get done and when — now, it’s up to her. </p>
<p>Unfortunately, I say that with clenched teeth because I know that all of the neat little deadlines we put down yesterday are going to pretty much be ignored by her. Oh well. If she wants to go to college, she’ll get it all done. Eventually.</p>
<p>Carolyn,</p>
<p>My D is more like yours than Alumother’s. Unfortunately, she takes after me. I tried a Daytimer (and multiple other paper & computer based systems). When you opened my Daytimer, you were lucky if it had the correct year, let alone month. Her room is piles and piles of stuff. I let her know it was OK if she through out the apps & catalogues of the schools she doesn’t intend to apply to.</p>
<p>I think the timeline idea is great. I’ll sit down with her and have a talk and hopefully a strategic plan. Keep the suggestions and commentary coming!</p>
<p>Having a timeline is very helpful in figuring what needs to be done before a certain task can even be tackled. For example, in order to request recs from teacher and GCs, the student must have the forms ready (with personal information filled in), and with an accompanying resume, stamped and addressed envelope, So if the student plans on asking teachers in late September/early October, the student will realize s/he needs to have the resume and forms ready before then. Sometimes, I find that when a task feels overwhelming, it’s good to tackle the more mechanical things. Filling out forms, addressing envelopes are ways to move the process forward. I like Alu’s approach of letting the student take the initiative in creating a timeline and acting as a sounding board, or making suggestions regarding the scheduling of tasks.</p>
<p>Some students may be quite good at last minute essay writing, but usually, they have let the writing prompts percolate for a while before setting pen to paper or hitting the keyboard. So it’s a good idea for the student to at least take a look at the writing prompts. </p>
<p>I imagine, though, that since school has just started (ours does not start until after Labor Day), the GC and teachers are coping with scheduling issues and various beginning of the year crises,</p>
<p>This is a good thread. S gets irritated whenever I start to mention the application process (i.e. nag). He hasn’t started on essays, will be applying ED but we don’t know where yet (recruiting process is underway), has schools he needs to visit this fall and since he goes to boarding school this gets complicated, and is going to take ACT in October and probably won’t prep for it until the last minute, if at all. He thinks he can “handle it” without my nagging, but I’m not so sure. I try to keep my mouth shut, but whenever it opens something about college seems to come out!</p>
<p>I agree with the poster who said that this is a poor time to suddenly decide that your child should learn an object lesson with some “sink or swim” approach to college apps. This is totally different stakes from missing the school bus, losing points for turning stuff in late, or failing a test. I’m currently trying to help a young friend plan out a gap year because her parents (going through a nasty divorce) provided zero help with the college app process. This bright, talented, conscientious young lady ended up with a screwed up mess. If you feel that your child needs “administrative support” (aka “nagging”), you’re probably right. Mine did, and I feel totally unapologetic about that.</p>
<p>I admit I am better at nagging about stuff that doesn’t matter so much
take your vitamins- get your clothes out of the dryer- go to bed
As far as helping them with a timeline- I wasn’t much help having really not much idea what it entailed.
I know that my daughter had to use another teacher for a rec instead of her advisor and teacher of her favorite class because she waited too long- but she still got her reqs in. She also was good about writing essays, having a resume etc, although she only wanted to apply to 5 schools and that was seriously pushing it.
I did tell her I would take over the finaid applications except for scholarships- I do the taxes for the house anyway- and I felt that was something that was important- but didn’t really need to be done by her.</p>
<p>I didn’t even tour colleges. I just did everything needed before it was due.</p>
<p>None unless its requested. A student strongly prefers to work on their own timetable, and if they don’t have the responsibility to even consider their applications before the due date… well, just ask them to consider who is supposed to be going to college in a year.</p>