My son is a pledge at KU Lawrence
He is having a very difficult time and is wanting to drop out of the fraternity.
Any advice on what to tell him?
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If he wants to drop out, he should.
My son did. It was academic and men/women but heavy partying. It wasn’t for him.
He let them know, it just didn’t fit with him. He thanked them for allowing him to join and moved on. There was nerves, seeing people at first, but it was fine. He said no one ever said anything about it when they saw him.
In the end, if it’s not right for him and he knows it’s not right, well he’s a consumer - so why would he spend your hard earned money and feel this pressure.
There might be initial oh crap - but it’ll dissipate soon enough. They have plenty of other pledges to torment 
I think it’s good he has awareness. I’m assuming he’s worried about the aftermath - but I doubt there will be one. If there is, that’s not his problem.
Good luck to him.
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Tell him to trust his gut. If something feels off, it probably is.
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Difficult time with what - academics, finances, people? Dropping out shouldn’t be a problem. He should find out if he is eligible to receive a full or partially prorated refund of local or national dues.
KU students divided on the value of greek life experience (3/6/2025)
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One thing I tell my kid is that if we spend a lot of time and energy on people or situations that are not great fits for us, we have erased all that time and energy from spending it with people and situations that do feel right for us.
All the time he spends with the people in the fraternity is time taken away from him meeting and spending time with other people that he may feel more aligned with. The time spent at the fraternity takes his time away from doing other things that he may want to explore.
If your son stays it’s a choice - and there’s no right or wrong! But staying removes his time and energy away from finding the people, and activities, and situations that do feel right for him. Does he really want to continue to give away his time and opportunities to the fraternity if he’s not enjoying it?
What I’m hearing is that he tried it out, and decided it wasn’t for him - I think that’s great. Why? Because he tried something new, and he’s figuring out what is and what isn’t right for him, and he is willing to listen to himself about what he wants, rather than going along with the crowd around him. Good for him.
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There is no downside to dropping out, and great many to staying. I don’t think he needs a reason to stop any more than he would to drop out of any other thing. Trust him and his judgement; in retrospect I wish I had heard my college kids more, and done that.
Said as a person who was hotly courted by a sorority, pledged, activated, and then quit.
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I was involved in greek life both as a member and later as an advisor. It is not uncommon for people to drop out during pledging, nor is it uncommon for people to drop out after becoming full members. In my experience, this is a personal decision made for many different reasons, and it should be respected by the group. Just let him know that in life, we don’t always know what a decision entails beforehand … if we decide it’s not for us, it is okay to make a change.
TBH, I have always been opposed to the common belief that kids must finish what they started. It leads to young adults feeling that they can’t leave a situation that they have committed to … like a fraternity. If your S expresses a sentiment like that, assure him that he’s not quitting. He’s choosing to do something else with his time and energy.
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I dropped out – deactivated was the term – of my sorority. I thought the rituals were stupid, I thought the pranks were stupid, there was huge discrimination against girls who didn’t fit the “profile,” and I didn’t particularly like the girls.
My life went on. I’m very proud of the fact that even at that tender age, I knew it wasn’t right for me.
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Nothing wrong with fropping, but I would have a conversation with the president or similar first.
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Clearly if you are asking, you think there are some negatives to dropping out. What are your concerns about dropping out?
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