My parents are making me commute to UCI (as a second year) this upcoming school year (I start late september), but I would very much prefer the convenience of living near campus. I understand that commuting is not too terrible (around 20-30 minutes with no to little traffic) if I really prioritize my time… but I know that I will definitely clash with my dad when it comes to my scheduling when commuting (due to my school involvements/on-campus job). My dad has always cared for my safety and wellbeing, but he has always been (and increasingly become) unwilling to understand that I have commitments and a life in school as well He says he’ll let me stay later at school… but his definition of later is 5/6pm… and one day a week. I had hoped that being away at college for a year would allow him to realize that I am a growing individual working towards my future and working towards becoming and independent student… yet my dad can be a little overbearing sometimes and unwilling to understand my point of view. As you know, some involvements extend to or take place in the evening…. not only that, but I have a class that ends around 8pm. I do not feel comfortable driving home during the evening, and I am sure that my dad would hate that idea too.
Money is not a big issue. In fact, my financial aid covers rent. I had found a spot in an apartment right across the street from school (so around a less than 5 min walk) for a reasonable price. I put that I was living off-campus, and so I received a good amount of aid… but now my dad wants me to save whatever money I have left after tuition is paid and doesn’t see the need for me to live near campus when I have a place at home. Both my parents are quite traditional and don’t really understand the value of independence and experience. They’ve pointed out that I’m a girl (and of course… girls are more likely to face certain dangers) and have used it as a reason to put down the idea.
I’ve come to really appreciate the freedom and sense of independence (as well as the ability to remove myself from a sometimes negative environment at home) that came with living on/near campus. I also believe I would be a lot more focused on my academics in school. In the past, I had to come home every weekend…. and every weekend I struggled to get much done on my work due to constant family conflicts. Coming home this summer has been emotionally draining… and school has become a sort of refuge for me to focus on myself and my educational goals. I hope you understand where I’m coming from and the concerns I have with commuting… Thank you for reading all this and I would appreciate any advice or insight on my situation!
UCI may change (reduce) the financial aid if you commute from your parents’ place instead of living on or near campus. You can get estimates from http://www.ofas.uci.edu/content/Calculator_Dependent.aspx?nav=0 . It is not necessarily true that living at your parents’ place and commuting will be less expensive after the financial aid adjustment.
Since your parents have all of the power in this situation (because you need either or both of their money or cooperation on financial aid forms), they have no reason to budge. In that case, you need to put up with them until you graduate and get a job that pays enough for you to live independently of them.
Its not clear from this, but do your parents think that if you live at home, you will still get the financial aid from the school for housing? It sounds like your dad wants to pocket the financial aid money you got for housing and make you commute. Maybe I’m reading this wrong. I hope so.
Your best bet is to determine how your financial aid will be impacted if you live at home instead of renting. As said above, it may turn out to not cost any more to live in the apartment. Also, if you have to take a class that ends at 8pm you should tell your parents you need to take that class in order to graduate on time and you don’t want to drive home that late in the winter. I would also stress how your campus job hours may extend into the evening and you really can’t control that. Finally, I would explain how the activities you are involved with will help you network for future jobs. You need to sit down with your parents and make a mature,reasoned argument as to why you want to live in the apartment.
If that doesn’t work, you may not have any choice but to live at home. However, make sure you keep your financial aid stuff accurate as to paying rent vs living at home.
What constitutes this good amount of aid? How much of it is free money (grants/scholarship) and how much of your aid package is loans that must be repaid? If you are getting loans in your financial aid package unless you need them to pay your tuition/fees/books, then perhaps, you should rethink this part of your financial aid package.
@ucbalumnus is there enough free money (pell/call grant, etc) that covers tuition room and board where op will not need loans?
You are in all sorts of financial danger here. Watch what you sign!
If you do not live off campus, do not keep the financial aid you got for rent, whether it is loans or grants. Get your aid package redone. You will definitely have to pay back any overage amounts and you could become ineleigible for aid in future years.
