<p>I’m just curious, as I found on another thread surprise that a parent had her 15-year-old son call her every other when he was at camp a few states away. Personally, my sister (recently graduated) and I would call our parents every day when at school, even if it was for a moment while walking to class. And trust me, this says nothing about a lack of independence. Why does it seem like this concept is such a foreign one to most parents?</p>
<p>Well … first of all there is a difference between a 15-year-old and an 18-year-old. Nonetheless, I would not “have my 15-year-old son call” me when he was away at camp.</p>
<p>In regard to college students, I think it very much depends on the kid and the relationship s/he has with the parent. My DD is about to begin her third and senior year at a residential high school. She calls about once a week and talks to DW. (If I answer the phone, it’s usually “Hi, Dad, is Mom there?”) They often chat for an hour or more. But that’s her choice, not ours. With this kid, if we tried to establish rules about when and how much to call, we’d have a major rebellion on our hands.</p>
<p>If a college student wants to call mom or dad on a regular basis, there’s nothing wrong with that, IMO. If a college student doesn’t want to make those calls, that’s also okay, in mybook. They are, after all, adults.</p>
<p>Remember that communication doesn’t have to be limited to telephone calls.</p>
<p>For some students (and parents), e-mail, instant messaging, or texting may be more convenient. </p>
<p>And since e-mail and texting don’t interrupt what the other person is doing in the way that a phone call does, parents may feel more comfortable initiating these types of communication even if they’re not sure of their students’ schedules.</p>
<p>i’m an incoming freshman. my mom wants me to communicate (meaning call or email) every week.</p>
<p>Mainly just text messages - every other day or so just to let me know they’re alive. My D (college soph) might call every other week or so “just to talk” but S (HS junior) can go weeks without direct communication when he is away from home. But my 2 kids skype each other almost every night!</p>
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<p>Indeed. We sometimes find out more about what’s really going on with my rising HS sophomore son who lives under our roof from his sister, who’s a rising senior in a residential high school an hour away.</p>
<p>For the OP’s question, the concept seems like a foreign one because it is not the norm for everyone. I was in college 30 years ago and had a roommate whose mom called several times a day (no cell phones then) and I thought that was really weird, but they were Greek and that seemed to be their culture. I still rarely talk to my mom more than once a week. I do not enjoy talking on the phone, so once a week with my kids is plenty. If something important comes up, we will text or e-mail. I do not need to know the day-to-day details of their lives.</p>
<p>Once a week for the college kids. Actually back when I was 14-15 and at summer camp we wrote letters…and not every day so to think a kiddo would call everyday seems alittle odd. If a parent needs to talk to kiddo everyday perhaps they shouldn’t send away. Just saying…</p>
<p>We require our kids to call once a week whenever they want or we won’t put any more money in their account, so they call. D1 calls about twice a week and we keep a constant string of emails and texts. S1 on the other hand calls his once a week and then we don’t hear from him until the next week unless he really needs something which we’re fine with as long as he keeps calling us every week. S2 and S3 are both still in middle school and we don’t come across the situation much, but D2 is in high school and whenever she goes away on a camp or something she has to call us once when she gets there (if she flys alone or travels with a friend) and once sometime throughout the week.</p>
<p>I’m a guy going into my senior year in college. I try to call every day or two, although sometimes, when I’m stressed I tell my parents I’m gonna be out of touch for as much as a week. That’s rare though.</p>
<p>I would call my parents roughly once a week when I was at college. More often if something exciting happened that I wanted to share. We were also facebook friends towards the end of my college years, so I could share photos and other events. My parents and I are really close, so I never needed any prompting to call or text, I just did it when I wanted to talk to them or when I was lonely for home. For most students, I think it’s like this, they just find a natural rythym that works for them. For some, that’s calling every day, but I think for most, it’s just naturally less than that. Also, in my case, there was time zone difference that meant I could only call at certain times of day and it wasn’t always convenient for me to do that every day. </p>
<p>The camp thing seems really surprising, if for no other reason than when I went to summer camp, the point was to be away from phones and other electronics, so we would have had no way to call our parents even if we had been inclined to, which we weren’t. You wrote letters if you wanted, and your parents sent you packages.</p>
<p>Skype is great and it is free. We chat face to face about once a week, sometimes more. Also I like it when my S turns on/off his computer, skype tells me he is now connected and available or when he has gone offline. It gives me a good sense that he is alive and well on the other side.</p>
<p>There can be a generational disconnect here, based on how we use phones. My son will often call on his cell to ask a brief question or to make a single comment, and that’s it. We are more used to the more lengthy periodic call which involves generalized catching up.
