H and D love fruitcake. I like it if it doesn’t have TOO much fruit & nuts and isn’t TOO sweet. 
I’m okay with getting gifts, I’m okay with giving gifts. My two pet peeves are the exchanging of gift cards (if we are just trading money, I’d rather just stop!) and having to give a list. If I have to pick it out myself, I’d rather just get it for myself. I can’t get all worked up over, “thanks for the pillows I asked for.” I’d much rather someone (and really, it’s just my family… current, birth, dh’s birth) give a little thought to something I would like without me asking for it.
I do agree that most of us need to learn to be gracious at accepting gifts. Going out to lunch with my mom and aunts, if someone would try to pick up the check, the rest would be trying to sneak money into their purse or pocket. I think it’s nice to let someone do something nice and just say thank you.
I was excited this year when my dh’s family wanted to drop gifts but then mother in law said she wants everyone to write a poem or a song for your chosen person. Gag- I would rather buy a present.
I recommend a haiku or couplet. Short and sweet. 
Gads Onward. Just an awful idea.
Acrostic poem works too—take the letters of the person’s first name and come up with something nice for each letter, than you have your “poem.”
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acrostic
E.g.
A is for Artistic
N is for Nice and
N is for Neighborly, our dear cousin Ann
(or some such thing).
Ok --seriously, I would hate writing and even more hate hate hate receiving it!!!
WAY too personal and puts people on the spot as well as in competition with each other.
I like giving gifts. I like picking things out for the people in my life. And if someone wants to give me a present I’m happy to get it. There is no jaded exchange of money or gift cards at my house. Anyone who shows up at my house on Christmas genuinely likes the other people who show up and gifts are from the heart. If you don’t want to give someone a present, don’t give them a present. No one takes offence at presents not given and everyone appreciates the presents that are given.
Count me in as one of those who detests Christmas lists. Except for children writing to Santa. Do your own shopping.
My H’s family did that sort of thing. And then they made sure that whatever they gave wasn’t TOO GOOD so that it didn’t outshine what someone else gave! One of his brothers wanted a scarf, for example. I would get him a somewhat luxurious one, not incredibly expensive or anything, but the kind of small luxury he would not buy for himself: cashmere, or the kind I got for H, which was silk on one side and cashmere on the other. H was afraid that someone else would give him an acrylic scarf from Penney’s and feel bad about it. Oy vey. (And there was not a big income differential.) If you can’t afford a nice scarf then get something nice that you CAN afford.
Gift cards can be good though. D likes ones to Lowe’s (for house stuff) and Starbucks (because that is her luxury item)
If I give her money instead of the cards she feels obligated to save it rather than spending it on herself.
I’m sure it was mentioned in the thread but years ago we announced to the family that we would no longer be exchanging gifts and would be making a donation in the name of the family to a charitable institution and then at Christmas we give them a card with information about the charity we chose for that year. Some of the charities have pledge levels which show what your donation paid for like a house for a family in Guatemala or a fresh water well in Ecuador, etc.
The varied responses in this thread is why gift giving/receiving is such a hot, diverse topic. People are all over the place on the idea. No one is wrong, no one is right - but everyone needs to recognize that we are not all on the same page. And with family dynamics, things can get sticky or be varied from one individual family member to another!
if someone really wants to get you a gift this year, even if you don’t want it, tell them you want to help the Wine Country get back on it’s feet and you’d like a gift from Sonoma or Napa (wine, olive oil, cheese, hotel stay, etc.)
Everybody wins!
At my house, following a bad economic cycle, my DH and I basically stopped giving adults gifts. The trouble is my SIL. She LOVES giving presents. She will give no matter what. Multiple gifts each. 3 or 4. She has a Christmas savings account she puts money into every payday. It is incredibly awkward at the going around the room everyone opening one present part (which she loves) when they have nothing to open. I do try to make my nephews gifts awesome. I tried the “let’s draw names” and “let’s set a $$ limit” first and it’s a no go. We love her. She loves gifts. So we march on.
I too, would like to cut out the gift giving to extended family members. On my H’s side of the family there are 12 of us. Years ago everyone gave to everyone else, and as you can imagine it just became too much. It was ridiculous. Now each person buys (3) $10 gifts and (3) $25 gift card or cash. We have 3 rounds of choosing a gift. However, even this is hard as ages range from 13-88. My FIL doesn’t know what what Amazon or ITUNES is. That’s just funny, but what is sad is that some family members buy gifts and cards geared for themselves and then choose their own gift. Last year most people just gave cash. What’s the point? I don’t even want to participate. But to be the one to voice that you don’t want to continue a tradition makes you out to be the bad guy. I learned years ago that when it comes to your in-laws, just go along for the ride. They’ll be happier and consequently so will you.
I buy inexpensive, generic “prizes” for our bingo game. It is very hard to find things that everyone will enjoy. One idea I had was a local sports team T-shirt but my 80+ parents don’t wear T-shirts and it would be a waste if they won that prize. It’s also hard to find something, besides consumables, that is suitable for both male and female. My brother was none too thrilled with the oven mitt he won last year!
@abasket - I agree that there is no right or wrong. What bothers me though is that the person who wants to stop all of the gift giving is frequently labeled “Scrooge” , “Grinch”, etc. and is considered the bad guy for spoiling the fun. I am the one in my family who has that thrown at me even though absent the gift giving I actually like Christmas.
Unfortunately, for those who enjoy giving presents, it does seem Scrooge-like for someone to try to stop everyone else from doing so.
If you don’t want to participate, why not just tell everyone that you are no longer exchanging presents and would prefer that IF they would like to give you something anyway, you would rather it be a donation to The Heifer Fund or the like?
I personally just get SATURATED with the whole focus on “things”. I like to give, but there is SO MUCH giving of things! For me, lightening up on the “things” gives more focus to the people, the time together, the food, the chatter, etc.
At various times my kids have given each other the ‘gift’ of not exchanging ‘thing’ gifts; this can be for Christmas or birthdays.
My sibs and I no longer exchange items, but we send birthday cards, call and spend time together at Christmas and in the summer - enjoying shared outings.
We do still give (now mostly $) to the nieces and nephews. Our elderly dad and aunt still give us birthday checks - ‘to buy what you want’ - so we will likely keep the tradition for the next generation.