<p>Sikorsky’s got a point. Don’t want to write stuff that can’t be deleted later on. </p>
<p>/thread</p>
<p>I read your post from beginning to end, and I can’t find anything nice to say. You sound unbearably disdainful of your parents, and way more sure of yourself than your limited life experience can possibly justify. </p>
<p>Be sure to log out of College Confidential every time you visit. It would be calamitous if your parents read what you’ve posted.</p>
<p>Disastrous!</p>
<p>Good call, I think, waitlistftl.</p>
<p>Now, I’ll try to express some sympathy. A lot of college-bound teens and parents go through something like this. I know it’s frustrating as all get out. But keep a few things in mind. </p>
<p>One, your parents have known you since before you could wipe your own backside, and they’ve had to do a lot of things for you for most of that time. They’ve become accustomed to doing for you, and then to coming along after to check up on you. I’m sure your parents want you to become competent in all kinds of ways–good parents do–but it’s hard for them to feel sure that you’ve made it there, because…</p>
<p>Two, they do have a lot more life experience than you. They have experienced bumps in the road that you can’t even see yet. They also worry about your ability to take care of yourself because…</p>
<p>Three, lots of eighteen-year-olds are–well, College Confidential won’t let me use the vulgar term I’d like to use, so let’s say they are prone to bad decision-making and lapses in judgment. I mean, really, how many “OH MY GOD, will I be rescinded?” threads have you seen on College Confidential in the last 3 weeks? And, honestly, being un-accepted from a fancy college is far from the worst way that 18-year-olds mess up. I will never forget an end-of-the-year faculty party that broke up suddenly when the Headmaster dashed out of his own house to the scene of an auto accident. One of the girls who had graduated that morning, a three-sport athlete and a great student, who was headed off to play lacrosse at a Public Ivy, rolled her mom’s SUV and broke her neck. Yes, she had been drinking. Twenty-one years later, that woman is still in a wheelchair. That is the kind of stuff we worry about, and if bugging the crap out of you keeps you safe and keeps you on the right track, we don’t mind doing it.</p>
<p>Finally, where your sibling is concerned, I’m sure it’s hard not to keep score, but keeping score the way you seem to have been doing isn’t going to make the situation better, and it isn’t going to make you any happier, either. It’s kind of a corollary to, or maybe a specific instance of, a principle I keep trying to teach both myself and my kids: every time I try to count other people’s money, I end up unhappier for the effort.</p>
<p>The good news is, it’s already half-past May. In three months, it’ll be August. Best wishes for the fall–and for getting through the summer.</p>
<p>To be fair, I’d like to add that I think it’s entirely possible that your parents really are being nit-picky and over-controlling. They may really be treating you in a way that borders on infantilizing. But what’s much harder to see from an eighteen-year-old’s perspective than from a parent’s is that it’s just about impossible to know where to draw the line. It’s just about impossible to know when your teen is going to be the stand-up guy you’ve tried to raise him to be, and when he’s going to suffer a disastrous lapse in judgment. So, we get it wrong a lot of the time, and most of us prefer to err on the side that doesn’t end in disaster.</p>
<p>EXCELLENT points, Sikorsky. My 17-year-old will say, “Quit treating me like a child!” then ask if I can bring his long pants to school so he can go to work afterwards, or ask why I won’t return his tux (an hour-long round trip) on Mother’s Day, or forget to take his meds almost every day, etc. It would be funny if it weren’t so infuriating.</p>
<p>Good one MaineLonghorn! ^^^^^</p>
<p>Yesterday I was going to run out to the driveway and remind H not to forget something. S2 just back from his freshman year said “Mom if you keep reminding Dad about stuff, he will never learn his lesson.” 
