<p>
At your kid’s school they get a whole folder? At D’s school they just get the hole.
(thank you M.Python)</p>
<p>ooh–I remember struggling with this one a year ago. Three tips come to mind.</p>
<p>1) Remember that you have to figure out your kid and apply what works (just like when we were obsessed with getting them to sleep through the night, stop using diapers, or remember to turn in their homework) What works for one kid/parent will not work for another so look for one that fits your style</p>
<p>2) Consider email. I found I could email something to my kid (a list of basics that had to be done by when) or voice something I was fretting about–and then he could/would at least have it (even if he didn’t “get it” at the moment). Somehow it helped reduce some of the friction and the problem of timing the communication. I think I knew to be pretty infrequent with these–but it helped ease MY tensions to get the most important ones said–and then he could bring it up when he was ready to talk</p>
<p>3) Remember that you WILL get through it. This time next year you will get to be obsessing about something else…</p>
<p>Remember too that in some instances, a different motivation may be necessary. What appears to you as sloth may be fear. Fear of rejection, of the competition (especially if Mom/Dad are on the sidelines waiting to see impressive things), fear of the changes in their life, of summing themselves up on paper, leaving a comfortable stage in life. And with all the talk about college and applications, how many schools actually teach these kids what to do and how to do it? Any number of things could cause them to put this off.</p>
<p>Pushing or nagging a kid like that only increases the trepidation and reluctance to begin. For them, a different sort and style of support and encouragement may be required.</p>
<p>And even for the most brash, confident and competant kid, I think some of this may lurk below the surface.</p>
<p>mch48:</p>
<p>That’s so true. That’s why, although we all put so much weight on our kids working on their essays, it may help asking them to begin working on the more mechanical aspects of their apps first.</p>
<p>I think it also helps to break the app process down into smaller, more manageable chunks. One of the things I did for my son (in my role as administrative assistant) was go through all the essay prompts for all of his colleges and make a pile of index cards with one prompt on each. He could go through and pick just one card to work on, or could group 2-3 cards with similar prompts and write one essay that would fit them all.</p>
<p>I have been reading these posts with great interest and amusement. I have been an overly involved parent with this college search process. Overbearing at times. In the big picture, our DS is doing just fine and seems to be right on track and where he should be at this point. However, in my obsessive nature, I was pushing and nagging too much. We had a mini blow out this summer when DS told me in no uncertain terms to back off. He was right. This is his process, not mine. As a result we had a great father/son talk and came to a mutual agreement. I am to continue to research, suggest, discuss and offer deadlines. He wanted me to continue to do that. However, he does not want me to nag and pick. Despite biting nearly a hole thru my lip, I have managed to do just that. It seems to be working. I just have to keep reminding me that this is his decision and not mine. Can’t wait for this to be over!</p>
<p>In general, the students represented in this discussion group are highly motivated and high achievers. A good thing. Therefore I find it highly curious why so many need parental prodding and nagging to get the college application process on track.</p>
<p>For us, we laid down one basic ground rule at the start of his junior year…he could apply anywhere as long as he could find the resources to pay for tuition and fees(he had a $78k college fund to help out). He took it from there. He did his research junior year(a lot of work), did a few(7) college visits spring of junior year. </p>
<p>However senior year was a snap. Using the common application, he got most(7 of 8) of his applications completed in one evening. He handed out his teacher/GC recommendation forms the second week of school. He whipped out his essay(a humorous one about his less than perfect teeth) one Sunday nite. And had all his applications in the Guidance Office early in October together with a sase. I did the FAFSA(futile:efc>$80k) about the same time and wrote the app fee checks. And he followed up with his GC and the colleges to make sure everything was in order(students were permitted to make these calls from the GO on their cell phones). That was about it.</p>
<p>Now granted, there would have been a bit more work if he had used the colleges’ own application forms, but not much more. And he did have to do a small essay(Why Oberlin?) for one application and needed his Pastor’s reccomendation for a CoW merit scholarship. But that was it as far as I recall. No fuss. No bother. Quite painless. Certainly no nagging.</p>
<p>So I am really having a hard time understanding all the angst expressed on this thread. I mean, our son can procrastinate with the best of them. But on this one his attitude was “No biggie”. Perhaps it was our conversation about his financial responsibilities junior year which may have been instrumental in “investing” him in the process. But even so, I doubt that he spent much more than 20 hours total on his 8 applications.</p>
<p>I would appreciate it if y’all could explain why your experiences are so much different from ours. And why.</p>
<p>Because kids are different. That’s why.</p>
<p>Sorry…am I missing your subtext? ;)</p>
<p>One person’s gentle reminder is another person’s nagging.
