<p>Both my kids will be in college in the fall. Both universities are about 100 miles away from our home. I want to visit from time to time, but I don’t want to interfere with their activities or appear to be a hovering mother. </p>
<p>I was thinking maybe twice in the fall and once in spring. Parent’s Weekend would be one. Maybe their birthdays another. Some other special event another…</p>
<p>What’s the norm?</p>
<p>Totally up to your kids’ schedules. Don’t pressure them to commit to any dates until later, they will want to get settled and maybe do things with their new friends.
You’re only a couple of hours away, keep it open. You don’t even need to spend the night.</p>
<p>It varies from family to family.</p>
<p>My daughter and a friend whose family lives in the town adjacent to ours both attend the same college a seven-hour drive away. Her parents visit a couple of times a semester. </p>
<p>I, on the other hand, drop off my daughter in August and pick her up in May. In between, she comes home for most breaks, but I never go to her campus. Nor would she want me to.</p>
<p>Different strokes for different folks.</p>
<p>I really want to visit the campus, meet their friends, see the dorm rooms and where they go to class. I think a day visit on a Saturday or Sunday every once in a while, take them to lunch etc. isn’t too much, right?</p>
<p>That might just be too much…
You need to face it; their new friends are not going to be very much a part of your life. I would definitely go once a semester, but wait for them to invite you. That way you won’t feel as though you were intruding at all, and they would be able to have the time to spend with you-- you will really have no idea of what they are doing from day to day. It’s hard, but it’s the new truth.</p>
<p>My kids did not go to school very close so we only visited once during the school year. We moved my son in but he moved himself out every Spring, including this year after graduation. With our daughter we couldn’t even help her move in or out. They generally came home twice a year. It was strange not knowing their friends or their schedules. Oftentimes, I didn’t even know what classes they were taking. </p>
<p>I think if my youngest one goes to college within a couple of hours drive I might visit him twice a year, once in the fall and once in the Spring, but I don’t know. My oldest son had enough breaks that I didn’t miss him quite so much. He was home for fall break, then Thanksgiving, Christmas and usually Spring break. The two years that I went to parents weekend made it seem that face time was REALLY often.</p>
<p>The parents of one of DS’s suitemates lives a few hours’ drive away, and I think they (sometimes both parents, sometimes just the dad) visit at least a couple times a semester. They bring goodies (food, etc.), and take all four suitemates out to dinner. I get the impression that all the boys enjoy these visits, especially the dinners out, quite a bit. I’m always envious when I hear about these visits, and wish DH and I could do the same! </p>
<p>DH did visit DS recently for a long afternoon, when he (DH) attended a work-related conference in a nearby city. I think DH and DS had a great time, and that DS appreciated the visit.</p>
<p>S2 goes to school 900 miles away. Freshman year, we drove him out and moved him back home. I made two trips and H&I made 1 trip together to visit. This year, H&I made one trip for a big concert, although we hardly saw him. It was between Thanksgiving & Christmas so we had just seen him and he would be home again in a week. </p>
<p>Second semester H&I made one trip to visit because he had come down with mono.</p>
<p>Tatin- Too too much. You’ll meet their friends if they invite them to your house.
Don’t pressure them to help you deal with your loneliness and empty nest syndrome.
How about a new hobby, home improvement project, a puppy, perhaps?
You’ve done your job, now let them fend for themselves.</p>
<p>Tatin,</p>
<p>Current college kid here. My school’s ~120mi from my parents’ home. I totally disagree with those who think you’re doing too much. I absolutely LOVE IT when my parents come visit every once in awhile. It takes the pressure off me to figure out when I can go home and they still get to see me. It’s always fun to go out to eat and my family knows my friends pretty well (I have like, 3 or 4 close ones). I usually bring a pal or two along and we make it a fun event. I find that my friends’ parents come up occasionally too. As long as you don’t turn it into a long weekend and expect to be entertained constantly, a few visits a semester should be perfectly fine.</p>
<p>You say parents’ weekend will be one. Will your kid join a fraternity or sorority? If so, they’ll probably have a dad’s weekend and mom’s weekend at some point (those are always fun too). Is homecoming big at their school? How about football? All of those are great times to visit. </p>
<p>Don’t expect your kiddos to entertain you the whole time while you’re there–that can get overwhelming. What’s worked well for us in the past has been something like this: mom drives up in the morning, picks me up from class (or wakes me up if its a weekend), we go to lunch and catch up (usually at a nice-ish place), then either do a little shopping (my school has a nice college town attached) or (if she’s spending the night) she checks into her hotel, I go home/do other stuff, we meet back up for dinner or something. On football weekends (my family LOVES college football), I stop by whatever tailgate party they’re going to, mingle for a little while, go to the game with my friends, then usually meet up with the fam to go out to dinner before they return home. </p>