Hint: if you just want to find out if your kid is alive, don’t text “Are you OK?” Instead, text: “What was the name of your ninth grade math teacher?” You are much more likely to get a prompt response.</p>
<p>Many past threads on this. Nephew calls home frequently. Our son never would- we called him once a week to touch base. Sent many emails- often ignored requests for replies. Likewise with cell phone messages. With Skype had several unexpected conversations since he was online and not busy elsewhere.</p>
<p>Try to establish that a once a week call is expected and settle on a day/general time for it. Sunday afternoon or evening seemed to work- studying likely but not too close to deadlines for a short call. Hearing a voice gives a lot of information emails don’t. Don’t expect any information about classes, friends- let them have their own life. More information received when less asked in our experience. </p>
<p>Now that son has a post college job we continue to touch base weekly. I expect that to change years from now when he has someone else closer in his life (wife).</p>
<p>When I was in college, the internet was only starting to become popularized and cell phones practically didn’t exist except for one undergrad who had a brick-sized satellite phone. </p>
<p>That combined with the fact most college students back in my parents’ home countries were expected to cope on their own with little/no parental contact except an occasional letter meant my parents had far less expectations of contact than most college classmates. </p>
<p>This was further helped by my being wary of what happened to some older cousins who ended up doing poorly in college or got kicked out of grad school because of clingy parents/relatives who contacted them several times a week and expected them to put their social/family activities(i.e. Dinner parties) above their academics. Though they felt I was being too aloof from the family, I did far better than they did academically…and didn’t have the stigma of being a university flunkout. </p>
<p>If I had a parent/relative who mandated weekly contact, I’d be driven to rebellion and fears I made end up like those cousins. :(</p>
<p>I’ve got one college kid who calls once a day, at least- with little to say. And one who rarely calls, but is amazing on FB IM. Any time we’re on at the same time, she’ll give me 10 min or so, lots of details and thoughts. If we’re not on together, she’ll text- can be an update, a grade or even a complaint. So, I’m grateful for the technology.</p>
<p>You can see my thread title “How do you deal with the lack of communication?” </p>
<p>How often does he call----practically never!</p>
<p>Next year after she starts college, I am hoping she will Skype weekly. Bless her heart, she wanted me to buy my new laptop with a webcam. I hope I hear from her more often via text, FB, or chat, but I would worry if I got frequent calls. Now, once she has an apartment, I would expect frequent calls/Skypes to her dad (the family cook) asking how to fix something, or the laptop held in front of something asking if it is <em>done</em>. Her doctor gets Skypes from her daughter asking her mom for medical advice or whether she needs to see a local physician!</p>
<p>Call? Hmmm, maybe once a week. But if you said “contact someone in your family” I’d say at least every other day. D frequently pops up on Facebook chat (I generally have it up at work) or sends me an email ("hey mom, can you order me this book from Barnes & Noble?) or writes on her sister’s FB wall, or texts DH when she has something to say about football/hockey. We’ve skyped a few times while she’s been abroad but we only did that once or twice while she was on campus; just didn’t really work for us then. </p>
<p>We also found that it was easier to have us talk to her separately, rather than have the “call the house on Sunday when everyone’s home” moment. She has different conversations with me than with her Dad & sister. “My” phone call with her was generally late in the afternoon while I was driving home; no one interrupted us that way ;)</p>
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<p>Maybe not, Wis. My husband’s parents called us every Sunday for 35 years (until they were no longer able to do so. Nothing wrong with that! </p>
<p>I speak to at least one of my Ds everyday and usually hear from the others (I have 5) via email or FB message. The six of us communicate daily as kind of a round robin thing. None of us hears from all of the others but we keep in touch, if you get what I mean. 
I often hear some news from one about one of the others without getting it directly. It works for us.</p>
<p>When I was in college, I remember writing letters to my mother almost daily for the first year. We had, and continue to have, a very close relationship but I couldn’t afford frequent phone calls so letters were how I told her all about my adventures. She wrote to me almost as often, and I still have all those letters. My grandmother was also a great letter-writer and I cherish those that I received from her. I talk to my mother on the phone about 3 times a week now, and in between we communicate via email. </p>
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<p>Hunt, I love that suggestion! I have one D who is very bad about replying to emails and texts. I’ll give that a try.</p>