<p>Good luck today!</p>
<p>If FAB is actually slinging arrows at you in staff meetings, then your boss is very aware of the situation. If your boss has not yet raised the issue with you and has done nothing to diffuse the situation, then there is more here than meets the eye. My feeling is that it is time for a heart to heart with your boss. Hopefully, FAB will cue up that conversation with the boss by her behavior in today’s staff meeting.</p>
<p>When I was a new grad in my first teaching job, I observed a bully vice principal who seemed to scare everyone, including the teachers. I watched his behavior over a period of months, just amazed. Finally he crossed me and yelled at my students, who were doing absolutely nothing wrong. I was livid, and marched down to his office and told him off. </p>
<p>I guess he told the principal, because we all had a meeting about it. The only criticism the principal gave me was a choice of words I’d used (I think I had said something like “worked my butt off”). I apologized for my choice of words but added that I stood by the content and that I felt VP had really crossed a line and that actions could be as disrespectful and unprofessional as words.</p>
<p>I waited for the retaliation which never came. He was a nice as could be to me ever after. Genuinely nice.</p>
<p>Some bullies will back off when challenged. They want the easy target and will just look elsewhere if the target becomes a pain.</p>
<p>Sociopaths, however, will take a challenge to them as a fight to the end. They won’t be satisfied until you are not only driven out, but humiliated and ruined for life in the process. They don’t want you just hurt, they want all of your arms and legs broken and your fingernails pulled out as well. Scary.</p>
<p>The problem is figuring out what type of person you are actually dealing with.</p>
<p>Maybe too late, but definitely do not go home sick.</p>
<p>I’m eager to hear from musicmom1215 what happened in the meeting today.</p>
<p>Meeting postponed until this afternoon. Honestly, she can’t wait for the meeting so she can pat herself on the back some more. I doubt there will be any attention on me at all…unless I ask her if her arm hurts. :-D</p>
<p>“Another don’t go home. Say what you have to say–if you go home everyone can talk about the incident without you there to defend yourself.”</p>
<p>Totally agree. I think the discomfort you feel is based much upon not defending yourself as much as you’d like to. Feeling powerless in the face of bullies is a very bad feeling.</p>
<p>In my earlier post, I was only kidding about going home. It was tongue-in-cheek saying “that’ll show them” because I know it wouldn’t matter to them at all. </p>
<p>In all fairness to the boss, when FAB made her comments in the meeting last week, the boss was visibly angry and admonished her for bringing an issue like that up in an open meeting. The boss then sent me an email apologizing. I am pretty sure the boss had some private words for FAB since she has been nice since then.</p>
<p>^^^That’s a very good thing. Today’s meeting should be interesting. I bet she can’t help herself. Just remember your prepared words and you’ll be fine.</p>
<p>Stay strong musicmom, I know i’m eagerly waiting to hear how it all went.</p>
<p>Makes me want to go pull every employee in singularly with me to make sure they don’t feel bullied or marginalized! </p>
<p>As I say to hubby before every meeting… go get 'em tiger!!</p>
<p>Totally uneventful. But that’s good.</p>
<p>Maybe last week’s events taught her to play nice.</p>
<p>The other thread about the coworker reminded me about this situation. Any updates?</p>
<p>OP.
Just stop wasting your emotions on something that is completely out of your control. I do not even understandwhy to “hate”? I understand to “ignore”. At certain age we DO have more control over out emotions. Maybe you should try to control what you actually could? I would not advised it, but you have asked, and this is the only thing I know to do. I do not remember hating anybody. There is no point in it, just a waste of yourself that could have been used on something that helps you to enjoy your every day. There is no slef support or enjoyment in hating at all. It would make me very tired. Like I hate when I am in pain and it makes me feel so wasted, totally drained. Why to do it to yourself?</p>
<p>MiamiDAP, honestly, you rarely seem to have any emotions, positive or negative. You don’t seem to be a good person to advise on this… most of us would not want to be like that.</p>
<p>I think there’s a lot to be said for equanimity and “like water off a duck’s back” – probably because I let things get to me too much! 
I see value in what Miami is trying to get across here even if I think it’s easier said than done.</p>
<p>intparent,
"MiamiDAP, honestly, you rarely seem to have any emotions, positive or negative. You don’t seem to be a good person to advise on this… most of us would not want to be like that. "
-Thank you for focusing so much on my needs. But I am not the focus here, maybe you should have not wasted your post on me? Maybe you should spend your time on advising the OP? I have not asked anybody to be me, we should not be changing ourselves at all. Instead, we should focus on enjoying every minute of our lives. Feeling hate does not feel like enjoying. And it does not look like feeling hate berings any enjoyment into OP life. I understand that you might have a different opinion about it. Mine is based on the OP posts, I do not know anything else.</p>
<p>…Sorry, I believe that it is easier done than said as you can see what kind of response saying is getting. While doing it, pusuing your happiness and happiness of the ones around you is relly under your control…</p>
<p>OP here. I took your advice and have been on vacation all week. I did not go anywhere (except to an adjacent county for genealogical research), but have enjoyed staying up late and sleeping late in the mornings. Monday’s alarm clock will be a most unwelcome sound! It has been a restorative, calming week.</p>
<p>" we should not be changing ourselves at all. Instead, we should focus on enjoying every minute of our lives. Feeling hate does not feel like enjoying. And it does not look like feeling hate brings any enjoyment into OP life.</p>
<p>I think that observation has a great deal of value. That is definitely something to strive for.</p>