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Well, yes they are, but not necessarily as bad as the situation you are in now. I recently jumped ship too after only six months with a boss from hell. It’s not the most exciting or best paying job I’ve very had but after what I went through, boredom suits me just fine.</p>
<p>I’m a big fan of boredom in the workplace myself. Except around 3:00 PM, when I start to lose steam. But boredom is much better than working with FABs and other poisonous people.</p>
<p>It may help to know that there is one person in the office even more miserable than you - FAB. There is no way she is a happy person. You are stronger, wiser and more mature. She is a pitiful wretch with no self esteem who can only feel better about herself by putting others down. You are giving her way too much power and way too much room in your head. Marginalize her in every way possible. Never offer up an explanation to her jabs. Never let her know that you even hear her bragging. I would document her racist/bigoted remarks but the other stuff should be irrelevant to you. Reacting to it or even caring about it is feeding her.</p>
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This is very true. Most employees leave because of the boss, not for money or more perks. I spend most of my time in creating a good environment for my staff. When they are happy, they are more productive and also make it easy for me to recruit best people. All you need is to have one toxic person and the whole work place is polluted.</p>
<p>I totally agree with oldfort: One toxic person can pollute the whole group. Same holds true in families, but that is a topic for another thread ;)</p>
<p>Our FAB is away on a long vacation now. It’s lovely here with her gone. Unfortunately, she has ingratiated herself with the boss (very ego stroking, flirty with him and it works!) so she is getting promotions, raises, etc. Frustrating. Once the fiscal year ends (we are in a year end bonus industry), there will be a lot of resume writing!</p>
<p>OP - I agree with those who encourage you to look for new opportunities. It’s not letting FAB win, it’s doing what is BEST for YOU.</p>
<p>Well, yes, there are people and situations that are not to your liking, or anyones, in any job, any place, at any time. But it comes down to the extent. There are some that are so out of the lines that you are not likely to find a simialr situation.</p>
<p>There are scenarios when I would move a child out of a classroom, school, area. Yes, some are just way out there. The big issue is knowing where your lines are drawn and it they are not giving enough area, then yes, you will run into like people and situations again. Then it becomes more YOUR problem in dealing with the way it is. But there are certainly people out there that are just over the top in terms of toxicity and I, for one, would not hesitate to get the heck out of there if I were put in the situation of having to deal with such a person for so many hours a day in close quarters. The chances that another such issue of that magnitude existing are small unless it’s bad luck or unless maybe, I’m being too sensitive.</p>
<p>But I do believe that the way things are, and really even in other economic climates and times, one should always keep an eye out for other job possibilities. </p>
<p>One time when a co worker was always staying late with the boss, it turned out that there were some extra curricular activities involved that made any complaining about said co worker a lost cause.</p>
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<p>…and you can certainly let your boss know EXACTLY why you felt the need to leave, either verbally or in your letter of resignation. That should give you some satisfaction on the way out.</p>
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My first job out of college was a living hell due to one of these people and I was too young and naive to know what to do about it or how to fight back. She was good at what she did and was popular with the public and our boss felt it was my place to suck it up and learn to deal. I was ready to leave after six weeks but stuck it out lest I be a “quitter” or “let her win.” She got another job and just as things were settling down a bit, we got a new boss and things went from bad to worse. He finally fired me and did me the biggest favor of my life. I’ve been a supervisor and I, too, stand up for marginalized employees. If I wanted to deal with junior high cheerleaders, I would have become a teacher /cheerleader sponsor.</p>
<p>I think my underlying assumption about the workplace is that we’re all adults and we’ll act like adults. Then when that doesn’t happen, I’m constantly amazed!</p>
<p>All I can say is that a good boss IS able to put the kibosh on such situations. A friend ran into such a person (or rather snake) at work, went to her boss (after fruitlessly trying to rectify the situation over a couple of months being on the verge of quitting) and he immediately had a department meeting which put a stop to the turmoil. The “snake” had complained to everybody and talked on the side about friend “going home early” and “not doing over-time”, “a slacker”. Obviously a good way to garner anger against someone. Life got unbearable. Boss let it be known that friend was the fastest, best employee in the department who turned out more work than any of them but was humble enough to hide it under her hat. She left early because she’d already done 25 percent more than they had on a daily basis–and he had the numbers to prove it. The “turmoiler” quit soon after (guess it wasn’t as fun anymore). Good note–now the department after a couple years is “the place to work” because everyone has fun and works as a team.
