How to convince my parents to let me take a road trip: HELP ME!

Parent Cafe
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<p>parents, lets hope you can help me out. Since you have the unique perspective of, well, parents, you’re just the PERJECT people to answer me question. Ok, here’s the situation. </p>

<p>I’m currently 17 years old, and have been driving without any major* accidents or problems for over a year now. So, this summer some friends and I would like to take a road trip down to Southern Cali and then to Arizona, where we will finish our adventure by staying a few days in Tucson, AZ in the guesthouse of one of my friends relatives (they’re good people). My friends and I are not hardcore partieres and not bad kids. Basically we just want to experience some independence, have fun, have an adventure and also, along the way look at some colleges in SoCal and Arizona. My friends parents are already ok with their children going on this trip, but i still have problems. Despite the fact that we’re all good kids, and (most of us) have good driving records (I’ll probably be the one driving most of the time, since i’m really controlling of those sorta things anyway), my parents will be very reluctant to let me go on this trip. What are some good ways to convince them to let me go? I mean, our intentions are good after all, i don’t know what more they would want but my parents are a bit overprotective. </p>

<p>Does a situation like this make u as a parent nervous? and if so, why? What would make this easier for you? should I tell them I’ll call every chance I get (like every time we stop somewhere?) </p>

<p>Also, one more questions. I’ve heard that minors cannot get their own motel rooms, is that so? If our parents made reservations for us prior to the trip would we be able to stay in a motel/hotel on our own? </p>

<p>thanks. I realize this is off topic in this college chat room, but i really don’t’ know where else to turn with this question. thank you!</p>

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<p>Anyone with a credit card can rent a hotel room.</p>

<p>My 17 year old S went to Africa, London and China by himself–but I’m not crazy about the description of your "adventure’ cum “college visit” trip. And the description of “not a hardcore partier” doesn’t help, LOL. Parents are old, but they didn’t just fall off the tomato truck…</p>

<p>Why don’t you seperate the two things? Plan a road trip to somewhere within a four or five hour drive, then plan a college visit trip with your folks.</p>

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<p>In the end, I think you have to work with your parents. I don’t think they are being over protective. Maybe a compromise solution can be worked out when you determine just what each of their objections are. I like Cheers’ idea of doing a trip on a smaller scale for this first time. </p>

<p>Now, I think each case is different and I don’t know you guys and I don’t know your parents. </p>

<p>However, I will share this. They never traveled alone other than on a plane/train where somebody met them on the other end, etc. while still in high school They did not go on road trips overnight, etc. in high school, unless supervised. When they got their licenses at 16, they only drove within about a 50 mile radius from our home on their own.</p>

<p>However, I start to see a new stage in life when a kid is in college and they are living more independently. For instance, right now my freshman in college daughter is in NH several hours from her college. I know she is climbing Tuckerman’s ravine tomorrow (and skiing down) and then with a college peer is driving someone else’s car back to college. No, she did not do this sort of thing in high school on her own but now she is on her own at college so has worked up to this level of responsibility. She also has been driving for 2 1/2 years. I guess you would be shocked to learn that this summer, she is driving with two other 18 year old girls all the way from the east coast to Alaska. Now, YOU likely would have called ME an overprotective mom because my kids were pretty much supervised at all times by someone growing up, all the way until college. When they got their licenses, yes, they drove alone but they called upon starting the car ride and upon arrival at their destination every single time they got into a car. (I will mention this was when they drove themselves but also IF riding with another youth driver and in fact, I just got a call from my high school aged child upon her arrival at their destination with other teens who drove, as is my expectation). But once in college, then they got to do more and more. So, I don’t think your parents are unreasonable. I think you might have to start with something smaller and work your way up and perhaps once in college and more independent, you could do a road trip that is very long like you described. But it really has more to do with your OWN parents’ comfort level. I know I am letting my kid do way way more than ever before by letting her drive to Alaska but at some point, parents do have to let go. But you are still in high school so remember, it is a GRADUAL process and one you earn. My daughter is not a partier by the way, nor are the two girls with whom she will be traveling. </p>

<p>That said, my 16 year old, four weeks ago, was in a very very serious car accident in which she luckily survived and is now recovering. She had only been driving on her own for 2 months. So, BELIEVE me, I am a worrier and was before this happened. But each kid is different and each set of parents are different. Hopefully you can have a reasonable discussion with your parents and work out something that is increasing in responsibility, show that you can do it, and work your way up. Start a bit smaller. You are still in high school and you need to respect where they are coming from as well. </p>

<p>I hope you can find a way to work out some kind of trip of some nature or length. I always thought you had to be 18 to rent a hotel room but I might be mistaken. </p>

<p>Susan</p>

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<p>As strange as this may seem, when my son was 17 he lived in Beijing on his own for the better part of the summer, but I doubt I would have approved of a road trip as you describe it. Driving and teenagers in college towns somehow don’t quite sit well with us parent types. It is the driving part, not the trusting part, that makes us so uneasy.</p>