<p>Insert my friends whenever they’re interested and available.</p>
<p>If you and your kids have a pretty strong relationship (seems like you do, since you seem sincere about wanting to visit and get to know their lives, rater than control them), then by all means, go see them. I love showing off my life to my parents. And I think it puts them at ease to know that I’m surviving just fine on my own.</p>
<p>Have you tried talking about this with your kids yet? See what they think? </p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>Kristin, You seem like a great kid. That’s exactly what I want to do, minus the football. (HA).</p>
<p>A little lunch, a little walk around campus, some chit chat catching up. I don’t expect to be entertained.</p>
<p>Our son is 5 hours away. We usually visit him once in the fall for a football weekend (Parents Weekend). He’s always happy to see us come… and equally happy to see us leave. </p>
<p>I think visiting about once a semester is fine. If your kid is in a performing group, going another time to see them perform (or see their sporting event, etc) is fine too. Just make sure you ask your kid in advance if it’s ok for you to come that weekend, and expect to be on your own at your hotel at night.</p>
<p>Our D is 2 1/2 hours away. I have business in her area about once every other month for 2 to 4 days. I text her when I arrive in town (can’t do it ahead of time due to nature of my job) and if she has time to grab a meal and a bit of shopping she will invite me. Up to this point, she has always extended the invitation but that may not always be the case. I get 2 maybe 3 hours but we always have fun.</p>
<p>D1 is 210 miles away. We visit once or twice a semester, but not parents weekend after freshman year. We normally try to time it around her dance performance. But I would go up sometimes by myself if I have a long weekend, and we would have a girls’ spa weekend. When we go up we would arrive on a Sat afternoon. We would spend the afternoon together and have a nice dinner. She would usually leave 9 or 10 to meet up with her friends. We would have a brunch next day, then leave. </p>
<p>We usually decide together when to go up for a visit. We don’t go up if she is busy, may it be school work or social commitment. We visited more often the first year. D1’s birthday is in the summer. If it was during school year I would have made a point of visiting.</p>
<p>S is going to college 50 miles away, to H’s and my alma mater. We have season football tickets so I assume we’ll be seeing him often during the fall at our tailgate, if only to eat something other than dorm food. After that, I don’t know about the frequency, but I have already promised him that we will always call first and not show up unannounced.</p>
<p>During S1’s four years of college (two and a half hours from home) , we visited prob. six or eight times. Most of those were when we were passing through the city and stopped in for lunch with him. </p>
<p>S2 (four hours fr. home) No visits during freshman yr. About 6 visits during soph. year…only because we are building a house in the area so would call him and go out for a meal whenever we went to work on the house. We don’t even go inside the house, just call when we’re near his house and he meets us in the driveway. After the meal we drop him off at the curb and head home. He likes the free food.</p>
<p>oldest went off to school about 170 miles away.
First gen college, 11 yr old sister at home.
My H & I took her to school at the end of August 2001, while her sister was at camp.
My mother and I ( and her sister) went down for parents weekend in Nov- but we didn’t see much of her.
I went a few times over the years to visit- but while her sister would stay on campus with her- and that was fine ( sis also brought friends a few times as well- mostly gave them something to do during midwinter break), I rarely saw her and usually I sent the kids off themselves & stayed home.</p>
<p>H & I went up to younger D’s college this past Thursday ( her first year)- but while we had called in advance- she was very busy and we didn’t see her ( we just went for the drive & other business) .
She does come home occasionally however- as she is just 70 miles or so away.</p>
<p>My D ( second year in N. Carolina) came home for Christmas, and I met her in various locations on three other occasions. Thanksgiving in Atlanta, my homecoming in DC, and spring break in New Orleans. Turned out well, and I was touched when she said someone asked her did she miss California, and she said “No, my mom finds excuses to come visit”. Awww! It used to be it was her FRIENDS that she would miss.</p>
<p>Our son is 3000 miles away, almost finished with sophomore year. We dropped him off freshman year and I haven’t been back since. My H went for parent’s weekend that first year, and he also flew there with him for move-in this year. He will be staying on-campus this summer, and we have plans to visit him one weekend in July. He has been home a number of times, most recently last month for his grandpa’s funeral.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>LOL. Son will be about 80 miles away. He’s said we are welcome to visit any time as long as we take him somewhere really, really nice to eat.</p>
<p>We are alum of his college and will also go down for football games (been doing this for most of his life, so he won’t think it’s just an ‘excuse’ to see him). I expect he will drop by for a few minutes of tailgating. Actually, I have been told if you bring a ‘spread’ of food, they will often bring a crowd of friends who will hang out for a while and eat. Apparently, offering good food is a great way to attract college students. I plan to give it a try.</p>