VeryHappy–“I’m constantly amazed!” That’s the problem for nice people. They expect others to be nice and they aren’t always. It’s easy to get blindsided by the games that get played. That is one major reason my friend had so much trouble at first–the inability to recognize a snake.</p>
<p>So far, so good this week. FAB recently closed a big sale and is so busy patting herself on the back she hasn’t had time to bother me.</p>
<p>“I’m constantly amazed” is how I feel, too. Can you imagine a 50-year-old woman literally going 6 months without speaking to a co-worker or anyone else they see every day? Just blows my mind.</p>
<p>“Can you imagine a 50-year-old woman literally going 6 months without speaking to a co-worker or anyone else they see every day? Just blows my mind.”</p>
<p>I think that is terribly sad. There is obviously something seriously mentally wrong with her to have such abnormal behavior.</p>
<p>I have found a way to deal with people I abhor, yet still have to work with, is to find something I like about them, something I admire. It can be really hard, but everyone…absolutely everyone, has some redeeming quality. May be very difficult in this woman’s situation! I have actively searched for things that I can admire about these people, and let them know sincerely what it is. This is definitely not sucking up, this is finding something about a person to make them tolerable.</p>
<p>Funny, I have done this with some abrasive, highly disliked people, and have actually come away liking them. There was one woman I really couldn’t stand, and had to work directly with her, depending upon each other, because nobody else wanted to. So I was stuck. She was very competitive, abrasive, obnoxious. I had to find a way. I stopped competing with her, and started helping her. I let her know when I liked something she had done, or some personal quality she had. She really softened up, and became someone that I truly enjoyed. </p>
<p>Another guy I worked with was well known for being very selfish. Wouldn’t do anything for anyone. I was stuck with him on a two week trip, God help me. So I started going overboard to help him, offering whatever I could to be generous. Food, do you want some coffee? Hey, I’m getting pizza, can I bring some for you? It took about a week to break him…and he became much nicer, far more generous, at least towards me. He told me that his brother had died when he was very young, and that his parents had completely spoiled him because of it, making him quite selfish. He was aware of it. There’s always a reason behind people’s anti-social behavior.</p>
<p>Yes, there is always a reason. And I totally know that everyone is dealing with something. I usually cut people slack because of that. What gets my goat is when they take it out on people who had nothing to do with the original problem. I guess I expect that everyone has gone through therapy and understands why they do what they do, so they can change what they do!!</p>
<p>Or just ‘smile and nod’ and go on with your work. Much of what she says (based on what you’ve posted here) does NOT require a verbal answer. Just smile and nod. You do not have to give her the satisfaction of a verbal response. She is used to how you’ve always responded up to now. If you begin to just smile and nod, it will throw her off.</p>
<p>When she makes these snide remarks, I pretend I don’t “get it” and reply to her based on what she said and not what I know she meant. I wish I could remember more examples. I haven’t given her the satisfaction of knowing she is accomplishing what she set out to do. Which may not be the best thing. When my son was 4 or 5, my parents were babysitting one evening in their home. When I went to pick him up, my mother commented that he was jumping on the furniture and was a wild man all evening. Before I scolded him, I asked her, “Did you tell him to stop and he didn’t mind you?” And she said no, I didn’t want to be a mean Granny. I told her that was her problem then and not totally his fault. Maybe FAB needs to be told to stop.</p>
<p>We will have a staff meeting tomorrow. If FAB lashes out at me again, I have already decided I am going to say something. As per my first post, last week she started complaining about me in the meeting like I wasn’t even there. I was dumbfounded. Tomorrow, I have thought in advance what I will say, and then I will get my stuff and go home “sick.” Not that she would care, but it might make the boss understand how strongly I feel about her crap. I’m never sick. I haven’t taken a sick day in nearly two years, and that wasn’t even a whole day. Yeah, that’ll show them. LOL</p>
<p>Don’t go home sick, just say what you have to say. Don’t raise your voice, try to say it as calmly as possible.</p>
<p>musicmom1215, in the moment, you might not find the right words. But that’s OK!!! Don’t worry if it’s not a dramatic TV-like comment. Say what you have to say. Your point will be made. You are at least as strong as she is.</p>
<p>Don’t go home.</p>
<p>Perhaps try by asking a question, e.g., Did I understand you correctly? Wait for her an explanation, then ask for more clarification.</p>
<p>Or, When you say <strong><em>, it makes me feel/think _</em></strong>_____. </p>
<p>I think the important aspect is to question why she is disparaging your work, not you. Don’t make it personal, stay professional.</p>
<p>Don’t go home. That would make you look unprofessional.</p>
<p>Is there absolutely anything that she could rant to you that would be true? If so, respond to that in a professional manner. If not, just politely say “well that’s not true” and move the conversation forward.</p>
<p>Sometimes you have to just let the behavior stand for itself. If you get into it with her, then the problem is both of you. The co-worker I mentioned earlier totally sabotaged herself for a long time because the behavior directed at her was actionable, but she would cry and carry on and do other stupid things that returned negative attention from the administration to her, rather than continuing to do her job, behaving professionally, and letting the behavior directed at her stand all by itself. When she finally did that, the behavior could no longer be ignored. Had she handled it differently from the beginning, she would have saved herself six months or more of absolute misery.</p>
<p>Another don’t go home. Say what you have to say–if you go home everyone can talk about the incident without you there to defend yourself.</p>