<p>Am I the only one who finds originaloog’s tone a little irritating? My son did not lack motivation and was not a terrible procrastinator. He was however taking a full load of APs, a 300 level math class at the local U, traveling every other weekend with his academic teams, playing IM sports and having a social life. I was constantly amazed at his ability to keep so many balls in the air and generally have a good time doing it. Knowing how often I find myself at the grocery store without my shopping list, I did not want him to miss an opportunity to go to a school he was absolutely qualified for because he missed a deadline.</p>
<p>I think o-loog had an easy “birthing” process and is genuinely perplexed at those of us who are screaming for hot water and torn-up bedsheets. I really don’t sense any intent to offend, although I was sensitive to the issues raised ,also. ;)</p>
<p>Personally, I’m impressed that o-long’s son could complete that common app in just an evening. Maybe his schools didn’t require supplemental essays (I’ve counted 12 that D has to write).</p>
<p>Our household, on the other hand, is full of “to-do” lists, timelines and and a healthy amount of angst.</p>
<p>To each his own.</p>
<p>NAG - NAG - NAG - isn’t that what parents were put on this earth for??? OOOOOOPSss - to be politically correct I have to change the wording to…COACH - FACILITATOR - ADMIN ASST - BACK SEAT DRIVER - MOM - DAD - OTS EYES - OVERBEARING PARENT …
WHATEVER…</p>
<p>We all mean well in the pursuit of our kids happiness and succes - and want our kids to be able to manage this college maze in such a manner that will take them to the ends of their earth. Every family handles this in a different way - some more aggressively than others - and there are also those who don’t participate at all. Whatever works - to a degree - for each particular situation should be ok and not be judged by others. </p>
<p>I sure wish I had had parental support/involvement when I went thru this process - I didn’t!!! It was a very daunting and difficult place to be - tho I finally succeeded - tho not as a teenager - I had been out in the world and experienced quite a few things before I took on the incredible task of getting myself into college. There is NO way that I can imagine kids of today - with their 30 hour per day schedules to be able to complete/accomplish all that has to be done with out some sort of parental intervention - what ever that may be - just not the overboard type of thing.</p>
<p>This is - in fact - THEIR journey - and we need to keep that in the forefront of our minds - we as parents - are invited along for the ride - and hopefully with their blessings - to help them paddle the dingy - not to take over as the ship’s captain.</p>
<p>I don’t even expect to paddle, but I will help bail if it’s needed.</p>
<p>1moremom - excellent idea!!! lol</p>
<p>Actually, what I really did was keep an eye out for rocks. (We are a canoeing family.)</p>
<p>Those rocks can certainly be cause for some bumpy waters - so you get the title of SAFETY OFFICER ON DECK and OFFICIAL LEAK PLUGGER.</p>
<p>Cur:
I had a very easy time giving birth. But one neightbor was in labor for 24 hours+ and eventually had to be induced.
The person I was irritated with–a long time ago-- was another neighbor who crowed that her baby slept through the night at 10 weeks. Mine did not do so until 9 months (S1) and 4 years old (S2). S2 should have been an owl.</p>
<p>Let’s not forget they are canoeing through rapids 
!</p>
<p>Marite…you bring to mind that I was always very relunctant to admit to anyone of child bearing age that my youngest slept through the night at 5 weeks. But I do have long labor stories to tell with D1 ! :D</p>
<p>Let’s face it, some parental involvement navigating the college admissions quagmire is ideal. The degree of that is gonna vary from family to family.
