How to get CPS to intervene?

Parent Cafe
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<p>I’m going to start this off by saying I don’t have any direct involvement in this situation. However, it’s been ongoing for over a year and I’m hoping to be able to give my friend some advice. I’m going to use false names for the sake of clarity.</p>

<p>My best friend, Katie, used to be friends with this couple, Cassie and Billy, who were also acquaintances of mine during high school. Cassie got pregnant so her and Billy got married right out of high school. They had a lot of problems and quickly separated.</p>

<p>Billy has joined the military (National Guard) and has his life together, but Cassie is an absolute disaster and there have been concerns about her parenting since day one. Her apartment is absolutely disgusting, and there have been concerns that she is otherwise neglectful or abusive to their daughter, Jane. Jane is apparently very sweet but is absolutely a nightmare when it comes time to go back with her mother, who has primary custody. Katie has been worried about Jane basically since birth, but was even more disconcerted when she was spending time with Jane playing dolls. Apparently Jane was being extremely violent toward the mommy doll, trying to feed her to Billy’s dog, stabbing her with a fork, and throwing her from the balcony of the dollhouse. Jane is two years old. On the other hand, she was very protective of the daddy and baby dolls. </p>

<p>Aside from that, when Billy gets her she is dirty, hungry, and has flea bites. They have called CPS probably a half dozen times, and every time they give Cassie a day or two warning and she enlists the help of her entire family to get the apartment spotless in time. Billy is only able to get her during the weekends and when he can get a hold of Cassie for visitations. Everybody is really nervous for Jane but since CPS always gives warning, they never see the absolute filth that she is living in when she is not with her father. </p>

<p>Billy wants to get at least primary custody because it is terrifying to see how neglected this girl is. I know there are two sides to every story but I know that the mother lies every other sentence from years of acquaintance, and she has also been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. </p>

<p>Is there anything that Katie can do to help get CPS more involved, or to make an unannounced visit? Based on the conditions that have been described to me, if CPS saw the apartment in its normal state she would be seized immediately. Apparently there are fleas and animal refuse everywhere.</p>

<p>Thanks.</p>

2

<p>Billy should contact a lawyer. The lawyer should be able to either tell him how to get an unannounced visit or get CPS to do it.</p>

<p>Additionally, Billy should take pictures of Jane every time she visits, and if possible videotape the play sessions and Jane’s fits.</p>

<p>And then forget CPS - sue for full custody.</p>

<p>Another issue - why have teachers never reported Cassie? Billy should check with the school to see what’s going on.</p>

<p>But to answer your specific question:

The answer is no. Katie has no standing other than to call.</p>

3

<p>Photos of the flea bites and apartment in chaos might help. Affidavits from as many witnesses as possible as to what is really going on and who are willing to alienate the mom if necessary. If Dad can get to court somehow, he might be able to convince a judge to appoint a CASA (usually a volunteer Court Appointed Special Advocate) for Jane. They have a lot of power to make recommendations to the court.<br>
What is he going to do with Jane when he is working? He needs to get a clear plan before seeking primary custody. If the mom doesn’t actually want to raise the toddler, has anyone tried asking her straight out if she can do more shared custody and slowly ease her primary home over to dad?
Cross-posted with Chedva, very good advice!</p>

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<p>Even though complaints have already been filed…continue to do so. This adds to the record for this child. Can Billy enlist the help of a pediatrician?</p>

<p>Reports to CPS in all states are supposed to be confidential. Anyone can file a complaint which should at least get a preliminary contact from CPS. There are also mandated reporters including all medical personnel and all education personnel. They are required to file reports if they even SUSPECT there are issues. It is up to CPS to investigate and document the proof, not the person filing the complaint.</p>

<p>OP…you could file a complaint, the grandmother could file a complaint…ANYONE can file a complaint on behalf of this child. </p>

<p>In my opinion the important thing is NOT to delay any longer.</p>

5

<p>Thanks to you both!</p>

<p>She’s only two so she doesn’t have any teachers involved. Which is also why this targeted aggressive play seems especially weird. Billy is planning to attempt to sue for custody, but had to finish basic training first.</p>

<p>I will encourage my friend to advise Billy to photograph and document everything. As for Billy’s situation, he has a live-in girlfriend who is also pregnant. I’m honestly not a huge fan of her but aside from being kind of immature she’s stable and they keep their house very nice. </p>

<p>As for Cassie, she is among that peculiar breed who want to be parents but are not willing or able to take proper care of them. She is pregnant again via her new boyfriend who by all accounts is nuts. She refers to him as Jane’s “daddy.” As far as child care, Jane usually winds up with either of her grandmothers when not with her parents. Katie has also heard that Cassie and her boyfriend will lock Jane in a room at home alone and go out to party. </p>

