Hey everyone, I learned my mom was arrested again on Friday and 99% says she’ll go to prison. I’ve been having familial issues with her for the past year but this is the icing on top. I don’t know how to deal with this. I go to counseling but I don’t see him til next week. I’ve been crying at work this weekend. I’m scared I won’t be able to concentrate on school. What should I do?
Are you in college? If so, please go see someone ASAP at your college counseling center. This is something they should be able to schedule for you soon!
@CavsFan2003 I’m so sorry that you are going through this. Call your counselor and ask if he can see you early. He should be able to fit you in to help you through this crises.
Talk to your advisor at school as well and see what support they can offer you. Its really horrible when a parent acts in a such a reprehensible way. But it happens and sometimes you need to distence yourself from the toxic people in your life even when they are parents. There are things that you cantrol in life. It stinks. Again, I’m so sorry.
@thumper1 I’m in high school, I’d talk to my GC but they’re not great at my school for emotional stuff. I go to a therapy counselor thing. Maybe I’ll call him.
@gallentjill Thank you, I’ll do that. I know I need to cut my mom off cause she’s caused me so much trauma and distress throughout the year but it’s hard
It is completely appropriate to call your therapist and see him sooner. So sorry for what you are going through.
@compmom Thank you. I will call him after work (I’m on break rn)
Well to make things even better they placed her in a psychiatric hospital. She called me on my grandma’s phone and told me it was a suicide attempt (she was busted for drinking and driving and resisting arrest). I think I’m going to call my therapist right now and indulge in a little bath therapy.
Call your therapist and have him bump up that appointment. Also, don’t try to make any decisions about cutting your mom out of your life too soon. It is possible to communicate with her without enabling her. If you do end up making that decision, do it while you are at peace, not during what is an emotional time for your family.
Be sure to let your guidance counselor at school know what is happening, even if they aren’t great at emotional support. Ask what they could do that would help you. They may be able to provide services or make provisions for you to turn in assignments a bit late. If you are applying to colleges, they can advise or help with small things like fee wavers for tests and applications that you or your family might struggle to pay when they are short one functioning adult and dealing with a mental health/medical crisis.
If you belong to a religious community, perhaps the pastor, rabbi, priest there may be able to provide some additional support. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate! {hugs}
Look at the positive side. Sounds like she could get the help she needs.
And while I am no therapist, sometimes you need to keep family members at arms length so you don’t get sucked into their issues. Focus on yourself. Good luck.
Agree that sometimes folks are greatly helped by programs in psychiatric hospitals, especially if they get her someone who can and will continue to work with her after she’s discharged. You really need to focus on you and try not to worry about her.
Remember that she is the adult, you are the child, and you are not responsible for helping her. You can be empathetic and, if possible, help with any logistics – eg, she needs extra clothes brought to her – but as far as emotional support goes, she’s in the best place for her to get that. It’s not your job.
Thank you everyone. I’m trying to accept that there’s not much I can do but I’m a teenager with an anxiety disorder so lol it’s a fun ride. I called my therapist and scheduled an appointment for tomorrow. I don’t know how long my mom will be in the hospital. I might visit her but honestly I don’t know if I want to- I saw her after her last suicide attempt and I couldn’t eat for days. I’m angry at her for lying to me about the entire situation but I feel like I can’t be cause like… it’s not my place. Idk. I’ll talk to my guidance counselor and just let him know what’s going on in case I start scream-sobbing in class, which would be quite the spectacle.
Anyway yeah I’m just tryin to live my life as well as I can in this situation. I’ll call her hospital tomorrow and see if I can talk to her. Thanks again.
You’re allowed to be angry with her. Whether you show her that anger right now is something else again.
@VeryHappy I’ve tried my best to not show it during our convos, just cause I want to be there for her, but I think she knew, just cause she’s my mom
@CavsFan2003 Do you live with your mother, or someone else? Do you have support at home from the adults there?
@Consolation I live with only my dad. I do, but he’s just one guy. He’s trying his best.
Please check back in tomorrow and let us know how your therapy session went and how your mother is doing.
It sounds like your dad has his hands full too. Try to keep the focus on you and him, and try to keep to your regular schedule. The less upheaval you have right now, the better.
I am sorry that you are having to deal with this. At this point, I would suggest just focusing on one step at a time. If things start to feel overwhelming, just break it down into small chunks. Work on getting through one day. If that seems like too much, start with just working on making it through the next hour. And then work on the hour after that.
Sometimes we don’t “get over” things, but have to get through them. We rebound and move on, but part of the event will remain with us forever. We just don’t have to let it define our future.
Your first obligation is to make sure that you a safe both physically and then emotionally.
If you have younger siblings then to make sure that you involve relatives and family friends to ensure their safety–
food, housing, etc. This is not your obligation except to not keep this secret and let others step up.
If you need to stay with a friend’s family or relative then move out immediately.
I would suggest you talk with your therapist tomorrow but as a therapist I suggest you do not visit your
mother or even call and you simply wait, with support for yourself , for this to unfold.
Whether or not your mother gets better is not on you and your visiting is not going to make or break her
recovery or life in anyway. Hard to hear and let go of your sense of responsibility but the sooner your can
the better your life will be and the more you can help the other people around you.