<p>
</p>
<p>It boggles my mind that people think they are entitled to other people’s money.</p>
<p>We’d very much like to help our grandchildren with college someday but that is a very, very personal decision.</p>
<p>All the time. Grandma with the $s here gives small gifts, if any. Many times just a card. Other grandma who does not have as much is much more generous and gives a lot more. Since you know this by now, I’m sure your kids do too. This can’t be the first time in all of these years that your kid is getting gifts from both of them on an occasion.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>There are some GPs who have money, but don’t choose to give their lifelong savings to fund their grandchildren’s education, and also don’t spend it on boats, jewelry, etc. They are simply nervous that they will run out of money and out live their bank accounts. If you have noticed the economy is not allowed them to sit back and earn high interest on their money. They likely have also lost some money when the economy went south. They know that they no longer are able to earn money by working. It has been pretty scary to be a senior in recent years. I think that some GPs are simply fearful and rightfully so. They want to remain financially independent from their children.</p>
<p>Oh, and if they choose to spend their money on a vacations, country clubs, boats, etc., good for them! As long as they are not asking family members to support their lifestyle, it is their business. Afterall, it is THEIR money.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Excellent point. I’ll add that some grandparents lived through the depression or grew up in families it had impacted. There can never be enough money for these people to feel truly secure. I don’t mean that in a miserly way, I mean that they fear being a burden to family later and believe that keeping the money they have is in the families best interest. </p>
<p>When I was younger I wished my grandparents would spend their money on themselves. They talked about cruises and such that they could afford but just could not spend the money. It was not until they passed on that I realized that having that money in the bank is what let them sleep soundly at night. They were “enjoying” it, just not in a way that I could understand at the time.</p>
<p>Thrifty mom, you are exactly right. What is likely to end up happening is that grandma who gives $50 graduation gifts will end up paying a million to the IRS in estate taxes, while kids and grandkids are paying off college loans.</p>
<p>At Christmas time we usually give my parents money rather than presents because it is more practical. We usually put the check in a xmas card and my parents would say every time they opened a card, “Oh, wow, this is too much.” I usually gave my parents $500-1000, and they always thanked me. This past year was a good year for me, so I gave them a lot more. My parents said exactly the same thing after they opened my card. I thought to myself, “Couldn’t there have been a little bit more wow than that?” They acted perfectly, because my siblings didn’t know that I gave more. I never knew how much they gave to my parents either. My parents are on fixed income. They borrowed a lot to put all of us through schools…</p>
<p>We have very different sets of Grandparents also. It’s funny that the frugal pair are also more generous with financial gifts. The other pair is more fun-loving and more wealthy but also planning on spending all their retirement money on their travels. It’s their right of course, but it’s my right to wonder how different those travels might be if they hadn’t received so much in inheritances themselves!</p>
<p>Well, it seems to be one of the rules of parties that gifts shouldn’t be opened until later. Or on private, separate occasions as other people have mentioned. I’m sure your children love all their grandparents! As long as you have good food and beverages available, the party should proceed smoothly.</p>
<p>Oldfort, that was perfect anecdote to share in this discussion about entitlement and receiving gifts. You obviously were blessed with great parents and they were blessed with appreciative children.</p>
<p>If Grandma pays a million to the IRS, it’s her right. It’s her money, NOT YOURS. The whole resentful entitlement attitude is very unbecoming. I guess I am just baffled at the thought by some here that grandparent “should” do something with their money other than what they want!! They don’t owe anyone anything.</p>
<p>Tatin, the more you post, the more you sound bitter and somewhat jealous of grandma. </p>
<p>You started out this thread appearing to want info on how to handle a situation without causing hurt feelings. After reading your follow up posts, I wonder if deep down, you actually want to see the hurt feelings on grandma’s face when the kids open up her card with the $50 after watching them open up the $$$$$ card from the other set of grandparents.</p>
<p>Each and every gift should be accepted with equal love and gratitude and not dependent on the monetary value. Rather than focus so much on how other people choose to dole out their money, enjoy the fact that your children have grandparents in their lives who want to share this moment with them.</p>