<p>Basically, I wouldn’t say Billy’s situation is ideal but he loves his daughter dearly and will provide a home that is leagues better than she has with her mother.</p>

<p>ETA: I will also encourage my friend to continue calling on Jane’s behalf. I don’t think I’m really in a position to call myself because I honestly don’t even know where she lives and haven’t witnessed any of this personally.</p>

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<p>He needs a lawyer and to go to court. The only other option is to collect evidence yourself, or anyone can do it, such as pictures and videos, and hand those over to CPS.</p>

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<p>Also, take the side of the story that you are getting with a grain of salt. I have never heard of CPS giving warning before visiting. Plus, CPS is not supposed to investigate based on 3 rd hand reports. So if you were to call and say you heard all this but never saw it yourself, they won’t likely investigate. They are not supposed to anyway. And if someone repeatedly calls in. Unfounded cases with no evidence, then charges can be pressed against the caller in many states.</p>

8

<p>Its interesting that the mother has primary custody, instead of joint custody, why is that?
Is it really Katie who is pushing to take the child away from her mother or is this instigated by the father?</p>

<p>Unless Billy & your friend are married, I think she should let the father handle it.</p>

<p>Have the grandmothers made a report? Wouldnt they be more concerned about the child than your friend & have more first hand information?</p>

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<p>Some of how CPS handles it, unfortunately, depends on the state and sometimes the city. Some “family preservation” guidelines try to delay separating a child from the custodial parent, through warnings, deadlines, parenting classes, etc. Sometimes, the availability of the CP’s family to help actually hinders the NCP. In some cases, a pregnant new partner doesn’t show the maturity and stability the state would require to place a child with Dad-- we really don’t know what’s going on. He has to somehow show he is a better financial and emotional provider.</p>

<p>If Katie truly believes they lock the kid up and leave, the next time that happens would be a good time to call the police. </p>

<p>But, if there is a true concern, there can’t be a delay in documenting. That can serve against Dad. Dad can have a pediatrician or nurse practitioner evaluate the child, as well.</p>

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<p>Could Billy ask in advance at a police department if, next time he picks her up with evidence of flea bites and dirt, could he drive directly to a police station to take his photographs there? Then, have a desk officer witness and perhaps write an affidavit that he (the officer) saw the bites on her skin, dirt and so forth on the child? I think a lawyer can advise if my idea is even feasible, and I wouldn’t do it without a lawyer’s go-ahead anyway, since that’s basically trying to build a case.</p>

<p>If not to a pollice department, I wonder if a child can be driven directly to a Family Services or some other social work agency, to get the professional witnessing and affadavit from a social worker or other professional on hand. All to happen in the same timeframe as the photos are being taken.</p>

<p>Understand I’m just brainstorming here; have no idea if this is do-able. I’d certainly be asking a lawyer first whether such gathering of evidence is even helpful before putting a child through it all.</p>

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<p>I like the idea of enlisting a grandmother to come up with a desired goal. I am not sure how Billy is going to make a case for sole custody. Would it be okay if the child ends up in foster care instead?</p>

<p>In California at least, people don’t lose their children because of dirt and flea bites. Mother may be willing to consider voluntary CPS involvement. Then she can help in a non threatening way.</p>

<p>I wouldn’t over-interpret the “play” unless someone has experience with this. </p>

<p>There may be no way around it, but it is disconcerting when the child suffers for the parents battle for “proof”.</p>

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<p>Good idea to have her evaluated when dad has visitation. Maybe take her for a " check up" at the drs which might not be as intimidating as at a police station.</p>

<p>Does dad have plans to marry pregnant girlfriend? I have to say, getting someone else pregnant when he has a toddler that he is trying to get custody of, doesnt sound like someone who plans well.</p>

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<p>Is there any way to intervene in the opposite way – to get some help for the mother with possible bipolar disorder? If nobody knows where to begin on that, a friend of the mother could call a Community Crisis Hotline in the area, to ask how she can advise her friend on the pathways for someone to seek out mental health services for herself. Friends call these places all the time, on behalf of their friend, and get information for them. But Billy would have to want to have the mom seek help – does he? That might benefit the child very much.</p>

<p>If the friend were to call from the mom’s apartment while there is some difficulty, chaos or shut-down by Mom occurring, Crisis Service will advise the friend. It’s also okay to call just to describe that situation in general. Sometimes, during a phone-in by a friend, CS will ask if they can also talk to the mom. If she agrees, the phone can be handed over and a pathway begun to be charted out for help within that community. </p>

<p>Obviously there has to be another player brought in here – a friend of the Mom (sometimes it can be the grandma) to reach out FOR the mom.</p>

