A friend and I spent 2 months bumming around Europe when we were 16. Looking back, I can’t believe our parents were ok with it! It was really a fun, life-changing experience that I’m really glad I was able to have.
I would lean towards letting the kid go, but if I was really concerned then I’d ask him to compromise with me by coming up with a plan and an agenda. Where does he plan on going, where does he plan on staying, does he know the prices, is he buying a train pass, does he need visas, etc. That would help him think it through and also provide the parent with some assurance that there’s some forethought and at least a loose itinerary.
My nephew did it upon graduating. Really, these days, it is easier than ever to stay in touch. Get a good cellphone, download a tracking program if you both agree, and make sure he has a credit card. It is much safer to do this in Europe than on the US. Tens of thousands of kids worldwide (particularly aussie kids) manage it just fine, and they are no more intelligent or mature than our kids.
While this may be true, the world was different and we have certainly learned a lot since then. I would be fine with my kid going abroad with a friend. I just don’t think it necessarily makes sense to go solo - I was 20 when I went to London in 1985, but I was on an abroad program and met a group there. We traveled together and am thankful I was with someone when my passport got pickpocketed in Paris. I didn’t have much money and wasn’t exactly sure what to do so having some support was awesome. We had no cell phones, didn’t speak French, had no fancy app to translate, and had no credit card - just travellers checks or local currency. And while today’s kids have many modern conveniences, they are burdened with having to be far more vigilant. We were cautioned on pickpockets (which I still failed at), but we didn’t really have to worry about suicide vests, kidnappings, rapes, and sex trafficking. And, I hate to say it, but young foreign women are targets. Bottomline - there are risks everywhere. I would just prefer my kid have a buddy, like I did, in case there is a problem.
I was going back and forth to Africa at 16 making stops in Europe on the way. Lived with a French family at 17 and traveled all over Europe that year. I’d done a lot of traveling with my parents before that. I even got put on a plane at nine looking after my seven year old brother, but we were only alone for the plane flight. (It made an unexpected stop midway, because of mechanical issues, but we survived and that was before cell phones!) My niece who has also traveled a lot with her parents did a senior project with one other girl in Europe spring of senior year - it made her parents extremely nervous, but they had a great time. I had a great time reading their blog. For a first trip, it might be nice to have a companion, but in some ways you meet more people and learn more if you are alone.
One of my nieces traveled alone, mostly, around Europe for five months, age 18-19. She had graduated from high school in December, and was starting college the following September. I wondered whether she was ready for it (and, probably, so did she, and certainly so did her parents), but it was a smashing success. She learned a lot about herself and about the world, and developed a great deal of confidence. She stayed at hostels and almost invariably made friends there, so the amount of time she spent truly alone was fairly limited, and mostly consisted of going from one city to the next. Sometimes she even traveled city-to-city with new friends. Along the way, she spent two weeks with her sister, who was working (as a circus performer) in Munich, then she met up with my family in Spain and spent 10 days traveling with us in Barcelona and Andalusia. She had an amazing time.
Both of my kids did one set of college visits alone when they were 17 and juniors in high school, but each had people they knew well to stay with at every college, so they were only alone going one to the other. That was fine.
“We were cautioned on pickpockets (which I still failed at), but we didn’t really have to worry about suicide vests, kidnappings, rapes, and sex trafficking.”
Totally agree with this. I definitely met more people when I was alone. It’s a whole different experience and forces you to really become independent and hones your social skills. If he’s up for it, he’s a brave guy. I wouldn’t hold him back. But yes, I would want to know the trip details and stay in the loop about where he is at any given time. Heck, I’d want someone to know my whereabouts even now.
Realistically, he is much safer going to Europe alone than going to college, where the dangers of excessive drinking, drugs, hazing, etc are far more likely than the very low risk of suicide bombers or human trafficking abroad.
Why not? Your parents’ generation (greatest or silent) probably grew up in an era where adolescents had to grow up and learn to be adults quickly, and did not have their parents watching over them every minute. So their boomer or generation-X kids grew up going to their friends’ houses, parks, school fields to play pickup basketball games, etc. on their own, practicing their “independence” skills early on. Some of the kids then worked after school or in early-morning newspaper routes, or on the family farm, etc., again practicing their “independence” skills early on. But these generations also experienced the crime wave and became much more fearful, so that they as parents now keep their millennial or generation-Z kids on much shorter parental supervision leashes (playing with friends is now in parentally organized playdates, rather than kids deciding to play pickup basketball games as the school day ends).
So perhaps it is not surprising that today’s parents are much more hesitant at allowing their kids to travel on their own, and the kids have less practice doing so.
I spent time traveling in Europe (though rarely alone) when I was 15, and my access to alcohol and drugs was far, far superior to what I had at home. No need for fake IDs, either. I had a great time, but my parents were holding their breath, I’m sure.
@ucbalumnus has it just right, I think. My parents, and my wife’s parents, too, thought it was their duty to let us be independent and to let us develop street smarts on our own. We took the same approach with our kids, but that made us more or less outliers among the parents in our community.
My S did a cross country Greyhound bus trip the summer after he graduated high school. He did go with a couple of friends, but this was pre-cell phone and I was a nervous wreck. My D traveled in Europe and Asia on her own in her early 20’s, but by then she had a cell phone and international phone plan. I really think it depends on the kid - how adaptable and resourceful is he? Is he a real risk taker? If so, I would be inclined to say no. I would encourage frequent check-ins and that he stay in hostels,if he does go. As someone mentioned above, he will meet young people and likely find others to travel with.
Both my kids started going into NYC on public transportation on their own in sophomore year in high school - one to take classes at Columbia the other to do research at the New York Public Library. They learned to use the commuter rail and the subway then.
All colleges are going to have access to illicit substances more than you had living at home as a high school kid,@JHS. Such is the nature of college. I don’t think drugs are more difficult to obtain on campus than on the streets of Paris. And there isn’t peer pressure to contend with in Paris. Not to mention less binge drinking.
Thanks for all of the opinions and different points of view - it’s interesting how times have changed. I remember playing in the streets until well after nightfall. At age 10, I was walking to school alone and riding the bus.
I remember ‘babysitting’ my sibs at age 11 and so many other things I would have never let my kids do and such a young age! Sigh…!