One parent doing research is another parent being overinvolved.
One person’s idea of well enough is another person’s idea of not quite right.</p>
<p>We did sit down with our daughterand notified her of timetables. We also do remind her to get her stuff out.I have told her, however, that she can delay all she wants or even do nothing; however, no decision is a decision to go to our local junior college.</p>
<p>This reminds me of being in labor. You are in excruciating pain. Everything you want to do is counter-productive to the final goal. So just breathe deeply and meditate on the peculiar painful sensation. </p>
<p>Failing all else call in panic for medication.</p>
<p>originallog, I’ll try to explain our situation but I’ am NOT making any judgments about yours. I wish I could be there. </p>
<p>
How did you do this? I thought you had to wait until January to get your end of year data for FAFSA? And were none of your S’s schools profile schools? Congratulations on the high EFC, very impressive. I can see why you didn’t need to spend as much time on the financial part as we will as there was no possibility for your family to recieve “need aid”.</p>
<p>If there weren’t any profile schools, that would explain some of the difference as the more selective schools tend to be profile schools and also tend to have supplements to the common app requiring separate and distinct essays/short answers.</p>
<p>D’s situation is much different as financial aid and merit scholarships are her big concern (more than admission). There are different scholarship apps and honors college apps in addition to supplements to worry through., all with distinct requirements, some with additional essays.This does not count the institution specific scholarships that you have to be selected for, that come with their own app after you have been vetted or programs that can’t even be applied to until after acceptance (she has two of those). </p>
<p>Also, I’m assuming essay writing isn’t coming as easy for her as for some. She enjoys interviewing but there is some disconnect that happens when the pen hits the hand (fingers hit the keyboard). While your’s dashed an essay off in an evening, mine has spent several and has zippo accomplished on one and several more yet to be attempted. A daunting task for certain.</p>
<p>originaloog - your son was very fortunate that the particular apps your son was dealing with could be done so easily. He spent a lot more than 20 hours and only applied to 4 schools. My son only applied to one school that took the common app, so it did not help him at all. It was just one more app. He was certainly not able to get by with a single essay knocked out in an evening. There were about 14 essays of varying lengths. Many kids probably spend hundreds of hours researching schools, writing essays, filling out apps, following up recs and transcripts, etc.</p>
<p>Originaloog…kids are all so different. Sure, I can’t relate that well to the stories of having to MAKE their kid do this stuff and the kid not being that interested to get going because my kids were not like that. But I am aware that SOME are. My kids were the motivated and achiever types. I did not have to make them get going on the college process. They wanted to. But I also was a guide that they turned to as we were kinda “in it together”. They drove the process. The decisions were all theirs. But I was a researcher who learned how the process works and what needed to be done and so we would talk about it as they went and they’d check in. I already explained the time line we made. It is not like I had to make them do the things on it. For instance, for the essays, I suggested that they copy all essay prompts and requirements off of all 8 applications and see what they’ve got and come up with a plan of attack of which essays might overlap and which of the topics they were considering using could go where. Like a plan. Then they would come and tell me their plan. We might discuss it and then they’d do it along the time frame of their time line. I was basically there for support. I did not do it for them. But I can see in some families, the kids are not as self motivated for whatever reason. It sounds like they have to light a fire under their kids. Maybe the kids are overwhelmed because “colllege admissions” is a HUGE topic which is why I said to break it into manageable parts. For some kids, maybe they don’t want to face growing up and what they will do with their lives and they just don’t know where to begin. A parent needs to play a role in this. For some families, the role might be bigger than in others but I think the parents have something to do here. With the unmotivated types, it might mean sitting down at square one…what do you want to do when you graduate? What do you need to do to get there? I can help you with this process and I know that there are many tasks involved and realistically we need to begin now and come up with a plan. I can help you with that plan or you can show me yours. Something like that. I think in a few of these cases if the fire is not lit under the kid and he/she still does nothing, perhaps that kid is not ready to be going to college just yet. A parent can facilitate and guide but should not be doing it FOR the kid. If the kid does not want to look into colleges or do the applications, then time to reassess. </p>
<p>Susan</p>
