Sister from another mother @abasket!
We do not exchange gifts, but my brother brings a scratch-off lottery ticket for each person and passes them out while the rolls are in the oven. Sometimes I also buy them and put one under each plate and make them wait until after dinner. Because most of us never buy lottery tickets, it’s something different and there’s always at least one winner. One year I won $20! woohoo!
My father buys lottery tickets for all the kids and they like that. One of my kids is always lucky and wins about $50/yr. This year she needs about $5000 to pay her room and board for next semester!
@musicmom1215 I really love this idea. I may do this by hiding scratch offs in the rolled silver ware this year.
We used to always draw names with DH’s extended family at Christmas. I got VERY tired of getting the calls from SIL’s asking for specific items for their family members. After hearing that other members of the family were complaining about what they received from us or having to buy for others I told DH we were bowing out. Once the appreciation stops I am not interested anymore. Then about 10 years ago we started getting things for my single brother in law. Then another few years ago we started to GET gifts again from my sister in law we see most often. So I felt the need to reciprocate and here we are right back to where we started practically. It is a lot of pressure.
For my own kids I love to give gifts but wish they would not worry about giving us gifts. They are just starting out on their own and I really do not need anything more than a token from them. I would like it more if they would just put the money toward something they need rather than buy for us. I would love to get off the gift train with DH as well but he just loves to receive gifts lol. He usually spends way too much on me at the holidays when I would really just like him to put up a lot of outside decorations for the holidays and maybe take me out to dinner once a month through the year (I just told him this last night). He won’t listen.
I enjoy buying for our kids, even if they are adults. I’m naturally frugal so most of the year they would only get what they need. Christmas was when I bought them frivolous things just because they wanted them. I loved it, still do. We exchange names for the grandkids and adults, so everyone has one person to buy for. This way we can focus much more on the person and a quality gift rather than quantity.
We have a tradition of giving everyone, from 2 months old to 80 years old, the same gift. Games, ski hats, gloves, socks. One year I made everyone nightshirts from the same material, so we all looked like a bunch of candy canes (yes, modeling is required). Last year I made everyone Christmas pillow cases. Towels, pillows, blanket themed Christmases. There are usually about 15 people who get these gifts but the cost can be whatever the giver wants to spend. No pressure to spend $35, no guilt if you spend only$5. Girl Scout cookies are fine and a nice surprise in Dec (you can often get them from the council office ‘off season’), Christmas ornaments look like a pretty good gift when given en mass. We siblings aren’t above claiming "my ornament is the best or that I’m the favorite because I got the best t-shirt.’ My sister has given turtle necks with out name embroidered on them, or coffee mugs with the family tree on them. Homemade food, gifts from a vacation (last year was a trip to Rome, so rosary beads from the Pope were a hit).
Usually the gifts aren’t that expensive so it is easy to add in a girl friend or cousin who shows up.
I think “white elephant” style ornament exchange or festive holiday sock exchange is a great idea for a gathering of at least 8-10 folks. I am too done with gift exchanges… most of the crap we get ends up at Goodwill.
Gifts can be a “love language,” so that motivates the person for whom it is a love language to get and receive gifts, I believe. It’s tough when one person loves getting and giving gifts and the other person doesn’t. Some make home made gifts (baked goods, crafts, etc.,) while others may spend a bunch of money that they may not have.
Sorry, no magic answers here. My older sister lives giving and receiving gifts. I really feel that for the most part I don’t need more “stuff.” I have mostly stuck to gifting consumables (food).
@Consolation I never said that no one else could exchange gifts. I simply opted out. It was exhausting for me to have to shop for a lot of people who lived far away. I made a point of letting everyone know that I was fine if they continued the gift giving, but that I was opting out. Trust me , they still buy/exchange a lot of gifts.
Surprising absolutely no one, Gifts came in dead last for me when I did the Love Languages Quiz. It does help me to view it as a LL, and it also makes me feel like less of a weirdo.
Gifts are a nice token of appreciation but for me, when they are expensive, they make me uncomfortable. I’m fine with less expensive gifts that show the giver put thought into the selection. I’m fine with a card of note. Some of my loved ones are REALLY into gifts—must be one of their love languages. I really prefer shared fun experiences, like nice meals.
Seriously? I have four siblings and three are mRried with children. My husband has 5 siblings married with children.
That’s a LOT of $35 gifts…never mind that you can’t get much these days for $35.
We give to our kids, and my nieces and nephews still in HS or younger. We make a charitable donation for the rest.
