<p>I would worry about my 19-year-old, because the house might burn down around him without waking him up.</p>
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If this had happened to a kid who was much younger, I would say the cause of accident may have been due to moving the bus stop across the street, and I would ask where was the crossing guard. But most 13 year old (even without parents teaching) would know how to cross a street, just like a 50 year old. It´s freakish because she was distracted, not paying attention, just like some adults could be at times. There is not enough teaching or hand holding which could prevent something like that. I would hope, most parents wouldn´t start thinking because of the accident then no 13 year old could be trusted in crossing a street by themselves.</p>
<p>It must be a different world living in the city. When I was 12 my parents left me in charge of my siblings while they went went away every few months to auction. I went on my first road trip when I was 15 and got my drivers license; me and a buddy took off for the big city (50k people) and bought new fishing rods and went to the lake for the weekend. </p>
<p>I personally think that a kid at 15 should have his head on his shoulders and wonder why in the world he would be scarred of being left alone at night. When I was 15 I know that I thought I was bullet proof.</p>
<p>Now that I have kids of my own I would probably worry about them spilling stuff on the carpet or making a mess of my house and not cleaning it up and the wife being in a bad mood when we get back. Honestly the last thing that I would think about is whether my kids would be scared or whether they would have rowdy friends over… I like their friends and if they wanted to come over thats fine, they have all been over before, just dont spill anything on the carpet!</p>
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Crossing guards are a luxury unavailable in that area. And, as I said, the bus stop was moved right, smack into the traffic flow of the busiest trucking facility in New York City. Instead of in front of the school, where the trucks don’t go. I stand by my statement that moving the bus stop was an unnecessary risk, but you don’t have to agree.</p>
<p>A 13 year old is too young to get on a bus in NYC? I saw a lot of middle school kids getting to and from school by themselves (public bus and subway) when I worked in NYC. How would it be possible for them not ever have to cross a street? Every street in NYC is smack in the middle of traffic flow.</p>
<p>Here’s a letter from an advice column in the Boston Globe:</p>
<p><a href=“http://www.boston.com/community/moms/blogs/child_caring/2010/03/leave_a_child_h.html[/url]”>http://www.boston.com/community/moms/blogs/child_caring/2010/03/leave_a_child_h.html</a></p>
<p>The article referred to in one of the comments that followed the column ( which, like here, ran the range in opinion):</p>
<p>[The</a> Teen Brain: It’s Just Not Grown Up Yet : NPR](<a href=“http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=124119468]The”>The Teen Brain: It's Just Not Grown Up Yet : NPR)</p>
<p>Personally, I would not do it for all the good reasons already mentioned. I am a big believer in opportunities for increased independence, freedom and responsibility while still having age appropriate supervision in place. </p>
<p>One additional thing, which may or may not apply, just be aware that this is the kind of thing that can go beyond your own family. Topics like this can be a hot button topic communities among parents of kids in this age group. Fair or not, other parents may hesitate to trust you if they know you are much more permissive than they are.</p>
<p>When D2 was 17 (two months from 18 and about to go off to college) and D1 was 15, H was across country at a conference when I received a phone call that my mom was dying 1200 miles away. I was literally on a plane within six hours and had no option but to leave our girls home alone for the first time. But I know our neighbors well, and they know my kids pretty well. And I trust our neighbors to be nosy enough to intervene if they saw any suspicious activity. Once I was gone, not only were the two alone, but they then had to pack things H and I needed for the funeral (he was meeting us there, instead of flying home, then to Houston), get themselves to the airport four days later, while making arrangements for someone to stay in the house with the dog. In choosing to leave them alone (H did offer to leave his conference early and come home), I took full advantage that this was the perfect time to test them, as I highly doubted they would do anything risky while I was at the bedside of my dying mom. </p>
<p>Zoosermom - I’ve read enough posts about your neighbors and neighborhood to understand why you’d be hesitant, and I probably would be, too. But some of us are able to fully rely on responsible and caring neighbors and, if push came to shove, would not hesitate to leave them.</p>
<p>When we did it with DS15 he had the choice of staying at his best friend’s house for the three days or staying home alone, he chose home, primarily because the logistics of having his homework, clothes, instruments etc. worked better for him. At a second’s notice any of three neighbors or the parents of his buddy would have assisted in any way necessary.
This is just my personal observation, your mileage may vary, but I think some kids around here are so coddled that they are never put in any situation where they are even the slightest bit uncomfortable. They don’t audition for something unless they are close to guaranteed to make a spot. They take the non-honors course for fear of getting a hard-earned B in an honors course. Mom is there 10 minutes early to pick them up at the movies or after extracurriculars so they don’t have to anxiously wait.
Think back to when you were 15, definitely things were so different then, but we all were all over the place, no cell phones, came in when it got dark. Took busses into the city, walked into town with whatever change we had for the 7-11 for candy, etc. Explored dangerous streams, swam and ice skated where we shouldn’t have. I can’t count how many times we were faced with getting ourselves out of a bad decision, missing a bus, being turned around in the woods etc. Hopefully most survived but freak accidents happened then and will always happen.
How do kids today get to adulthood with any sense of independence, living by their wits, feeling comfortable with being uncomfortable, working at jobs they may not love etc.?
