<p>I think I am more nervous than S because of this forum. I KNOW what the competition is like and what everyone else is (supposed to be) doing! S goes blissfully along convinced that he has it all under control.</p>
<p>If you are hoping to get some merit money, my recommendation is to get those Apps in EARLY!!!</p>
<p>I wouldn’t nag at all. You do need to discuss the consequences of procrastination if the ED college acceptance does not happen. After that I’d leave it up to her.</p>
<p>If she has been responsible throughout high school and is faced with a worse-case scenario, I suspect that she’ll buckle down and make sure the standby apps are in the mail in time.</p>
<p>And if not?? A lesson learned.</p>
<p>D and I took the timeline concept one step further. We have compiled week by week “to-do” lists. The week starts on Saturday and ends on Friday. D and I have the understanding that if list isn’t completed by Friday at 5pm, D will be spending some quality time at home during the weekend to finish things up.</p>
<p>This may sound harsh, but it’s working out very well. D is getting things done, there’s no fighting or nagging. She’s already applied to our State U and received a housing confirmation. So she’s learning that there are rewards for being organized.</p>
<p>it’s interesting that the students who reply here are anti-parental involvement. Bottom line: If our kids were on here, we wouldn’t need to be. My D knows I frequent here and I’ve forwarded her some of the pertinent discussions. Yet she’s never even expressed even a curiousity to come on this site (and believe me, she spends plenty of time on the internet!).</p>
<p>I appreciate the viewpoint of the kids who posted on this thread. Each situation is different. My kids are very responsible types and excellent students (so they did something right to get to this point). But in the college admissions process, they were happy to have me be a guide or facilitator. We indeed sat down and made a timeline of all the things to do for that year. We mapped out college visit trips. They did each task on the time line and often ran it by me for me to see it or discussed it if they wanted advice. We had a record keeping chart of all the things to send and line up. One kid had all her college auditions on top of the college applications. Each kid wrote about a dozen essays. They had some sense of what this would entail and what needed to be done in which month. We’d check in when they needed to as they went down that months’ to do list. They both lead VERY busy lives day and night and weekends. How they fit all this in is beyond me but we often discussed when they thought that week they might get to something on the list. It was like additional homework on top of the stuff they already had. They welcomed my guidance as their support person. They ran things they did by me. They did the actual “work” themselves but I supported and guided them when they welcomed it. The timeline was our guide and it helped to make what can be a very overwhelming process more manageable. Plus it helped to lay it all out ahead of time so that they could get it all done realistically in the time they had to do it, considering they already filled their days 24/7 before college admissions stuff came along. Everything got done on time. Maybe it is different depending on where you are applying but both my kids were involved in selective college admissions and there was lots to do and lots of effort put in doing it. And there were college visits, interviews, overnights, auditions, etc. to line up. I might make the air and hotel reservations as they wrote people on campus to line up appointments. They’d write a draft of a resume and show me and I’d give feedback and they’d revise. It was a team effort in that respect but the work was their own. My kids THANKED me for this support and said they could not have done it without someone there to help. One of my kids remarked that she felt sorry for the kids she knew at school whose parents were uninvolved and completely unaware of what to do and how to do it and she wished I could have helped them too. Unless a family has read up on this (or is on CC, lol), they really don’t have a clue how to go about it and the time frame. I know kids entering senior year here now, who do not even have a college list yet. Their parents are quite uninvolved and they will flounder. Kids still must do each task themselves, but it helps to have a support person and someone to guide you. It is a pretty important decision and process, not merely a homework assignment (which I do not help with and am quite uninvolved in their due dates, etc.). </p>
<p>Susan</p>
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<p>Bingo, audiophile!</p>
<p>Personally, I had a daughter that needed nagging. I am the master of organization and handling administrative details. So I created a master checklist for her. It listed every item that needed to be sent and when it was due. I created a big folder and gathered envelopes. So I gave her the “bones” of the project and then let her handle the rest. It was up to her to write the essay, secure the recs, get the transcripts out, etc. but she knew exactly when those had to be done by.</p>
<p>And I must admit that I nagged along the way e.g. don’t forget the transcripts are due on Jan 2 but the guidance center is closing on Dec 15th and it has to be done before then.</p>
<p>I think it’s going to be easier with my son, in some ways. There’s no way he’s going to want to put together recs, essays, GC info, transcripts. I think he’ll take the easy way out with quick on-line apps to our state U and frankly, that will be fine with me!</p>
<p>We actually started the organizational process for our DD very early - we put a couple of files on our computer desktop - one was for an on-going resume (courses/grades/test scores/EC’s…etc…) by year - another for colleges of interest (which changed alot in the beginning - but was pared down as we worked thru the processes - also included a time management page with pertenent info) - another with a calendar which was utilized fairly often which really helped out with the time management issues. DD and I both utilized all these files thru out the process for different reasons - and it really kept things very easy to cross reference if/when we needed to. Family and DD were very busy and we needed to find a way to keep from going bald!!</p>