<p>Texas, I did not see your post when I wrote mine above but my kids, like yours, spent TONS of hours on the college process…at least 12 essays, visits, second visits, and in one kid’s case, auditions and preparation for those on top of everything a regular applicant does. There was correspondence with people on campus, just lots involved. A developed resume that took several days alone to get into good shape.</p>
<p>AAAACCKK! I took a phone call and lost my edit time!!! If I had it back I would have corrected many typos and made paragraph one sound more like I intended, which was to say I do long to be in the position originaloog found themselves. But … I’m not. I am not making any judgment on how they completed their app process and I am admittedly jealous of their success with what appears to be minimal effort.</p>
<p>OTOH, D is beyond motivated and does not need any fire lit. She works consistently on the process. Progress is being made. She needs direction, and support, and a pat on the head but the fire is burning brightly and for that I am thankful. Procrastination is a word that can’t be used to describe my daughter. Ever. She takes on tasks early, completes them early, and moves on. From her perspective, and it’s the only one that counts here, this elephant sized task dwarfs what she is familiar with both in depth and in complications as well as the seriousness of outcome.</p>
<p>Last fall is a time that I would love to forget and don’t look forward to doing again. As far as schoolwork mine was never a procrastinator, she was exactly the opposite. Couldn’t relax till it was all done. I think the sense of choosing her future direction was so daunting that she just couldn’t deal. I would leave her notes with things that needed to get done.She would have missed dates if I hadn’t. She wanted help but was frustrated with herself for wanting it. There were lots of days where I just had to restrain myself from nagging. And other days where I did nag.
The end result was not all that I think it could have been but it worked out fine.
I did make her folders for each of the schools with dates on the front when things were due. I also noted what extras were needed. I also had her write the date she completed each task.
The hardest part of the process was that she wanted my help but our styles are so different that it was a painful process. At one point I told her I would be happy to help but I am not a last minute person.
I did push really hard for her to complete her first app for an out of state safety that I knew she would like and also was a sure bet. 3 weeks later she knew she was in somewhere and that took the pressure off her.
I felt at times like letting her flounder but as a Mom just couldn’t do it.</p>
<p>calmom: I forgot but your post reminded me that the one app I did big time nagging on was the in-state safety. And I threatened to sit there and do it with her, item by item, if it wasn’t done by early September. She got it done and had her admission one month later which took off a lot of pressure.</p>
<p>As I read these posts, I think I don’t actually “nagged” so much as gently reminded (okay, a few of those reminders might not have been so gentle but the vast majority were). My daughter appreciated the checklists I made for her.</p>
<p>I also didn’t push on certain schools - personally, I didn’t care if the NYU app ever got done because a) I knew it was unlikely she’d get in anyway and didn’t want her to have a rejection and b) even if she did get in, I would have a hard time swallowing the expense. She really didn’t want to go that far away anyway. Although, she did get the app in on time and was rejected. By then, she had decided where to go so it was a mild disappointment (I think she would have liked to say she got in but she wasn’t going to go anyway).</p>
<p>So I guess I split the “life lesson” in half - on those schools that were too far/too expensive/not the right fit I didn’t push her to get those apps done. On the schools that really were serious contenders I reminded more often. And on the in-state safety, I was totally demanding.</p>
<p>Curmudg-re the FAFSA, I used a FAFSA calculator which popped up the $81,000 figure using our prior year tax return figures. Our son was then free to mark the no need based finaid box on his applications.</p>
<p>While I have never heard of the term “profile schools”, i suppose they are ones such as Harvard, Swarthmore, etc. Yes, our son eliminated those from the onset because they do not offer merit aid and he was picking up the tuition cost. He also did not want to take any SAT 2’s for iconoclastic personal reasons.</p>
<p>In the end he applied to Case, Oberlin, Rensselaer, Allegheny among a few others. He was relatively certain that he would be accepted by all he applied to, so the choice came down to a decision of academic/ec offerings vs finaid support.</p>
<p>Re his essay, yes he wrote in a few hours but had been mulling it over in his head for a while. That is the way he has always worked. By the time he is ready to put something down on paper, most of the work has already been done, we just havent seen it.</p>
<p>The same with the college application process senior year. He did essentially all his work junior year in his quest for merit aid.</p>
<p>
Yep. That changes things.
Other than the RPI medal, how do you do that? Most of D’s larger merit chances have separate scholarship apps and essays and nominations of seniors by the GC.</p>