I have a question about how my husband and I are interpreting a situation.
We played golf with a couple that we did not know in a couples group. How the club worded it, the other couple and us thought it meant that a couple showed up, was grouped with another couple. That’s not how it went. It’s called a couples outing but you have to bring a four person mixed gender group.
This other couple and us were the only ones without another couple. We had fun and decided we would play again.
That was 3 weeks ago. The next weekend, we showed up but the other couple was a no show. It was Mother’s Day. The next weekend we stopped by their house (they live on our street), they were playing but with another couple. We explained that the group wasn’t what we thought and you had to have 4 to play.
I gave her my phone number and said to call us if they wanted to play with us. She was receptive and told us that they were busy but that they would be available the next weekend and beyond for sure.
I interpreted this as a let’s get lunch sometime. My husband interpreted it as she was making a plan for next weekend.
I feel that we’ve gone above and beyond and if they call, then yes we will be glad to play. My husband wants to show up or call the clubhouse, keep our day open in case they show up. Because he thinks she made plans. I don’t. It’s another holiday weekend.
How would you interpret this? I would never expect that an offhand comment is an actual plan. But he does.
that’s not a plan, that’s a polite “maybe”. You’ve made your interest clear, so it is up to the other couple to take the next steps. (making new friends as adults is the world’s hardest thing)
Truthfully, I would interpret this situation as they’re just not that into you.
You’ve made repeated outreaches to them, and for all your efforts they did play but with another couple. You wrote “I gave her my phone number and said to call us if they wanted to play with us.” She hasn’t called. I’d look for other partners.
The weekend they played, it was a family member who was visiting from out of town.
My post was getting long so I left that out.
I’m not worried if they are in to us or not. Or if they want to play.
We decided to support the golf course by trying out this. There was a couples event that ended with the pandemic. A couple showed up and was paired with another couple. This time “people” complained so it was changed to a four person team.
Not what we were looking for but my husband has a habit of not being able to pivot when it’s not working. And he struggles to interpret social situations.
I’m happy if they call, I’m happy if they don’t. But I don’t want to waste my Sunday on a maybe.
We actually have another person to play with on Sundays.
But we wanted to support the golf course and meet new people.
I didn’t want a set team. I don’t want to find another couple. But we felt like we should play with this couple because they acted like they wanted to play.
Which is fine if they do. I’m not invested.
What I am is annoyed that my husband can’t interpret a polite brush off.
There would be an easy way to get an answer on this one. Though I’d be convinced I’m right (and I usually am ), if it’s important to my husband, I’d send a casual text. Something like hey, we were thinking of playing next Sunday. Are you guys going to be there? If so, we’ll look for you. Something that is low pressure, that gives them an opportunity to respond, and that way you know for sure, but doesn’t make you look overly aggressive. Answers the question for once and for all. I love text.
You’ve made it easy for them to reach out to you. But no, nothing is set up now.
And fwiw, they may genuinely want to do something with you but don’t have time for new friends. (I have been that person on many occasions!) So don’t let your DH take it personally.
Other Couple have basically politely told you, without coming right out and bluntly saying it, that they’re not interested in playing golf with the 2 of you again.
Other Couple would rather play a round of golf with people they already know.
You do NOT have firm or even tentative plans to play golf with them on a future weekend.
Don’t hold your breath for them to call you back.
If you want to play with others, then find some other people to play with instead.
I wouldn’t take this personally. Sometimes it’s just a case of the other person being busy, absent minded, a misunderstanding. But if I did actually want to get together, particularly for my husband’s sake, I would reach out and ask if they’re going to be there, simple as that.
My neighbor asked if we could get together starting two months ago. I would respond immediately, and then she’d respond two weeks later, after the dates she’d asked us over. Then she’d email me again, same scenario. I came to the conclusion that there was perhaps a medication or medical issue. I finally texted her, and copied her husband and we managed to get together. I don’t think it was a case of her not wanting to (because she kept asking, and I really wanted to give up), but there was something weird going on, disorganization, too busy, maybe? Glad I stuck with her, though.
I don’t want to reach out again. Like I say, I’ve already put the ball in their court, if they want to play, they can call. Or more likely text.
I didn’t see anything that they don’t want to play, just that it’s a busy time of the year. They might be a bit disorganized and like I stated, the golf course owner changed the parameters after he sent out the flyer. No one’s fault.
It’s a marriage dispute much more than anything to do with this couple. My husband, I feel, doesn’t understand a brush off, doesn’t understand that the wife wasn’t being literal. That she was being polite. Which my husband never is. If he says something, that’s what he means.
If he said he would be there, then that’s the plan. If he was ambivalent, which he would never be, is not what he would do.
And I wanted to poll the people here, that the situation was what I thought it was. Which seems to be the overwhelming consensus.
We did a couples outing before the pandemic where you were paired up randomly. We like that because we got to know new people. Some become friends. It was nice.
Now it feels cliquey. You need to find another couple and become a team. Which is fine. But not how the flyer said or how it was before the pandemic stopped the last outings.
My husband doesn’t care either way. He wants to be free though in case they show up. Because he takes things very literally. A commitment is a commitment. I didn’t see any commitment but he did.
Hence the disagreement today.
I also spent 3.5 hours today with a technician at our house about our internet. I don’t want to sit around tomorrow.
We can golf on our own if the other couple no shows. Maybe I wanted to do something else.
), if it’s important to my husband, I’d send a casual text. Something like hey, we were thinking of playing next Sunday. Are you guys going to be there? If so, we’ll look for you. Something that is low pressure, that gives them an opportunity to respond, and that way you know for sure, but doesn’t make you look overly aggressive. Answers the question for once and for all. I love text.