How to describe physical/emotional abuse in college admissions w/out triggering mandated reporting?

Applying to College
1

Since birth, I’ve had a verbally/emotionally abusive dad who would occassionaly stray into physical abuse (throwing things, etc.) and it affected my grades to a large extent. (along the lines of 3.7uw, 3.88 w if you really want to know; I also go to a public California high school, so we didn’t have as much access to AP classes and we have a nearly 3000 student body, w/ a 300+ student to counselor ratio). For reference, I’m currently a junior. On my first time ever taking the SAT, I got a 770 reading, about 600 math (can bring it up with studying) to compensate for my grades.

To address my mental health issues, in sophomore year, I created/co-founded a 501c3 nonprofit for students in our district (15,000 students) to have access to curricula that will allow them to express their mental health through art in school environments. (Because obviously, if we talk to adults about it, we’ll trigger mandated reporting and hospital visits, as was the case for me in elem. school)

We have workshops, etc. coming up, and we’re partnered with our school district + our local library and have gotten thousands in grants. I genuinely care about my NGO and it wasn’t some college admissions ploy.

Because of my father, I’ve struggled with anxiety, depression, and possible BPD (no diagnosis till 18), and I got that out by pouring my heart into my NGO and the other nonprofit I work for, which is a spoken word nonprofit (a big part of the reason I started my own NGO).

As someone else said regarding abuse in this forum, I don’t want admissions officers to think I’m pleading for attention or making excuses, but I know my grades are heavily correlated to the environment I was raised in.

How should I approach it in my Additional Information section? As I said in my title, I need to do it without triggering mandated reporting.

One of my recommenders (my English teacher who has been a part of my work with the spoken word org. since freshman year) is aware of the situation (she’s aware if she knows more, it’ll trigger her mandated reporting), and I’ll ask her to write about it, as well as my grandma’s death in jr year (yeah I’m having a rough time).

However, my guidance counselor is retiring this year, and I have no idea how I’m going to foster a good relationship for that counselor LOR, nor find a way to slip in that “hey bestie! so i also have a dad who fights w me <3” within less than 6 months. I might request for a counselor change, since I also have started fostering a relationship with another counselor at my school, but those are notoriously impossible in my school district.

Any advice?

2

Your CSUs are a good option, hopefully affordable for you. If you are over 18, it is not child abuse. The reporting would likely just be resources for you, as an adult, to consider regarding domestic violence. Etc. These resources might be very helpful to you and you should consider them rather than trying to hide the issue.

1 Like
3

Ask the guidance counselor to write a recommendation for you now to put on file. Your new guidance counselor can build upon it.

8 Likes
4

Hi roycroftmom, thank you for the response. I’d prefer not to go to the CSUs because I’d like to leave California/Los Angeles area ASAP to leave my dad. As a junior, I just turned 17. Once I turn 18, I’ll definitely consider it. As of now though, because I’m a minor still, it’ll likely get reported to CPS. I’ve already had police visit my house in middle school and it was a very unhelpful experience for me, but in terms of resources for help, I’ll consider reaching out. Thank you again!

5

That’s really smart!! Thank you, anonuser1234. :pray:

1 Like
6

Why do you have to address the abuse at all? Is the point to justify having a 3.7 GPA? I don’t think you have to share the abuse to explain your non profit.

If you report abuse in your app, some AOs will have to report it/send it to their school police dept for investigation.

Separately, I understand wanting to leave California, but what will your budget be for college? You do need to understand if your parents are contributing to college costs and if so, how much.

5 Likes
7

Could just say something non-specific along the lines of ‘due to my own personal experience I founded this non-profit’. No need to name names if you don’t want to. Then talk more about the organization and all the ways it helps students.

Congrats on all your achievements under such trying circumstances.

2 Likes
8

UCs, CSUs, and lots of other colleges do not use recommendations.

But your difficulty may be in paying for college, if you need to depend on the abusive parent for college money or cooperation on financial aid paperwork. You should be able to get into a CSU well away from Los Angeles, but paying for it when you are considered dependent on your parents for financial aid purposes is the hard part if they are unwilling.

Dependency status for FAFSA is described at Federal Student Aid

3 Likes
9

Hi @Mwfan1921,

Is the point to justify having a 3.7 GPA?

Yes, it’s to justify having a 3.7 GPA. The abuse got worse because my dad’s mom died. I got 2 C’s and 1 B, and I’m only taking 2 AP classes. I realize that isn’t horrendously low, but another thing about my father is that he won’t let me leave unless I get into a top school. Frankly, he’s an Asian immigrant dad who doesn’t recognize names unless they’re big. He has told me on many occassions that “if you don’t get into an Ivy, why should I let you leave?”

My parents are still contributing to finances, but even if my dad doesn’t, there’s the FAFSA dependency override. (Thank you also to UCBAlumnus for mentioning this)

Thank you for the advice, @Sweetgum ! I may decide to do that. Based on what I’ve heard thus far, perhaps I’ll add a single nondescript line about the abuse and use the rest of the essay on what I did to overcome it. I didn’t intend on “traumadumping” either way, but I was curious about how to include it on my Ad. Info. Regardless, this is very helpful and thank you for the congrats. It means a lot to me.