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<p>I would never allow my 17 yo to do a trip like you describe. Not enough structure and no one 18? Forget it.</p>

<p>I am, however, considering letting her go to London for a volunteer program where she will work for a couple months, then get 2 weeks on her own (when she’ll just have turned 18.) All travel will be on trains/bus/underground.</p>

<p>Your trip is a no go because 1) you are under 18 and not travelling with a responsible party, if you get in trouble with the law you are stranded minors unsupervised, you could be in juvy, 2) you want to do most of the driving and that is too much strain for such a long trip, there should be other responsible drivers and a tenative schedule, 3) look at accident rates for drivers your age, they are sky high until age 25; one year’s driving is just practice, 4) you will be more ready for this next summer; there’s a lot of growing up to do between now and next year.</p>

<p>Don’t do it. Bad move.</p>

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<p>Masha, I did allow my almost-17 year old to take a road trip on spring break with 2 friends, one of whom was 18 - however it was in state, from Northern to Southern California - and while they were there, they also visited my daughter’s relatives. This was just a Disneyland trip - no pretense of anything else - they drove down on a Friday and came back Monday. Daughter had her cell phone and checked in frequently. I was very uncomfortable about the trip – and in fact the only reason it was allowed was that her father was supposed to go with them, and at the very last minute he cancelled, saying he was too busy to get away from work – and I didn’t think it was fair to the kids to have their plans ruined like that. Also, like idad’s son, my daughter has lived on her own overseas for an extended time.</p>

<p>I honestly have to say I would not encourage others to do this, though. I was actually surprised that my daughter’s 16-year-old friend’s mom did not object – I would never have allowed the trip without the other parent not only agreeing, but saying some very nice and reassuring things about my own daughter’s level of responsibility and maturity. My daughter has also driven the distance of that trip once before, with her father and brother in the car.</p>

<p>I noticed that in your post you wrote that you had not been involved in any “major*” accidents - what’s the asterisk all about? Sounds like a hedge to me. </p>

<p>This is really an area where parental judgment comes in - and in the end it may be a gut level thing. Your parents do not sound like they are being unreasonable or overprotective. You say they are reluctant, not that they have made up their mind to prohibit it. “Very reluctant” is where my head was, but in the end I said yes. (And NOT because of wheedling or begging – that would have backfired big time) So I’d say the important thing would be to ask your parents to keep an open mind, and demonstrate your maturity and reliability in everything else for the next couple of months. Take initiative when it comes to household chores and various tasks that need to be done – extra points if you are the one who remembers to gas up the family car and get the oil changed.</p>

<p>I mean, my daughter makes her own medical & dental appointments; she does her own laundry; she cooks most of her own meals, and she was interviewing for jobs the week before the trip - I’m pretty used to the idea that she is self-reliant and responsible. Also, consider inviting an older person along with you - it doesn’t have to be a parent, but if you have a college age or young adult friend or relative who will be driving with you – someone your parents know and respect - your parents’ fears might be allayed.</p>

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<p>Masha: I’m very sorry to join the chorus of “no’s”–but joining it I am…first, whether you can rent a hotel room will depend on the state’s laws…this past December my 17-year-old and I (and one of his friends) went to DisneyWorld in FL for a vacation…I hit a work snag and couldn’t go until the day after we’d planned to arrive. Disney would not let him check in that first night…even with me calling and using my credit card. They told me (and I’ve since confirmed) that it’s a law in FL that those under age 18 may not register on their own for a hotel–any hotel. (I wound up resovling my work conflict, so things worked out ok)…So, you’d have to check the law in AZ (and whatever other states you’d be traveling through) to find out if you can check into a hotel–with or without parental arrangement …</p>

<p>Next–what you want to do is (in my parental opinion) simply not an appropriate plan for a rising high school junior. It’s “too much too soon.” Here in my state (VA), teenage drivers are not even allowed to drive with more than one additional teenager in the car (another law), nor are they allowed to drive on their own after midnight (and before 4 a.m.)…this is not just a “stody old parent” thing–it’s a reaction to the reality that driving can be very dangerous (for adults as well as for kids) and that there’s as much “luck” involved in dangerous driving situations as anything else, and that kids–generally–do not have the experience or “healthy fear level” to contend with those (usually) random situations, particularly when they’re with their friends, having fun…</p>

<p>Last–you badly want to cross the threshold from being your parent’s child and becoming the adult you almost are, I’m sure. But you’re just not there yet, Masha…I presume it’s not your car that you paid for that you pay the insurance on? (If it is, my opinion might soften somewhat…but then again, it might not)…it’s very typical for kids to want what they want w/out having “earned” the privilege…and it’s very typical for parents to WANT to give everything they can to their kids…but some things really must be earned–for the good of the kids as well as the parents. And while you may well have done much to earn this privilege, you don’t say so in your post–you only say you’re a good kid (which I believe) and that you want to do it…neither is a good enough reason to authorize a high schooler’s long drive for no reason other than as a lark…</p>

