How to deal with not having a niche in college

College Life
1

Hey guys, sorry in advance for the essay, I guess I just have a lot to say. I am currently a second semester sophomore at the University of Pennsylvania. I’ll cut to the chase by saying that I’m not really happy with the way things are going right now. I am not from a wealthy family. I was raised in Northeast Philadelphia, and you could say that my family falls somewhere in the mid to upper middle class. That being said, I knew that going to an Ivy League school would put me in a place with a lot of people from different backgrounds, but I figured that the large number of students here would make it so that I could find people like me. I’m not saying that those people don’t exist at Penn, however the way that things worked out for me, I haven’t really found a niche. I was an engineer the first year, so that took away a lot of my time from socializing and branching out (I also didn’t really find many people like me in my engineering classes, most were way too competitive for my taste). To top that off, I found that a lot of the people on my hall were either international or kind of elitist, so I wasn’t able to make close friends that way. I ended up befriending a diverse group of people, two guys from Greece and a few other people from South America. While I still consider those people friends, I feel that a large reason we became friends was out of desperation to make friends freshman year and a shared interest in partying and getting drunk, which doesn’t really lay the foundation for a sold friendship. Now I feel lost and kind of lonely, and I won’t lie that I’ve gone through bouts with mild depression over the last year.

Sadly, it gets worse. At the same time all of this is happening, I actually decided to drop Mechanical Engineering since I just didn’t see myself wanting that career or wanting to push myself through such a tough curriculum. I am still searching for something to major in…I’m leaning toward Economics, not because I’m actually interested in it, but because I wouldn’t have to take many classes, it’s a versatile major, and I need to pick one NOW. Any other major would risk me having to go extra time (more than four years). I feel like I might have an interest in business, but my GPA is too low to transfer to Wharton, and I honestly don’t like the Wharton culture at all (too cutthroat and money driven). Also, because at the beginning of this year I still didn’t really have a comfortable social life, I tried really hard to get involved with Greek Life, which is a pretty big deal here at Penn. I had been thinking I wanted to join a fraternity since I came to Penn because I heard how important it is here and how drastically it improves social opportunities, not to mention networking and all of the other perks. I rushed in the spring of freshman year but ended up not going through with it because engineering had left me with a 2.5 GPA and I really needed to focus on bringing it up (which I did, to a 2.85, right around where it is now). I started toward the end of last semester and during open rush this semester, I went out trying to find a fraternity I could join. Much to my dismay, fraternities are much more exclusive toward sophomores than I had thought. There were only a few fraternities I found where I liked the guys and money didn’t seem to be such a huge deal (like it is at SO many fraternities here and at Penn in general), but I ended up without a bid.

Then something interesting happened: since so many kids ended up without bids (something like 200) the University asked fraternities to reopen their rushing period (aka extended rush) and I got a few emails from some fraternities I hadn’t checked out yet (you can imagine that these frats were the unpopular ones that were struggling for numbers). I agreed to meet the brothers of one fraternity, and I found that I liked most of the guys (grant it this is rushing and everyone is putting their best forward). After only three hours of rushing (I hadn’t even met my pledge class), I was offered a bid. Desperate times call for desperate measures, so I accepted. Now after a few weeks of pledging, I really feel unsure about it. I feel like I don’t fit in much and it poses a financial burden. I also really need to raise my GPA, since it’s currently at a 2.85 and I can’t do much with that unless I major in STEM (any such major would be extremely difficult for me to even explore yet alone finish on time at this point). Therefore, pledging isn’t something I can easily handle right now. Still, the idea of pushing through the next two years with the social outlook I’ve had so far seems extremely difficult if not impossible. Making due without being in Greek life isn’t impossible (though harder than a lot of other schools), but I haven’t been able to make any lasting friends via the club route. There’s always potential with clubs, but time is running out and I’ve found that most people at this point aren’t trying to make new friends in clubs (they already have solid friend groups, are in fraternities, etc.).

So here I am…I’m almost done my sophomore year (two months left) and I am without a happy social life, without a major that I actually enjoy, and with a pretty bad GPA. Though I’ve fallen victim to the obsession with self image and trying to impress people that so many Penn kids have, I have recently found that I really don’t like trying to be something I’m not. I’m also kind of tired of how competitive most people seem to be. I’m considering transferring to a place where I can more easily find down to earth kids like me (though my current GPA will make it difficult to transfer anywhere reputable). The most likely option is Penn State, since I know some kids there and they get a lot of transfers every year, plus they are bound to have a major that interests me. I honestly feel that if I weren’t at an Ivy I probably would have transferred a year ago. Another option is to take a gap semester/year to try and explore and figure out what I want to do academically, but I still won’t have a better social outlook when I eventually return. I am really unsure about what I will end up doing over the next several months. For now, I am going to focus on doing well academically and finishing the semester as well as I can (I have a lot of catching up to do because of time wasted on fraternity business), however I need to make a decision about the fraternity now unfortunately. If you’ve read up to this point, I admire your dedication. Any advice about what I should do in the short term or in the long term is much appreciated…thank you in advance.