Heck, even the process itself must vary quite a lot because Originaloog’s story of an application taking the one night and poof, he was kinda done is nothing like the process either of my kids had to do. Not even the process my hubby had to do given the CSS Profile AND the FAFSA. Both my kids wrote numerous essays. One kid had auditions. So, even that varies from family to family. I just know that my D felt sorry for the kids whose parents were uninvolved. And I also know that her letter to me of appreciation of my support through the process (after it was over) is one I won’t forget. She still did it herself and drove the process, as well as made all the choices with no influence on our end, but I was definitely involved as the “guide” …kinda like those guys in Italy on the canal boats…</p>
<p>Susan</p>
<p>Funny story here. I was contacted by a WSJ reporter asking if they could interview me for an article they are writing about stress in the college application process. Of all things they had seen a post of mine here, GK which one. (I am sure they have contacted some of you too). I declined, it’s a little too public for me, although I have deep respect for the WSJ. Anyway, I was telling D about it last night and she said, “But Mom, the process wasn’t that stressful for you, was it…” Hehe. Here’s to the parental ability to keep a poker face. </p>
<p>*staggers over to Sinner’s Alley for a round of toasts"</p>
<p>I’m very sorry if I sound offensive 1moremom. It certainly was(is) not my intention. And yes, I understand that those multiple personal essays can be pesky(I enjoy using that funny work), something our son was able to minimize. And yes, those auditions can be uber time consuming(a couple of our son’s friends are music majors).</p>
<p>I guess what I am suggesting, based on personal experience is, 1) encourage your students to use the common application whenever possible; 2) set parameters and expectations early(junior year); 3) encourage them to start and finish the application process early(a thing their recommendation teachers and GC’s will appreciate; and 4)leave them to their own devices, helping them out when asked but avoiding the nagging and shouting matches.</p>
<p>As I mentioned in my first post, most parents here have high achieving students who have worked too hard to screw things up royally at this point. Put some trust in them and I am sure almost all will follow through and do just fine.</p>
<p>Alu:</p>
<p>Same here. Off to the same place.</p>
<p>Thread hijack warning…</p>
<p>FINALLY, I get to brag about my kid being the best at something - my daughter slept through the night from the very first night we brought her home! That’s what happens when you birth 9 1/2 pound babies, LOL!</p>
<p>…sorry, back to your regularly scheduled thread.</p>
<p>originaloog,</p>
<p>Sorry, laissez faire parenting doesn’t work for me. There are no shouting matches, and really not “nagging”, though my daughter might take it that way on occasion. More in the realm of “If you want to apply ED, you really need to get your resume’ going before you ask for teacher recs”, etc. My daughter and I are doing some great bonding during this process, visiting schools together, helping her decide, etc. I have two teenage girls so any time we can share some interests is golden for me (my wife bonds with them at the mall). She’s an excellent candidate for some of the elite schools so I let her know I would support her decision to go wherever she wants, an opportunity I didn’t have at her age. Most of the students in her IB program wind up going to the flagship state U on scholarship, so she was very excited to know that she has options. The GC at her school is clueless, so I’m pretty much doing his job and enjoying every moment of it.</p>
<p>I had one of those really gratifying parenting moments today. S came home from sports camp on the east coast with a teammate/boarding school classmate in tow. The boy is from Hong Kong. I mentioned to the boys that there was a thread on College Confidential about nagging and the application process. My son asked his friend if he knew what nagging meant? The boy said that he did not and my son said, “It’s what your mother is doing about your college essays- always asking you if you have done them.” My son turned to me and said, “His mother is worse than you. But his essays are harder because it is hard for him to write in English.” YAY- there is a parent more irritating than me!</p>
<p>Time to revive the “You know you’re Asian if…”</p>
<ol>
<li>Your mother has a short-haired, curly perm</li>
<li>Your dad is some sort of engineer</li>
<li><p>Your parents hover over your tired, caffeine-drugged body at 12 midnight to say, “In China (or other native country), we studied even more”</p></li>
<li><p>Your parents say, “Calculus!? I took calculus in 8th grade!!”</p></li>
<li><p>Everyone thinks you’re good at math, except your parents who think you’re slow.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>More on:</p>
<p><a href=“http://www.andrew.cmu.edu/user/rywei/aa.html[/url]”>http://www.andrew.cmu.edu/user/rywei/aa.html</a></p>
<p>Originaloog–I have to say, I definitely read your post, especially–</p>
<p>“I would appreciate it if y’all could explain why your experiences are so much different from ours. And why.”</p>
<p>as highly and deliberately critical. I’m glad you didn’t mean it that way, but it sure seemed so at the time.</p>
<p>About the nagging parents:</p>
<p>My parents (I’m a senior) have been really hands-off for the last 15 years of my life. I’ve never really needed any prodding, or whatever, and they have other things to worry about. In fact, they actually didn’t know which summer program I wanted to go to this summer until May and I had already accepted (I could have sworn I told them, but they told me I didn’t) one. They also didn’t realize that I’d quit marching band until about 3 months after I decided to.</p>
<p>I’ve done really well, skipping two grades, valedictorian, etc. So I feel like they did the right thing in letting me make my own mistakes.
Anyway, now, they are freaking out about college and hovering over my shoulder and wanting to read my essays. Its really really annoying and not helpful. And then they research a bunch of schools I don’t want to go to and argue with me all the time.<br>
I feel like I’ve done well enough by myself so far, why can’t they just leave me alone? So my advice to parents is: don’t radically change your parenting approach–this is just another hurdle, and should be treated like any other challenge.</p>
<p>Can’t wait:</p>
<p>Did you skip grades without your parents’ input? Surely the school must have discussed this with your parents (usually schools have to be prodded into letting students skip one grade, let alone two). </p>
<p>I can understand your frustrations at what you see your parents’ sudden involvement. But it is important for you and they to have a talk about finances. You and they need to know whether they can afford to give you a full ride, whether you should apply to schools that give need-based financial aid or try to go for merit money. This has to be a joint process, not solely yours or your parents, unless the “leave me alone” part also mean letting you be on your own financially.</p>