<p>We got down to the nitty gritty of things at the end of the junior year - and thru the summer - got the list of colleges of interest down to 6-7 by mid Sept - and then we were able to set up a pretty whirl-wind college tour trip very easily for mid Oct. Each school visited had a file set up - with ALL the information that was needed for a visit - phone numbers, maps, lists of questions, etc…and info was added to this file as each school was visited - and before we left on this trip - she numbered them according to what she thought would be her interest number at that time - boy did that change!!!</p>
<p>During our trip - flew 500 miles - drove 1500 miles - flew again 1500 miles - 7 schools later - in 6 days!!! - she was able to really recall and eliminate the ones she found not to her liking - it was amazing how her schools changed status during this trip. On our arrival home - only 3 schools had survived her test and ratings. We were able to very easily review the pros and cons using this file system and her early applications were done and gone within a week.</p>
<p>Calendar wise - recommendations were due to be requested within the first 2 weeks of school - her GC was clued in during that time also - so that prepared pacs would be available on-time. Her last set of testing was scheduled for Sept/Oct - to be received by her school choices on-time - even with early apps. Essay’s were started in English class - tho the winning essay was quickly written on the return from our trip - cuz it was actually about the college search process and trip.</p>
<p>It still took a bit of nagging to get it all done - I can’t imagine going thru this without any nagging at all LOL - but it was at least less painful having it all spelled out for all involved - and alot less stressful than it could have been. Because of good planning and management of this process - we were able to sit back and enjoy the senior year - especially as she was accepted to her first choice and second choice very early on in the process - she wrote off 3rd choice completely - tho was accepted RD.</p>
<p>Interesting thing - our DS was set on 1 school for ED - but was ready to go just in the off chance that did not work - had 4 apps ready to go the day after ED came out - so the others were not needed.</p>
<p>This is also all made much easier if your child goes to a school with a college counseling office that has a timeline they use and give to the kids. At my kids school they get a whole folder:0.</p>
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<p>“Administrative support personnel” sounds so much better than “nag-in-chief.” :)</p>
<p>I have a friend who is very eager to step down from his position as head of his department. His chief complaint is that his secretary is not very competent, i.e., she does not remember to remind him of what needs to be done, even after he reminds her to remind him.</p>
<p>Your child will never undertake the college application process with the intensity, thoroughness and organization you would. Nor, my guess is, did you or I (adjusted, like they do with dollars and inflation) back then. All that is learned from hindsight, as you and I did and know now.</p>
<p>So, we should let them learn themselves, the consequences of not choosing schools rationally, not organizing themselves, not creating a plan of action like a military assault, not writing drafts or correcting them and not getting them in early. Becuase that’s the only way they will ever learn: on their own.</p>
<p>But… we won’t do that. We can’t. It’s not in us, we are constitutionally unable to. We know that there is all too much they will eventually have to face on their own anyway, and so want to help them as much as we can while we can. And our kids know that too. Whatever they say to the contrary, they in part depend on it. So we will push, organize, proofread, exhort, nag: do whatever, in the case of our child, seems necessary.</p>
<p>And somewhere in combination with the level of pushing and exhortation we undertake to do or find necessary to do, and they way they react, either going along with it, balking, or stressing…they will probably wind up pretty close to wherever - based on their temperment and the way we raised them - they should be. Maybe a little “higher” maybe a little “lower” but close enough.</p>
<p>We use one of those big desk calendars, but hang it on the wall. I still have my personal calendar, husband has his, but when any of us have anything we needed to coordinate, it goes on the big calendar. That calendar turned into application central, once the process got underway. It gave a sense of teamwork to the process, and helped ease the nag factor. </p>
<p>It doesn’t always work, but asking how you can help, instead of nagging can sometimes get things going. Of course you can’t write the essay or complete the application, but you can listen as he or she explores options. </p>
<p>fredo’s approach seems to have worked for him or her, it wouldn’t work in my family:
My daughter would have considered this extremely disrespectful and intrusive. The college application period was a stressful time for all of us, but it was extremely important for us that our daughter took the lead, and my husband and I took supporting roles.</p>
<p>I think it’s important to consider that if your child is dragging his or her feet in this process, then maybe there’s a bigger problem. I know a woman who actually applied early decision for two of her children, to schools they did not want to attend, and they were stuck with her choices. If my daughter were not taking responsiblity for her own applications, I’d be talking with her about what her other options were. </p>
<p>Also, audiophile’s comment is not true for us:
My child has made extensive use of CC. My husband checks in here too. We all look at different things. I’m not here because somebody else is dropping the ball.</p>
<p>Susan - I think your word ‘‘facilitator’’ is an excellent description of what it should be - this process was not mine to do - but my role was to support and guide - OOO and drive and pay for also LOL.</p>
<p>
mhc48, yes.</p>
