<p>It’s good you are going to relax some rules and let her start making some of her own choices. You can’t expect a child to go off to college with no experience of being independent over the years to make good choices, it just doesn’t work that way. It starts when they are little and they want to pick out their own clothing and works up from there. By this time in her life she should be making pretty much all of her own choices yet being respectful to you by letting you know she is going out and expects to be home around 1:00 Am or whatever. You can be curious but not need to know EVERYTHING she does. Don’t let your conservatism overrule your responsibility to parent a child into the adult world. I will bet ANYTHING that your younger children will have more freedom, earlier so don’t use them as an excuse for not letting your 18 year old do age appropriate activities. When our older kids were 18 they could do a lot more than our kids that were middle school aged at the time. The kids GET that. Sure they may whine about it sometimes but they do understand.</p>
<p>I know what has helped me is to see the “big picture”. It’s not about rules, or different parenting approaches, but about helping your child safely grow up to be an independent person. </p>
<p>With my S, as he got older I talked to him how I wanted him to be safe, and learn to respect himself and others, and make choices he wouldn’t regret later in life. Understand the consequences of bad decisions. Especially when they are getting closer to 18, they need to understand legal implications of certain decisions. We won’t always be able to “rescue” them.</p>
<p>If/when our children go away to college, or move out, they will be making their decisions on their own. My goal has been to prepare them for living their own life with the best resources possible, including developing good judgment and a moral compass, an education that will help them earn a living, exploring their talents and passions and joys, modeling good relationship with friends and family members, learning essential skills for living, etc.</p>
<p>Op,
What does Dad think about the fact that she was sneaking out?</p>
<p>Breaking set rules is wrong. Maybe after a short punishment (a few days?) you 3 can talk about whether the rules need to be adjusted or changed. If you could see it in yourself to give a bit more freedom, so that she could start practicing living with that bit of freedom now, with her parents nearby to potentially bail her out, rather than letting her try it out all by herself in college with no support nearby, that would be a good thing, no?</p>
<p>"I’ve tried to tell that she will lose respect from other adults that are important in her life when she does that but she doesn’t get it. "</p>
<p>How would your D lose respect from other adults if she moves in with her older brothers. I think what you meant to say was that you were concerned that you would get decreased respect from other adults if she moves in with her older brothers.</p>