I prefer my kids get exposed to this while still living at home, much like I want them to have a few years of teen driving under their belt before being out there in the big world (of college.)
Don’t think I didn’t worry and text while DS was home, just like I do when he and his friends started taking the train to Chicago this summer and walking to museums, the park etc. Have to tell you though, DS15 was (and still is) a worrier, but he is learning that he can think out of the mommy box and do things on his own.
Works for us - so far :)</p>
<p>Teriwtt, I would certainly do the same in an emergency situation like that if there were no other options, especially given the age of your oldest. Sad as the circumstances surrounding it were, I am sure it did give your Ds a sense of pride that they were able to provide support and rise to the occasion the way they did.</p>
<p>oldfort, I already indicated every kid is different, even in the same family. however as a mental health professional who works with teens, I can say the peer pressure issue, or more appropriately labeled, still developing brain, is certainly normal.</p>
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<p>Yes. Kids differ drastically in what they can handle at different ages.</p>
<p>I left my daughter alone at home for short periods (like the 10 minutes it took to drop off her brother at his piano lesson) at age 7. (We didn’t live in Maryland then; I know it’s illegal to do this before age 8 in Maryland.) I let her have certain friends visit when I was not home when she was 10, and I let her go to the same friends’ homes when their parents were not there at the same age.</p>
<p>I didn’t feel comfortable leaving my son home alone for even 5 minutes until he was 10, and he was not allowed to have friends over when no adult was in the house until he was in high school. (I wanted my house to still be there when I got back.)</p>
<p>Different people, different needs.</p>
<p>The issue of leaving either of them home alone overnight before they had graduated from high school never arose. Oddly, though, I knew of several occasions when their friends had been left alone overnight and it was supposed to be an absolute secret. How secret could it be when my kid knew and told me about it?</p>
<p>Teriwtt, the difference in my view is that you left two kids, one of whom was almost 18. The gulf between 15 and 17 is very large in my experience. I also wouldn’t hesitate to leave two 15 year-olds if I thought they were mature and responsible. I just wouldn’t be comfortable leaving one 15 year-old. I have nice neighbors and live in a pretty upscale area overall, but it would only take one well-meaning neighbor to mention to someone that she is keeping an eye on my kids to have party central break out. I think a 17-year-old could handle that, but I’m not so sure about 15. Like I said, I think 15 is still closer to the child end of the spectrum, but not everyone may feel that way. What is clear, however, is that your daughters are very special people and you can really count on them. Having come to “know” you a little bit here, I’m not surprised. Oh and to be completely sexist, I would feel differently about my daughters’ maturity at a particular age than my son’s.</p>
<p>The gulf between 15 and 17 is very large in my experience.</p>
<p>I would agree. At 17(almost 18) I was living on my own ( of course I thought I was * mature* ), but at 15 kids can seem closer to 13, than 17.</p>
<p>Maybe I really am just a sexist, biased woman, but 15 year-old boys seem so young to me. Girls seem older, maybe it’s because girls visually mature before that. Who knows?</p>
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I’m not sure it has anything to do with age. It didn’t even occur to me that my daughter might burn down the house. But my son…</p>
<p>My worry would be that my son wouldn’t take proper care of the pets, but I have complete confidence that even at 15 my daughters would have made sure the pets were cared for exactly as they should be. My son is also flaky. He is generous and loving, but flaky. I don’t see that changing about him. someone will always have to make sure he turns off the burner after he cooks – just like his dad.</p>
<p>zoosermom - forgive my speculation about your neighborhood, but haven’t you shared some stories here about some quite unsavory neighbors that you can’t trust with a fly swatter? And about your kids walking to school? Or maybe a bus? </p>
<p>I really thought this is what I remembered about your area. You’ve also mentioned how you can’t move out because the area has gone downhill and you can’t sell your house for any profit. Please don’t make me do a CC search! :eek:</p>
<p>Teriwtt, what I’ve said is that my neighborhood is beautiful (but it IS New York City), but my house is underwater because my next-door neighbor has chosen to warehouse illegal immigrants in the large Victorian that he owns. Our house is not sellable because of that and it has done a number on the home values all over the block, but it’s still a block of pretty houses with nice neighbors. I’ve tried to be very careful to always explain that the specific situation is unique and not reflective of anything other than the fact that the actions of one person can be very far-reaching for others. The reason we can’t leave is because of my husband’s residency requirement (if we could take the hit on the house, which we can’t). A lot of houses in nice neighborhoods are underwater right now. It’s also the same neighborhood that I posted about the church across the street which had a musical group from down south play songs with my son from across the street! It’s New York City, an upper-middle-class neighborhood, but it’s not rural America where everyone knows everyone else. Most of my neighbors are great, but I wouldn’t trust my 15-year-old son alone.</p>
<p>I forgot that it was actually grandma who almost burned down our house by igniting a paper bag next to the stove. So you really can’t trust anybody, probably not even yourself.</p>
<p>I trust myself only because I’m compulsive, Hunt. HOWEVER, sometimes those scheming family members thwart my best efforts. I came down the other morning to an open back door because someone had opened it after I made my rounds. Criminals!</p>