<p>I will remind of upcoming deadlines - assuming my kid wants me to - but no “nagging” with a single exception: I am going to make sure my d. files the UC app by the deadline. (I even pester other people’s kids on that - every year, in mid-November, I’m the parent asking the seniors, “so, have you filed your UC application yet?”). That’s the safety - where I’ve seen most California kids end up anyway after being rejected/waitlisted by their out-of-state reaches – so as far as I am concerned, if the UC app is filed by Nov. 30th… I can rest easy. </p>
<p>The other “nag” is my own: I need to “nag” myself to get all the financial aid stuff done early. </p>
<p>I hope my d. manages to get in the apps to all the other colleges on time - and I’m here to help, and quite happy to chart deadlines using whatever system my d. would like. But the bottom line is that it is her problem to meet those deadlines, not mine. I know from experience that she is as capable as anyone else of pulling out from under a crushing load at the last minute & pulling an all nighter, so if that’s how she wants to do college apps… fine. If in the end she doesn’t get into some colleges because she missed their deadlines… well, that’s would be a pretty good indication to me that she didn’t want to go all that badly in the first place.</p>
<p>Ever notice how all of the private colleges on the kid’s list that you would consider safeties seem to have later deadlines than the reaches? Hmmm… wonder what the reasoning behind that is? </p>
<p>And to whoever said, “this is not the time for learning lessons”… my response is – now is as good a time as ever. Though it is prefereable if those lessons had been learned a lot earlier. It’s not the end of the world if a kid doesn’t get into their college of choice, or if the kid has to take an unplanned gap year. For a lot of kids, it ends up being the best thing that ever happened to them. A kid who can’t manage to meet the deadlines for turning in college apps without a parent taking charge may run into serious problems managing course load and deadlines at college.</p>
<p>Ha! Brings back such memories… I would ask my son how many “nags” he wanted over the course of an evening (week, etc). If he said “none” I gave none, even when it nearly killed me. But then I felt I could let go and involve myself in something else. Usually, he requested at least a couple of “nags.” It helped add some humor to a tense situation and helped us both remember that the task was his.</p>
<p>Audio – I have similar situation with my son. Here part of the problem is that he’s not certain which one school he will apply to ED and which specific ones RD. We’re still visiting schools and he’s retaking Oct SATI
test and Nov SAT IIs. Plus since he was at a summer program July and then working a few weeks, he wants to “play” now. This is driving me crazy as I don’t see him doing summer homework or working on college
essays. He doesn’t work during school year except to tutor ($ is peanuts) so I plan to hold allowance in eschrow until certain parts of apps or entire app are done. His procrastination is killing me as he has no idea how much time and effort are needed for essays and apps. Plus there’s all the homework and EC stuff. You are not alone.</p>
<p>If you are being driven crazy by procrastination … maybe you need to occupy yourself with something else, and cool it. Procrastinators need lots of space & time to mull things over, and they work best under pressure. Not only do they not need to write draft essays over the summer, but anything they wrote would not likely be used, or would be torn apart and recrafted at the last minute anyway. If you are pressuring a procrastinator to get started early, you are wasting your time and his/hers. It won’t happen. The proper “mood” for writing the essay will never strike until the time is nigh.</p>
<p>My son went abroad the summer before his senior year. He didn’t even start looking at college guides until late August; his college list wasn’t narrowed down until October. Everything was done on time. In fact the only deadline that was missed was because I forgot to mail in a check to the one college that didn’t accept payments online – they were calling asking for the money 2 weeks past their deadline. I mailed the check, he got in. </p>
<p>Actually, I’ve been lurking and/or actively participating on this and other college forums ever since my son left for college 4 years ago, and I have never seen any kid miss <em>all</em> their deadlines. I have seen some kids miss <em>some</em> deadlines, sometimes because of mail snafus, but in the majority of cases the colleges accepted the apps anyway. I’m not recommending that course of action… just reminding that it usually does work out o.k., no matter whether the kid begins writing essays in June or November. Keep in mind that procrastinators are also NOT the kind of people who really like or need a lot of advance planning in their lives, so they are quite comfortable with last-minute decisions as to which colleges they will apply to. </p>
<p>The best thing you can do as a parent is be organized and research requirements & deadlines well in advance, so you have the information at hand when the kid is finally ready to ask for it. If college x requires 2 essays and the app must be submitted by Jan. 1st – it helps if that information is known before Dec. 30th. But the procrastinator isn’t going to actually write the essays until Dec. 30th, no matter how much you are nagging in September. In a procrastinator’s eyes, nothing is due until it is actually due. </p>
<p>Cute quiz about college learning styles here:
<a href=“http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/2005/back.to.school/quiz.html[/url]”>http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/2005/back.to.school/quiz.html</a></p>
<p>I decided to answer it based on my own memories of what I actually did in college, and my results = Procrastinator. Nonetheless, I made it through college & law school without a hitch – and did fine without parental nagging.</p>
<p>First off, let’s call it something else. How about “coaching” or “project management”. </p>
<p>D has asked for my help and said she will take my coaching. And I really do think of it as coaching. I think of her track coach screaming at the top of his lungs “Pick it up!” or “Go NOW!!!”</p>
<p>And so to my DD (in the unlikely event you read this)</p>
<p>You can do this. Set your intention, and make it happen. Pick it up! Go NOW!!!</p>
<p>YOMAMA - ROFL!!! Just love that approach and I can see it now!!! LOL</p>