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Have you talked to your parents or siblings? They honestly know you better than anyone of us. You need to decide if you need to change universities, change majors and stay in a fraternity. Those are big decisions that no one can make for you but they can invest the hours you need to spend talking and thinking this over. They will also be better than us at calling you out when your facts are not quite right. You will also need to get information such as transfer deadlines, GPA requirements, etc.

3

I have spoken to my parents and siblings, and they have given me useful advice. I guess I was just using this forum as a way to gather even more input from people who might know more about surviving college life and what my options might be. My family is behind me in whatever decision I make, whether it be to stay, transfer, take some time off, etc. They say that my mental health and happiness is a priority, so that should be the biggest factor in my decision. I spoke with my older brothers recently and they said I should consider dropping the fraternity if it doesn’t feel right and focusing on my studies these last two months, while at the same time using whatever spare time I have to figure out what interests me academically and try out any clubs based on my interests in order to meet people. So far I just haven’t had the time to explore that many clubs, but maybe if I drop the fraternity I will get the time I need. I just wish that Greek Life wasn’t so big here and that it was easier to build strong friendships through clubs.

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Hi @phillyboy01‌
I’m glad to hear your family is so supportive of you; very often students find that their problems are compounded because of hostility or apathy on the part of their family - so it’s really good that you have a support network behind you.

With that said, I think that perhaps your best option would be to take some time off - maybe use a gap semester to gain some real world experience (whatever that may be - a job, volunteering, travel, etc) and sort of calibrate your perspective to “relearn” why it is you’re in college and what your goals are. I don’t think you should transfer, your current GPA will limit your options and I don’t think you should forego the opportunities at UPenn for the sort of school you’d be admitted to with a 2.85. Returning to UPenn might not mean a magically better social environment, but a more positive outlook will certainly change your attitude regarding your lot as a whole and will most likely make you happier.

Best of luck. :slight_smile:

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Hi @preamble1776‌

Thanks for the solid advice. I am strongly considering taking a gap semester in the fall (though I’m still putting in some transfer applications for fall admission). My biggest fear is that the gap semester won’t be as productive as I need it to be. I really need to find a good internship/program that will answer a lot of my questions. Would you have any recommendations on how to use a gap semester for someone like me who has hardly any clue what they want to do or what might interest them? At this point I can only speculate on what I want to do…something that helps people, involves working with people, involves problem solving (big picture and/or more quantitative), and that pays decently. I’d also rather not work in a cubicle/desk all day, but I’d like to be moving around and take on a number of tasks (something unlike most engineering jobs which focus on one problem at a time). These are all abstract concepts that apply to a lot of fields so I can’t really narrow down much unless I actually get my feet dirty, which considering the breadth of possible jobs could take a while. Are there any gap semester ideas you have for someone in this situation?

Thanks for your help, I appreciate it. If it means anything, I will hopefully pull my GPA up to a 3 or above by the end of this semester and Penn State University Park has a 2.5 minimum GPA requirement.

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This may sound a little goofy but did you ever take one of those career guidance surveys? They usually give them in high schools. Have you tried one of those again? It might give you some ideas on careers, possible majors and gap year ideas.

U Penn is only 25 percent Greek. Outside of a commuter school, I don’t think you’ll find many schools at less than that.

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@gettingschooled

Greek life is small at MANY universities, some don’t even have it. My school has less than 5% and is in the US News Top 50. I could think of five more from my area that would fall in the same category. Also, Penn is actually 31% greek as of 2013. That’s just outside of the Top 50 in student % in frats… Not sure how relevant that is to the thread but thought it could be useful info.

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I was quoting US News which says more than 25%, so you are probably right. I looked for stats on Penn State a University Park and it appears to be right about 25 percent as well.

My point is leaving UPenn because it is too Greek is probably not going to be improved by going to Penn State. That is not the only reason OP is leaving, but uncertainty about major won’t be resolved by changing schools either and length of time to graduate will be worse with transferring- although considerably cheaper, so maybe that is a benefit of transferring. But socially, just as many juniors at Penn State will have settled into a group of friends as at UPenn. The same things you would need to do to make friends at UPenn would need to be done at Penn State. Find non-Greek upperclassmen and make friends with them.

When I hear a school is too Greek, I look it up. If 30 percent are Greek, 70 percent are NOT. What can you do to find those 70 percent? They should not be hard to find.

It may be that OP thinks he could handle Greek life with a non-Ivy curriculum at Penn State. I don’t know him so I don’t know.

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Good advice.
Also, have you tried the university counselling office? That’s one of the things they are there for.

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@gettingschooled‌ I have taken those career surveys before, but admittedly I haven’t done it recently. That’s a great idea, I will definitely try some out. I wouldn’t just be leaving UPenn because it is too Greek. In fact, I have no problem with the Greek System, more or less just the fact that I’m not in it at a school where it’s prevalent. I know that going to Penn State would be no quick fix, but if it means anything, they have a lot of incoming junior transfers from satellite campuses, so I feel like meeting people in the same position wouldn’t be that difficult. Junior year rushing/pledging also isn’t unheard of there (unlike at UPenn for the most part), so that’s always an option. Honestly, I’ve decided that the only reason I would drop the fraternity I’m pledging now is to save my grades this semester. It’s a pretty tough call to make considering if I do drop I’ll be back to square one.

@scholarme‌ I have, but not extensively. I will probably make use of school counseling as well.