<p>I’m sorry to be so negative; I’m sure you’re disappointed not to get a rousing round of “your parents are unreasonable; of course you should be allowed to go”…but the fact that you’re getting such universal discomfort about your plan on a parental level ought to you tell you something valuable about whether you really “should” act on it…if you still want to do this in a year or two, things will be different…but right now, if you were my kid, it’d break my heart to deny you something you so obviously badly want, but I’d say no…</p>

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<p>Sorry to join in, but I wholeheartedly agree. Consider also the fact that none of you are legal adults, and should something happen, can’t even be treated at a hospital without parental permission. We had a rule that no child left the state without a responsible adult. This is one of those things that just isn’t worth the risk.</p>

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<p>Sounds like fun- I bet your parents would love to take off work & have a road trip= BTW have you seen how expensive gas is?
I just filled my tank with regular unleaded & it was $41.04!</p>

<p>I assume money or saving money for college isn’t an issue?</p>

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<p>Masha–you did not say where you live. How far is this road trip supposed to be??</p>

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<p>From the 20-something perspsective…</p>

<p>I drove a lot during my first few years of driving (still do, actually), but would not really have been ready for a trip of that magnitude by age 18. It really took me until 18 to feel comfortable doing the 2-hour drives. </p>

<p>I can still remember my first “road trip,” which was about 350 miles each way, with a stop on the way down at a relative’s place. Friend’s family was on the other end. That was a lot of driving, and my first time leaving New England in the car. I was 20 and had logged about 30,000 miles behind the wheel at that time. </p>

<p>Given that you seem to want to do something on that magnitude, or a bit more, and you are significantly younger and a less experienced driver, I can understand the hesitation. It’s really hard to understand that driving more than a few hours at a time is difficult, but it is. </p>

<p>There is a lot of responsibility that comes with driving that much, and a lot of worry. Is your car in great shape? How would it be to break down in Arizona? Last thing you want to do is to figure out how to get your car fixed in the middle of the desert. What are these not-major accidents? Have you ever gotten a ticket? Teenagers get into roughly 5 to 7 accidents for every 100,000 miles driven. How long is this trip? I think that your parents would be more comfortable with, say, you driving four hours to Arizona (if the friend’s relative’s place is that close) and just staying there.</p>

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<p>I can tell you my parents would never let me do anything like that- they were weary about my 19 yr old sister driving to florida.</p>

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<p>I second the car breaking down in the desert thing. I hope you enjoy 100+ degree weather.</p>

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<p>“Anyone with a credit card can rent a hotel room.”</p>

<p>Actually, this is not true. In most hotels/motels you need to be 21 years old. I know because I worked at a front desk of a hotel in high school. I would only check id for someone if it was obvious that they were not 21 years old. I know that some motel managers would be reluctant to let 17 year olds stay in a room. This still holds even if your parents make the reservation.</p>

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<p>You need to get a sensible 25-year-old your parents trust—an older sister or brother, cousin, whatever–to make this work. Otherwise, plan something simpler, shorter, and more sensible.</p>

<p>And it’s not true that any 17-year-old with a credit card can get a hotel room.</p>

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<p>Oh, to answer the question about MAJOR accidents … back in December I accidentally “hit” a car in bumper to bumper traffic. I was going less than 5mph when i hit here. it was only becuase I got distracted and for a split second took my foot off the break of my car. The only damage done was a minor scratch to the other cars rear bumper. Nothing MAJOR. as I said. I realize this demonstrates that I can become distracted, but I’ve learned from my lesson. I’m a very safe driver. I’ve never gotten any tickets. </p>

<p>Do you think I should alter my plan a little to make it shorter? possibly just to LA?</p>

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<p>sorry, I did forget to mention where I live. I live in CA, northern CA to be exact. It’s about an 8 hour drive from here to LA on highway 5</p>

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<p>spn2200 – when my daughter went to LA with her 2 friends, she booked a room at a local motel without a problem. I doubt anyone thought they were over 21, though they probably were all assumed to be over 18 (only one of their group was, the others were 16/17. They reserved the room via a phone-in booking system. Actually, legally I don’t think anyone could refuse to rent to someone 18 or older in our state, since 18 is the legal age for entering contracts.</p>

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<p>Calmom- you make a good point that even though the occupants may be below the age of 21 or 18, depending on where the hotel is located, not every hotel clerk enforces this rule.</p>

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<p>I thought that the general rule was 18 for a hotel, and a credit card is a crucial part of all that. Debit cards do not work!</p>

<p>Do you have AAA? Road maps? Places to stay along the way? An 8-hour drive is way too long for you guys… can you find relatives every 5 hours or so?</p>