Another issue we have,…no one lives near anyone else…so shipping was a PITA also.
Once we said NO…it didn’t take long for the rest of the family to jump on board!
I admit I often pay more for shipping than I’d like and sometimes I wonder if it’s worth continuing to send these packages of edibles from HI, but I keep doing it. We have cut back a lot on those we gift tho. 
Cherry Republic has really great gift baskets (cherry related) and low cost shipping. Those are always well received, especially for people far away from the midwest. Unfortunately they don’t participate in Amazon prime or other prepaid services.
When I first got married we drew names on my husband’s side of the family. That lasted a couple years … we were all adults and I think by consensus we just decided to stop doing it. On my side we all bought for my mother, but never bought for each other.
For the kids, there was an agreement that we would send checks/gift cards through college. Once they graduated college, whether gainfully employed or not, we stopped. This will be my first year not sending anything.
I came back to update. Operation streamline Christmas was a huge success!
Part of our family is going to my s and dil’s new house the weekend before Christmas. It’s my mom, my il’s, my sister and one of her kids, and my D and maybe her new boyfriend. My il’s know my sister but not well, but since my dad passed away, my mom spends Christmas Day with my il’s.
Everyone agreed to a gift exchange that weekend for those who are at s and dil’s. Everyone was super excited about it also! I suggested either $25 or $50 and everyone agreed that $50 was better. We all put 3 ideas for a gift (some people like my s and dil couldn’t even come up with 3, they are so overwhelmed with wedding presents).
Since my D isn’t sure her boyfriend will be able to get out of work, I decided that I would buy him a present so if he’s there he’ll have a present without being involved with the gift exchange. When we talked about gift giving my mil said that it will be nice to get one present to open and that was the consensus.
I also talked to my sil about not giving presents to her kids and mine. It ended up that we just gave cash and it just was getting silly. The last kid is graduating college this year. Sil and bil and fam are going on vacation over the holidays and we won’t even see them. My sil was only concerned that my kids would mind and my kids wanted the giving to stop also. Sil gave s and dil cash last year, the kids thought they would do something special with it and the cash was still sitting there never used. I guess I didn’t care how her kids felt, lol! But really, they are going to be sitting on a beach! And my D hasn’t seen her cousins in 2 years, now it will be at least 3.
I feel relief. Our families talked about how we have so much stuff and are so blessed. In fact one of our conversations was about getting rid of all our clutter in our houses. My bil seemed especially frustrated about getting rid of stuff in his house that they aren’t using.
I’m officially done with gift buying. I shopped between gym and work Friday, but met nicest salespeople who went out of their way to order items for me in correct sizes, and giving discounts. Today I went to a local art show, because I kept emailing the potter and spouse, and they didn’t get back to me. Husband said “so sorry, no time to get back to u, but I’ll sell u the bowl for the $25.00” (it is $37)
Then, g/f I was driving wanted to stop by Costco on way back. I walk by book aisle, and see a gorgeous book on astronomy. I just had to buy it for my neighbor, an 8 y.o. Who has his room decorated with the planets. We helped each other thru the hurricane, and ever since, have been exchanging cookies. Once I made him Mac and cheese. When I was gardening, he came by to help. I feel like a grandmother.
Also bought a set of colored pencils to donate for Toys for Tots. My professional group always asks for a donation. As a child, I would love something related to art.
So, I overspent, but I really like everything I got.
I’m glad the gift thing has stopped – but my most of my sibs aren’t. Mom and Dad (who celebrate Christmas) used to buy them significant items (tires, tools, etc.) and since Mom passed away, my dad has stopped that stuff.
I have five sibs, 11 nieces/nephews, four niece/nephew in-laws (six kids among them), a former SIL who is still very much a part of the family, and a couple of long-term boyfriends. That’s way too many people for my sibs to spend $$ on (even at $10 each). When two of my nieces said “We can’t afford to continue this,” I totally supported them. We were still getting buying gifts (more family-based than individual), and I think they felt badly about that. I had been concerned about the economic inequities in my family for a while anyway, so my nieces (recent college grads) raising the subject was a less threatening way to change the status quo.
DH and I never did much for the guys at Hanukkah – it’s not a big holiday in our house, and the guys would get what they needed during the year. I’d rather spend the $ on experiences these days.
We had a conversation with our kids about Christmas…because we wanted lists of desired things from them.
Both live in small apartments…and both said the same thing…no stuff, no room.
We do want to give them gifts…but will probably do some5ing creative with gift cards and money.
We don’t exchange with anyone else…at all.