I looked at S2 and thought to myself “who is this child?”</p>
<p>S1 on the other hand…</p>
<p>Am I the only one who found this a strange thread?</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>where is the post?</p>
<p>@herandis–I was thinking the same thing!</p>
<p>Post #1 was originally a long statement about how frustrating and inappropriate the original poster finds his (or her) parents’ nagging.</p>
<p>Within 20 minutes of first posting it, while you can still edit your own posts, he (or she) reconsidered, and replaced the original post with what you now see in post #1.</p>
<p>The OP obviously wrote a post about their parents that was very unflattering. It probably went over the line of what should be shared on a public forum. The first responder kindly let the OP know they should delete the post as their patents would be devastated if they ever read it. The OP must have been within the edit time frame and deleted their original text telling the responder they were right.</p>
<p>OP.</p>
<p>I am a parent and sometimes I have been guilty of helicoptering at times. Something I told my children is that they should remember that the helicoptering comes from love…from the parent’s desire for everything to be perfect for their child.</p>
<p>I’ve also told them that parents aren’t any more perfect than children. All of us make mistakes an misjudgments. Unfortunately, it’s hindsight that reveals the errors. Each parenting situation that arises is unique…we parents haven’t had a lot of practice with each individual child in each and every situation.</p>
<p>The best way to show your parents that helicoptering is not needed is to get out in front of the issue…actively demonstrate that the helicoptering is not needed. Try to anticipate your parents’ concern ahead of time and deal with the issues before your parents get there. Demonstrate your maturity in concrete ways. </p>
<p>For example, be organized so that you don’t always have to have your parents finding/bringing you your stuff. Fill out paperwork promptly and accurately when you receive it, submit it properly, and keep track of it. Make your own appointments as necessary, and keep them. Keep your parents informed and in the loop, as necessary, so you can address their concerns before they have a chance to nag. </p>
<p>Try to recognize that some things you think of as 'parental control" are really no more than courtesies adults extend to one another and behave accordingly. For example, if my husband is not coming home from work at the usual time, he calls. If my plans change, I call and let him know. </p>
<p>If you are doing your laundry, ask your parents if they want to throw a few things in your load. Do a load of towels without being asked, and fold them and put them away. Bring home some groceries/dry cleaning without being asked. Empty the dishwasher and take out the trash…without being asked.</p>
<p>When you consistently act as an adult, over time your relationship with your parents will transition to a more adult level.</p>
<p>I think boysx3 gave some excellent examples. I heard my kid saying “treat me like an adult” a million times. I know I said it a million times as a youth.
Another thing I told my S was that I had the advantage of seeing the perspective of a child, an adolescent, a young, self-supporting adult and then as a not-so-young parent. He did not yet have all those perspectives. He only had how he thought adults and parents should be. An example I gave him was that I wasn’t coming in at 3. a.m., after drinking the night away with strippers. Why not? I’m an adult, I’m certainly over 21. Because, I explained to him , merely being over 21 doesn’t automatically give me the ok to do anything I want to do. Respect and needs for other family members comes into play, as can a job or school.</p>
<p>“treat me like an adult” just doesn’t fly when the parents are still providing room, board, some clothes and maybe education costs too.</p>
<p>Good points here.</p>
<p>I remember many years ago, reading the now-defunct “Dear Abby” column. The problem was posed by a high school teenager, and it went something like this:</p>
<p>Dear Abby: How can I get my parents off my back? They nag me all the time. All I ever hear from them is “Quit Drinking! Quit smoking! Study hard! Get to class on time! Clean up your room! Do your homework!” It’s really getting on my nerves. Signed, High School Teenager.</p>
<p>And you can guess Abby’s response…</p>
<p>Dear High School Teenager: Quit drinking, quit smoking, study hard, get to class on time, clean up your room, and do your homework.</p>
<p>“Dear Abby” isn’t defunct - Abby’s daughter, Pauline Phillips, writes it now.</p>
<p>*Dear Abby: How can I get my parents off my back? They nag me all the time. All I ever hear from them is “Quit Drinking! Quit smoking! Study hard! Get to class on time! Clean up your room! Do your homework!” It’s really getting on my nerves. Signed, High School Teenager.</p>
<p>And you can guess Abby’s response…</p>
<p>Dear High School Teenager: Quit drinking, quit smoking, study hard, get to class on time, clean up your room, and do your homework.*</p>
<p>lol…kids don’t realize how much power they have. If they do what’s expected, their parents will stop nagging them. People create their own nags by screwing around.</p>
<p>The same advice goes to the kids who say, “my parents think I’m too immature to go away to school.” The answer: Do your homework, do your chores without being told, do extra chores without being told, clean up after yourself, and know where your things are.</p>