<p>^^^^^Ditto. Yes, we can have rational discussions about our monthly “budget,” but being handed my monthly “allowance” as a working adult or caretaker of the house and family? No way no how. Imo, that creates almost a parent/child relationship between the adult partners and would never work for ME.</p>
<p>My husband and I both have an allowance. This works for us. We budget our money carefully and have a set amount for incidentals/lunch/whatever that we each take in cash so it’s easier to see when it’s gone. My amount is larger because he doesn’t pay to commute and my commute is expensive, but the amount for incidentals is about the same. We don’t generally spend more than $50 without consulting each other, but it’s something we mutually agreed to years ago.I don’t think there is anyone in the entire world who knows the nitty gritty details of how hubby and I manage our money because people don’t ask and it never comes up in casual conversation. Therefore, I am absolutely fascinated at the level of intimate detail cobrat claims to know about other couples’ finances – to the point that there is a vast majority!</p>
<p>^^^^What you are describing above sounds like coming up with a mature agreement about budgeting, nothing like what was described earlier. There is no spouse “giving” the other one an allowance and not answering to anyone himself/herself. And I agree with your last two sentences.</p>
<p>To each his own. My husband makes ALL our money, I am a stay at home mom and while if he wants to spend money he certainly can however I do on occasion put him and myself on a weekly allowance to make sure the budget balances. BTW we have been married 27 years in August and it works fine for us.</p>
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I never did get that whole “allowance” thing between a married couple. Seems so childish. I would never let someone put me on an allowance and I cannot imagine myself being attracted to a man who would agree to be put on one.</p>
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<p>It does seem wrong when it is a oneway street…one spouse putting the other on an allowance, but some couples do put both spouses on an allowance. Dr. Joyce Brothers said the she and her H each were given an allowance…a MOMO…money of my own that each could spend no questions asked. when they were young, the amounts were low, etc.</p>
<p>I wanted H and I to have an allowance, just because I wanted H to see how money burns in his pocket. Now that he is retired, it doesnt happen…but it used to be awful. he could nickel and dime himself (really $10-20 on virtually nothing each day) without even knowing. an allowance would have made him more aware. </p>
<p>H makes most of the money, but he prefers that I be in charge of it. He just doesn’t have time/patience to deal with those details. Also, he knows he tends be unrealistic about money. So after a few problems with this early in marriage, we agreed that I will handle the finances. It isn’t about control or one partner being submissive. It is just better for both of us and our whole family if I take care of this job because I’m the one who is good at it. He doesn’t have an “allowance.” </p>
<p>My husband is an avid cyclist. He does at least two century rides per summer. He rides 30-50 miles a day. </p>
<p>I’m a leisurely rail trail bike rider. </p>
<p>It hasn’t caused a bit of conflict, and it has been going on for well over 25 years. </p>
<p>He used to play golf. That was far worse. But luckily the other wives and I are good buddies and none of us play. We had some very wonderful Friday afternoon mom/kid dinners and playtime, and that was fun too.</p>
<p>If my husband wanted to do everything I do, or vice versa, it would drive me crazy!</p>
<p>DH earns most of the money, but I’ve always handled paying the bills. If it had been up to him in our early days, he would’ve paid bills as soon as they came in; I preferred to pay closer to he due date. In the early days, we also took equal allowances for ourselves. We haven’t done that for a long time. DH does order some personal things to come to his office to hide those purchases from me, but they don’t amount to very much money, just things I don’t think we/he need. It bothers me, but I know he’s not spending a great deal of money, just gathering more junk.</p>
<p>For health reasons, I’m the one who’s more careful about what we eat. OTOH, he’s more fanatical about exercising. He’s gotten used to checking labels for sodium, and grudgingly has agreed to not eating out as often as we used to. His cholesterol decreased (it was slightly high, but not to the point of needing meds), so I guess the changes haven’t been a bad thing.</p>
<p>Most of these examples of “allowances” are actually just mutually agreed upon budgeting, aka as living within one’s means and prioritizing one’s discretionary spending. That is not the same as one person dictating to the other what he or she may spend, with no input or flexibility allowed for that spouse.</p>
<p>Thanks, Nrdsb4, mathmom and m2ck! This is a busy time of year for us. Between mid May and mid July, we have both s’s birthdays, mine and our anniversary. And S#1 is getting married next May, so we will have another in the mix. Still trying to figure out a good anniversary present for DH. He really likes the gift our s’s got me for my bday (personal trainer sessions) so I might just get that for him too. I’d say its not original, but it was initially my idea! (which I mentioned ro DH, who mentioned to DS’s). Am fishing for any and all suggestions.</p>
<p>DH and both DS’s went skydiving together for DS#1s birthday a few years ago. Scared the bejeezus outta me… and get ready… the pilot of the plane was legally blind! Not sure how he got his pilots license or maintained with with the FAA.</p>
<p>My sister (a therapist) says that sometimes one spouse has to put the other on a strictly-controlled allowance with no access to other funds because of certain mental illnesses or gambling addictions. Some people with certain personality disorders have serious spending problems.</p>
<p>I know someone who divorced her gambling-addicted spouse just so she would have court-ordered garnished child/spouse support so that she and the kids would always get money (because before that, her H would gamble away the paycheck before coming home). she did this when the youngest was 8 months old (8 kids…all a year apart). Her H was a highly-paid Toyota exec, so the garnished wages were substantial. </p>
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<p>I think I would have stayed on the ground.</p>
<p>That would be logical, VH. Quit being logical ;). That word doesn’t seem to be in my guys’ vocabulary when it comes to adventure. Does that word fit in their vocabulary at work? Yes. Family competition? No.</p>
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