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<p>As the mother is apparently expecting, I think a friend would want to insure she was getting prenatal care, and possibly a visiting nurse program or other community services outreach could help with that.</p>

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<p>In my years of CPS, we often got pulled into custody concerns. It was often very difficult to distinguish what was truthful and what was embellished. It is important to not use CPS solely as a means to gain custody. As you’ve seen, if there is no evidence, they aren’t able to do anything and have to close the case out as unfounded. The best scenario is that the evidence can be brought to court by the parent - and a judge can alter the custody agreement or at the least, assign a guardian ad litem to the case. Hopefully at some point if it’s there, CPS can obtain the needed evidence, but if this isn’t possible, the family can gather photos, witnesses, etc. themselves and bring them to a custody hearing. I will tell you that even if CPS sees the dirty house - their interventions would be towards helping the parent create a safe environment for the child, providing therapeutic and emotional support, etc. It’s not about removing the child if at all possible, and they’re definitely not there to get involved with a custody hearing. That said, a founded CPS (if there ever is one) would be helpful for the parent to present at a separate custody hearing. That said, obviously if the child’s health and safety is at risk, and if there appears to be immediate danger, an alternative plan would be made by CPS to make sure the child was safe. I once had a case that was so disgusting, there was no way the poor children could stay there another night.</p>

<p>When we used to get “dirty house” cases, we never called first to make an appointment, it was always an unannounced visit. Often several of them - as we had 45 days to investigate a case. Ongoing concerns with the home and well-being of the child warrants continues calls to CPS - but with an understanding that the custody case is a separate issue and could be pursued at the same time. This type of CPS case is often one of the most difficult types of cases to investigage and they often lead to unfounded cases - but often times the evidence comes out eventually. Good luck.</p>

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<p>^ this is why I think that there is a little loss in the story, as it goes from person to person. If there ever was a visit, in my state, the “warning” isn’t necessarily advance notice of the visit, but rather an official warning of fix this within x days- or else.</p>

<p>OP said “everybody” is concerned so there might be someone close to the case who can make further anon reports. But, I will say this: SIL was a reunification assessment social worker in CA and heartbroken at the low standards for home cleanliness, personal hygeine- and even food available. This was before the easier termination of parental rights laws and was about returning foster kids to their homes.</p>

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<p>Thanks for the responses, everyone.</p>

<p>I do agree that neither parental situation is ideal. I do say having known both of them in some capacity since grade school that Billy is definitely the better parent here. I’ve known Cassie to lie about everything and I stopped associating with her a long time ago because she was all drama all of the time. I agree that she should probably get help but she doesn’t want it. She’s very warped and convinced that she’s just so in love with her new baby daddy and that she is a great mother. </p>

<p>It’s also definitely true that this story has surely lost details and had some warping due to being passed from person to person. I’m not sure what has come from grandparents or Billy through Katie to me, or what she has witnessed personally. I will advise that he consider making a Dr.'s appointment for Jane next time he has her for the weekend, just so any bites or marks can be reported. </p>

<p>I definitely do think that this child is better off with her dad or either of her grandmothers than foster care. The situations are not ideal but she is taken care of as long as she is not with her mother. </p>

<p>As a side note, it really pains me to see this situation arise. I will say that I had a troubled group of friends in high school, and the top individuals who I would have said are in no position to have children soon, or ever, all have children now. And I’m talking the types of situations where, for instance, one of the moms is so proud of her husband because he stopped smoking pot in the house. Good for him!</p>

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<p>The biggest flag to me is that the toddler is being left by herself when mom and boyfriend are out.
I’ll defer to the professionals,but that situation seems to warrant calling 911.</p>

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<p>

What if Billy ships out with the National Guard? Will the gf then be left with a newborn and Jane? Doesn’t sound like a very good situation…</p>

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<p>I would be more convinced that Billy should have custody if he had married the GF before impregnating her. Now that she is pregnant, what are their plans? Are they going to marry, and if so, how does SHE feel about suddenly being the mother of a 2-yr-old? If he does not intend to marry her–or she won’t marry him–when is he going to stop littering the landscape with semi-abandoned children? Since this sort of dysfunction is so often multi-generational, I am also somewhat skeptical about the grandmothers. If one of the grandmothers IS stable and willing, it would be great if the child were placed with her. (And BTW, no mention of grandfathers???)</p>

<p>Sounds to me like Cassie has gotten multiple warnings from CPS and her family has helped her get things together by deadline. Her family may be doing their utmost to get her into therapy, get her life together, and so forth, but having little luck. And now she’s pregnant again! How very, very unfortunate. Poor kids.</p>