<p>I’m very surprised at the attitudes of adults who feel that they should be entitled to their parents money. It boggles the mind.</p>
<p>
Or maybe they have already made plans to donate their money to a very worthy cause</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Exactly. What an odd assumption.</p>
<p>Coloradomom in #29 and nysmile in #30 – couldn’t agree with you more.<br>
My kids have one set of gparents who are more generous (monetarily) with the other, though both sets are generally equally as well off. The moment you let go of expectations that they “should” do certain things – the happier you are.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Anything you want, seeing as it is YOUR MONEY.</p>
<p>What a sense of entitlement.</p>
<p>My parents, who have lived frugally their whole lives and are now comfortable in their retirement, have made it clear for years that the grandchildren’s college education is the parents’ responsibility. I have no problem at all with this, nor do I have any problem seeing them galavanting around the world on golf vacations, safaris, Elderhostel trips, etc. I love that they’re enjoying their money! And the idea that they’re taking these trips to impress anyone would be beyond imagining for my down-to-earth parents.</p>
<p>If anything, I wish they’d spend more on their house to maintain it and on a yard service, but that would be my priority, it’s clearly not theirs. They’ve also given all of their children generous gifts over the years in the name of estate planning. Most of this money went into my kids’ 529 accounts. My parents may continue to gift to their children as their goal is to owe the IRS nothing (tricky to plan for given the wacky inheritance laws). But this isn’t something I expect them to do nor do I count on receiving anything. It’s their money, and I’m happy to see them spend it in ways that make them happy.</p>
<p>Going back to the OP’s post, I’d instruct my children to be appreciative of any and all gifts, as giving brings pleasure to the giver as well as the recipient. No doubt this isn’t the first time the children have heard this message.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>That’s grandma’s prerogative.</p>
<p>BTW, I think it’s more gracious to raise children to be appreciative for any gift (because of the thought behind it) as opposed to calculating what grandma “could” afford to give and measuring grandma’s actual gift against that yardstick. If one side is more generous than the other – then so be it. That’s how each side chooses to live. Nothing you can do about it.</p>
<p>Are you hoping to guilt “cheap side” into opening the purse strings a little more? Because as the serenity prayer goes - you don’t have any control over that.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>H and I were discussing long-term financial goals recently and talked about the idea of starting trust funds for our (eventual) grandchildren. (MANY years in the future, oh-please-God.) However, if we decide to do that, that in no way means that we are miffed that our parents didn’t set up trust funds or offer to pay for our kids. Different people, different choices. </p>
<p>We do have an expression that I’m going to butcher, but the gist of it is “I hope you die with a dime in the bank” – meaning that hopefully you (retired person) get to enjoy all the fruits of your hard labor and don’t pass on an inheritance. And we sincerely mean that for my parents / H’s parents. Not counting on getting a dime – nor should we. Let them enjoy their golden years to the fullest.</p>
<p>I completely disagree with Thriftymom. What grandparents do with their money is their business. If they raised and educated their children, then those children should have the wherewithal to make the money to pay for their own children’s education. I would much rather have my parents not give me money for my kids, but treat me with respect as a capable adult. I also don’t want to look at my parents in a predatorial way, as if I want their money more than I want them to have a genuine and enriching relationship with the grandchildren. The years of bringing me up are already years I can never repay them for. That’s already a gift!</p>
<p>Our accountant likes to say that we should “spend our last dollar on our last day on earth.”</p>
<p>I have sort of the opposite problem – my mother has three grandchildren, my two boys and one niece. She has always given much more extravagantly to my niece then to my sons. The problem is that she forgets this and tells me what she gave my niece at the same time she is handing my sons much less. Case in point, this last Christmas both S1 and my niece were headed to Europe for the semester. She told me that she had given my niece $5000 to help cover expenses and she would send my son a check as well. His came and it was $250. I have learned to just let it go, I don’t tell my kids, I just let it go. It is her money and she can spend it the way she wants, but I wish she would keep her mouth shut. I do my best by my kids. But it drives my husband nuts ( he thinks she is disrespecting me.)</p>