Also, once you sign a lease, you are liable for the rent whether your parent lets you move in or not, unless the landlord releases you in writing.
The OP needs to run the UCI net price calculator herself to estimate how changing the living situation from “off campus” to “with parents” will cause UCI to change the financial aid. UCI generally does expect students to take a federal direct loan.
“you don’t want to drive home that late in the winter”
They don’t have much winter to impede driving in Orange County. The sun does set earlier, but the OP would be driving in full darkness long before 8 PM. (In fact, I’d assume it’s safer to be on the roads at 8 when rush hour is over.)
While you may not need additional loans, are there currently loans in your financial aid package?
Are you saying that your financial aid package is all “free money” (grants and scholarship aid)
Also remember any grant and scholarship aid over the amount of qualified educational expenses (room and board are not considered qualified educational expenses) is considered taxable income.
@sybbie719 There are loans in my financial aid package, but I don’t think I’m required to accept them. Last year (when I dormed), my parents just paid the remainder of my housing costs.
Perhaps your parents don’t have the money to pay the remainder of the housing costs and are not too keen on you taking out loans to pay for the housing costs.
If you were to take the $6500 loan, would it be enough to cover your housing or would you still need their assistance.
If money is the real issue, have you spoken to them about how you can help shoulder some of the financial burden?
Did anything happen between last year and this year that has made him come to the decision that you should live at home and commute?
@sybbie719 As I’ve stated, my grants have covered tuition and are also able to cover housing costs so there would be no need for me to take out any loans. I do plan on applying for work study/an on-campus job and pay for whatever additional expenses are left (aka groceries). It’s just that my dad wants me to take whatever is left of my aid to pay for insurance/to save…
My dad initially did not want me to dorm at all… I have kept a 3.9 GPA all my first year and do not drink/smoke/party. Though… my dad is very strict. I am not allowed to talk to/have a friendship with the opposite gender. One time he did take my phone and found out that I went to a concert with a guy friend of mine, and he definitely exploded, accused me of being attention-seeking and warning that I’ll get pregnant, drop out of the school, and bring shame to the family. I think a huge part of the reason I want to live near campus is to escape my dad and his negative views… There was a time when I wanted to spend time with a college friend of mine over the summer and he disapproved of her being Chinese and questioned if I was lesbian??? I probably should not let his accusations/negative perceptions bother me… but it does get tiring.
You may not have leftover money to USE for insurance. You must tell the college you’re commuting. They’ll repackage your aid and might reduce your grants, so don’t count on having extra money.
Living on (near) campus is the best thing a student can do- NM scholar/honors chemistry major here. There is so much going on after hours, plus spending that extra time commuting when you could be studying. Just because many freshmen party does not mean you will. I had so many late night discussions with equally smart/nondrinking friends on campus i would have missed out on. A friend walked to campus from home and missed so much. Wish I could talk to your parents. Smart son lived in dorms, did Honors and was fine. You are who you are and not like the majority.
Financial independence is a real issue. While on campus it is none of your parents’ business who you talk with. Lunch with guys- who knows/cares. Not all members of the opposite gender are interested in you for romance. Two male college friends came to my and H’s wedding years later. Friendships can be of many kinds.
@wis75 Thank you for understanding my situation. I know the other commenters have focused on my financial situation… which can be complicated, but I am willing to accept the financial responsibility of paying whatever additional expenses are necessary in order to live near campus (which fortunately is only across the street from school). I was thinking of contacting possibly a counselor at school and requesting their help in providing some insight as well as talking to my dad? I think my dad just didn’t see the point in me not commuting because my home is 20-30 minutes away… but even so, I feel like living at home has hindered my independence and growth… For one thing, my dad never ceases to make me guilty for “not caring about the family and for caring out outsiders/everything outside the family more” whenever I go out for friends or even school commitments
