<p>Maybe because they just got home from school/work/basketball practice/French club/whatever and have to open the door to get into the house themselves?</p>
<p>Maybe because they were afraid that the whole school would be laughing at them tomorrow if they didn’t?</p>
<p>Maybe because the other people have been outside ringing the bell for half an hour and have started trashing the yard?</p>
<p>Maybe because they only saw one friend outside and thought it was OK, not realizing that there were 20 other people in the bushes?</p>
<p>I’m sure you can come up with other scenarios, but these will do for starters.</p>
I would hope any kid would know what to do at that point.</p>
<p>What about for a starter to teach your kids not to tell anyone when parents are not home. But if your are not sure if your kid could do that, then it is a good sign your kid is not ready to stay home alone.</p>
<p>I’m definitely not advocating your kid put out a Facebook blast that they’re home alone, it’s not really anyone’s business. Also not being pollyanna here but the kids coming in uninvited - I can’t see it. Worst case scenario you call in the neighbor adult to intervene. We were also VERY specific about who could come in and when, and their parents were well aware what the situation was.
Again, would do it again in a heartbeat if necessary. IMHO 17 is too close to leaving for college, they need to test some independence before then.</p>
<p>There are a lot of ways to look at this issue. For some, it is part of the incremental march towards independence. For other parents, issues with their particular child or the social climate of the area they live in may immediately indicate that this is a bad idea. Sometimes, there is too much anxiety associated with the situation, perhaps including legal liability and wanting their child to be able to access help quickly in any type of emergency.
I can’t help but think that many kids are in a very different place socially as they become juniors and seniors. Whether this is optimal or not can shift when you least expect it. I chose to have my kids develop their autonomy and self reliance in other ways at this age, but I respect that there are pluses and minuses of each option.</p>
<p>I’m with Oldfort – I cannot imagine my kids letting people in the house, but maybe that is just my kids. Know your kid, and if you feel that he can be trusted, I say give him boundries and expectations and then let him try it out. There is a saying here on CC “Love the kid on the couch”, well in this case, I say, decide if the kid on YOUR couch is trustworthy.</p>
<p>I’m also with Oldfort on this one. My kids would never let others in the house against our rules, and nor do they even have friends looking for a parent-free environment. In fact, they can even have friends over. I’m not naive, I know my kids and their friends very well. </p>
<p>I think it really comes down to the particular child and their social world.</p>
<p>I think even if your kid is trustworthy, you may live in a community where other kids might take advantage. Or you might live in a community where this is just unlikely to happen.</p>
<p>As I’ve thought about this more, I think that in my community, 15 is a little young. I think I would leave my 17-year-old alone overnight. But we had grandma come and stay with the 17 and 19 year olds when we left for a week. But that was not really because of trust issues.</p>
<p>We would all like to think we have given our kids great values and common sense but the fact of the matter is that they’re kids and sometimes they make mistakes, which is why they still let us live in their houses!</p>
<p>A 13 year-old girl was killed here two weeks ago. It was the last day of school and she was running for the city bus because the Mayor had decided to eliminate school buses for her. The school is located right in the traffic path of the largest trucking facility in New York City. She apparently was so focused on catching that bus that she didn’t notice the tractor trailer coming her way. I can’t imagine how the driver will live with this. There was an outcry in our community and some people blamed the kid because “why didn’t her mother teacher her to cross the street?” but I’m sure she knew how to cross the street. It was the last day of school and she was excited, and she also knew that the next city bus was a half hour away. At a certain point of maturity, their brains allow them to make good decisions, but all research has show that it’s not until around age 19 that the brain has fully matured. It may be that oldfort’s kids are prodigies, but I wouldn’t gamble safety or liability on my 15 year-old’s ability to withstand peer pressure or to make as many good decisions as would be needed in two overnights. It would only take one neighbor to innocently mention to the wrong person that the family is out of town (and there are a lot of ways that could happen) and you have a disaster on your hands. A young man (17) was arrested near me this week because he had found out that his friend’s family would be out of town and decided he was entitled to their electronics. Stuff like that happens too. Do I think it’s likely to happen? No. But I would be much more comfortable if my kid had a trusted friend to support him. I wouldn’t be ok with the alone part.</p>
<p>I would not leave my 15 yr old alone overnight, while he’s a very bright and independent kid, in an emergency I think he could have some difficulty and I would not want to test those waters. I know my son, and he’d very possibly break a few rules, even while agreeing to all of them in my presence, mind you he’s a good kid and a great student, but he’s also 15 and imho they enjoy the freedom and may not show the best judgment in this type of situation. While I agree it depends on the individual child, I’m not sure any of us could guarantee our kids’ reactions in certain situations. Look at the studies that show kids opening the door to complete strangers after being instructed to never do so, the bottom line is things do happen. Remember our own adolescence and how exciting it was to be free to do whatever you wanted? I do.</p>
This could have happened to a full grown adult - too busy talking on the phone, not looking at on coming traffic. A car was also out of control a while back in NYC and killed some people on sidewalk too. Accidents do happen, I do not think this example is really that relevant to this discussion.
