How not to be a helicopter: more advice

Parent Cafe
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<p>They generally come home for the winter break less than a month later, and since they’ve only been away at school for a few months I seriously do not understand why go through the hassle & expense for a couple days break, unless the student is desperate to come home.</p>

<p>It can be a great time for them to either attend dinner at a profs or local students house or even a gathering with new friends. If logistics were difficult to arrange, I wouldn’t feel badly that my child was getting an opportunity to prove they were capable of entertaining themselves.</p>

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<p>My kids never came home for Thanksgiving - too far. But they always found alternatives. Occasionally went home with friends, but once my D got an apartment, she liked to host a big dinner for her friends and now, her younger brother. I think D only came home for Spring Break for her freshman year (and S never). For us, once they head to uni - they are essentially launched. We see them at Christmas and usually for a couple weeks in the summer. Although now that D has graduated and has a real job in the tourism industry, I’m not sure about Christmas this year. Oh well, thank goodness for Skype.</p>

<p>However, I still find ways to helicopter from afar - haha. </p>

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<p>Just a thought: Lots of colleges have a network of staff and faculty who invite students home for a Thanksgiving meal, soliciting students (including internationals who might get a kick out of the American holiday customs) who specially will be staying on campus. Also, some students turn to volunteering in soup kitchens and nursing homes for the holiday. Or, hit a restaurant with a group of similarly situated buddies. With college’s FB it’s pretty easy to arrange. :slight_smile: (Of course, I understand how hard it can be for many families to not have their freshman, especially, come home for Thanksgiving.)
Or, a student can be host by having one of their friends residing in another city come visit them, and even play tourist for the long weekend. </p>

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<p>As a college professor, yes to everything in the article.</p>

<p>The reason sometimes the syllabus doesn’t state whether class will be cancelled before Thanksgiving is that a lot of it might depend on how much of the material we have covered, whether we’ve had classes cancelled due to snow, etc. And professors don’t always have family in town, and we generally use the break to do research (which we need to do to get tenure), so it’s not as easy at it seems. </p>

<p>Another point I’d make is that when parents contact the professors directly (instead of the student), it reflects badly on the student. Specially when it comes to grades, just because you are paying tuition doesn’t mean you get to tell me I should give your S or D an A instead of a B. </p>

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<p>Sorry to revive a little bit of an old thread, but since we just had move-in weekend, I have some more tips from the trenches, if you will ;)</p>

<p>If you’re unhappy with something in the residence halls, PLEASE be kind to the people who work in the halls. Whether it’s an RA or a live-in professional who supervises the RAs. Most of us go into this to help people, and we will bend over backwards for you if you calmly explain what the problem is and what you want. </p>

<p>On a related note: don’t throw around your (perceived) authority to get what you want. No one in the ResHalls cares that you’re a donor, and you shouldn’t threaten to call the President just to get what you want. It makes us want to help you less because we feel like you’re just going to go over our heads anyway.</p>

<p>Please, PLEASE, let your student advocate for themselves, and make sure you and your student are on the same page about what you want. We don’t bite, and see above: we will help as much as we possibly can (within reason.)</p>

<p>No, you probably cannot move for the first 3-4 weeks. Most schools have a “room freeze” for that period of time so that we can figure out who’s not coming and make sure we know where people are. Yes, this is an actual thing. Unless your student feels legitimately unsafe in their room, there are strict policies in place about who can move when.</p>

<p>If something like a specific side of the room or being near the window is really important to you or your student, please get there early. That way we can avoid fights with roommates over stuff being on “your” side of the room.</p>

<p>If beds are assigned/sides of the room are assigned, please make sure you know which side of the room is “yours” before you move in.</p>

<p>ResHall rooms are small. It’s a fact of life.</p>

<p>If something is broken or doesn’t work, just let us know. We do room checks before you arrive, but we’re human and we can’t catch everything. Most schools have maintenance people on campus during move-in weekend and they can fix things pretty quickly if you just let us know instead of getting angry.</p>

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<p>As an RA who has move-in weekend next weekend, I second this. ^^
Please don’t yell at us because you don’t like little Suzy’s room/apartment while Suzy stands there to the side, looking mortified. </p>

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<p>DD knew she couldn’t come home for Thanksgiving – too much time and $$$, esp. since she would be flying out of and into airports notorious for delays and cancellations. One of the first things she did in the fall was line up multiple Thanksgiving invitations. She actually had two Thanksgivings because her friend’s parents were divorced, so the first was with his dad and the following day was with his mom after they went out for Black Friday madness. I think perhaps her presence made it more comfortable for her friend. </p>

<p>And folks, my DD is your helicopter stand-in. Of course she has done and will do dumb things, but she has also advised (lectured!?!) friends on getting their acts together, time management, the dangers of hooking up with strangers, etc. This summer, a friend contacted her panic stricken because somehow his fall schedule did not show a class he needed in order to graduate a semester early. She walked him through the steps he needed to take as she seems to understand how to get around administrative hurdles. Your son or daughter may have similar friends. </p>

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<p>I can have a tendency to hover (mostly in safety related and driving issues). But I don’t think I saw schoolwork for either kid (both private souls) since 6th grade. College editing? Wow. </p>

<p>Per flights, DS almost always flies back to school on DEN–>BOS redeye (direct). It’s just easier that way. </p>