1 Like
10

(deleted since I synthesized reply into 1 to simplify reading for others)

11

I do want to say that I’m sorry you have experienced this abuse.

I would encourage you to not report abuse in your essays or addt’l info, but yes, say something vague as sweetgum suggests. If you must include it, then you have to accept the potential consequences.

I have no idea what your course rigor is like, or your approximate class rank, but getting into a highly rejective school will be difficult. Getting declared an independent student even more difficult…what would be the reason you need a dependency override from your mom?

3 Likes
12

I don’t have any advice, but I’m really sorry you have to go through ■■■■ like this. No one deserves it.

13

OP- you sound like a smart and resilient kid and I’m sure you’re going to do great things!

I wouldn’t mention the personal connection AT ALL. Not because of the CPS stuff-- but because it makes for a much stronger essay on “why I do what I do” which is to help other people. You don’t need to make everything connect back to your own personal life; it will be a moving and impactful essay on its own.

That’s a low risk way to deal with it, and I think will make for a stronger application. There are thousands of people who work in the addiction field who are not recovering addicts; there are thousands of people who work with patients with eating disorders who have no personal connection at all.

You have strong stats and do not need to explain ANYTHING at all. good luck!

14

You don’t. You don’t mention it at all. You plan for a college that you can get into, that has the course of study that you want, that you can afford. If it requires essays, you write about your hopes and dreams, your career aspirations. Obviously, you want to live at college, and never go home again.

IF (and that’s a big if) you want the colleges to know anything about your unhappy home life, it should come from the counselor in the form of a “Jenny has been an enthusiastic and hard-working student, praise praise praise, so much so that it is hard to tell that she has come from a difficult and unhappy home environment, with an abusive parent, and despite that has achieved so much.”

You definitely do NOT want to convey anything in your essay akin to your post above.

It’s not that you’ll trigger mandated reporting. Frankly, unless there has been physical abuse (and a parent throwing things is not considered physical abuse - it’s only considered physical abuse if they’re throwing things at you that HIT you and cause physical harm), DCF would not open an investigation. I’m not saying that the situation you’ve grown up in isn’t horrible and abusive - clearly it is. I’m just saying that it’s not going to trigger a report.

But it won’t help you to get accepted to college. Colleges are already overwhelmed with students with emotional and mental health problems. Student health counseling services are overwhelmed on every campus. Colleges are not eager to take students whom they know are likely to need counseling services, or psychiatric support.

So you talk about your ECs (which sound wonderful) in art therapy for children and students. Maybe you talk about wanting to become an art therapist, or a child psychologist, or a psychiatric social worker, or a lawyer in family law. But you don’t make the connection to your own experience of being raised in an abusive household.

5 Likes
15

Please spend most of your time figuring out what school you can afford. It is overwhelmingly unlikely you will get into an Ivy ( it is for everyone) and dependency overrides are quite hard to get. What is your Plan B? Can you attend community college and live cheaply somewhere? Join the military? I dont think you will qualify for a full ride at many places, but you can investigate.

4 Likes
16

That’s not a bad GPA and that’s excuse making. Truth is, you have no idea why you got the grades you did. When you say, it’s because of such and such, that’s excuse making, a bad look.

I truly feel for you. I can’t imagine what you’ve gone through - and I am very sympathetic to that.

But using it like you want to is not the right way to go.

I do agree that your start up is great - and you can build on the positives of creating that - the leadership, the empathy you show, etc.

Best of luck to you on your future.

17

I would not get into the home situation in the additional information section at all, as others have said, or anywhere else in the application. I would not talk to a teacher or guidance counselor about it either.

If your father will only pay for an Ivy or similar school, you may have to go in-state. But living away from home would be a priority. You could work and go part-time. I know it is a hard road but many things are possible for you.

Do you have access to a therapist? The same issue of running into mandated reporting applies there but I would hope you have some kind of mental health support.

3 Likes
18

You can leave after high school, whether your parent lets you or not. If you can possibly get a part time job and earn and save money, you should. There is always the CLEP (modernstates.org) and community college route with transfer to a UC or CSU, while working part time and living in a communal apartment in a less-expensive part of the state.

Stay out of the house. Stay out of his way. Do the best you can. Hope that he’ll help you with college, and if he won’t, know that you still have options.

1 Like
19

As suggested, let your current counsler do the heavy lifting to explain your situation. Use the extra area on the common app and essay to reflect something more uplifting/positive /achievement about yourself. At the end of the day even with trauma in your life, they want to know that as a student your going to be ok and successful on their campus.

1 Like
20

As long as you’re out of the home/abusive situation (and no minors still at home), I don’t think mandated reporting will be an issue with therapists. I believe it’s only if there’s a risk a child is in danger of harm. Suggest going regardless and asking them straight up what the rules are, but agree hope you access a therapist.