Oh good grief, just because I said my kids have some common sense doesn´t mean my kids are prodigies. If YOUR kids would cave in to peer pressure, it also doesn´t necessary make them normal either.</p>
<p>As I have posted, parents´comfort level in their kids may vary, it could be 15, 16, 18, 21, or never. But with my 2 kids, and all of their friends from their high school, I have rarely heard of kids from their school just crashing someone´s house without being invited. Most of the time, parties happen because kid do the invitation, with or without parents´knowledge.</p>
I wasn’t snarking you oldfort. I was acknowledging that some kids really are that mature, and that is not the norm. Although I see why you would take it that way and apologize for my choice of words.</p>
<p>It is not irrelevant. It’s about two issues pertaining to what a child should be able to do at a certain age and deciding whether to go with the “should” or prepare for the possible “could.” With the backstory being that the bus stop in question was moved across the street because 13-year olds “should” have been able to cross the street safely. But sometimes the “could” comes into play.</p>
<p>If YOUR kids would cave in to peer pressure, it also doesn´t necessary make them normal either.</p>
<p>hmm…I beg to disagree. I have three kids, each distinctly different. one of them would typically not cave to peer pressure, and has a strong inner compass, and great impulse control, he’s my outlier. my other two, would cave in to peer pressure, and have. without any dire outcomes, just normal teen situations. they are completely normal in this and growing each day, we use these as great teachable moments, and opportunities for growth, but truth be told this is typical teen behavior. now it is possible to have a family of all outliers in that one’s teens are all more mature than average kids, and have great impulse control, however limited judgment, limited impulse control that belies “caving” in to peer pressure is rather normal.</p>
<p>Interestingly, our decision not to leave our high schoolers home alone overnight had more to do with how we defined our role as parents than any specifics about the community or the kids themselves. Just preferred to keep that option off the table.
You have to do what works for you as a parent and each family has its own parameters. In other ways, my kids had opportunities in high school that some people who would have left their kids home alone couldn’t abide. Ah, the ambiguity of parenthood…</p>
<p>It is irrelevant because it was a freak accident. It didn´t happen because she was 13. What we are discussing here is about what we could expect out of a 15-17 year old, not about all the freakish accidents that could possibly happen to them at that age.</p>
<p>myturnnow - there is no norm when it comes to kids. As I stated in my post, if I wasn´t too clear, just because my kids wouldn´t throw parties while we were away doesn´t make them “prodigies” (or better than other kids), at the sametime, I also do not think it is necessary “normal” for kids to cave in to peer pressure either. Every kid is different, even within the same family.</p>
<p>Well, this is really all about evaluating risk. Examples may be useful as analogies to explain what makes one individual more or less risk-averse than another. I think there are factors that would impact on what the risks are in this situation. Just as a simple example, how physically close are the neighbors, and would they be willing to look in several times during the evening?</p>
<p>The risks will be different for different kids, and different parents will respond to even the same risks in different ways.</p>
<p>And some parents (present company entirely excluded, of course) are dummies and expose their kids to unreasonable risks unthinkingly–while others are so overprotective that their kids are strangled. Trying to find the sweet spot is a challenge for any parent.</p>
But it wasn’t a freak accident. It happened because the city decided, against the principal’s wishes and those of the parents, to move the bus stop across the street after the school buses were eliminated. The bureaucrats took a risk and a child is dead. She should have been able to cross the street. But being a kid, she made a mistake.</p>
<p>
You are so right.
Personally, I see 15 as the tail end of true childhood, with 16 straddling adulthood, and both of my girls made huge leaps in maturity around age 17. I wouldn’t even think twice about leaving them at 17. And I wouldn’t have a problem with leaving a 15 year-old if he had a partner.</p>
mind you he’s a good kid and a great student, but he’s also 15 and imho they enjoy the freedom and may not show the best judgment in this type of situation. While I agree it depends on the individual child, I’m not sure any of us could guarantee our kids’ reactions in certain situations. Look at the studies that show kids opening the door to complete strangers after being instructed to never do so, the bottom line is things do happen. Remember our own adolescence and how exciting it was to be free to do whatever you wanted? I do.</p>