<p>The concern you express over a relationship interfering with school and social aspects of college life, is the reason many students “hook up” and have “friends with benefits.” Would you rather your daughter have a real relationship, or “hook up” casually with someone they do not even talk to in the library the next day (this scenario is direct from a college newspaper).</p>
<p>I agree that letting things take their course, and either the relationship will sputter and die out in the first year (this happens a lot), or it will continue (which would mean there is something truly valuable about it).</p>
<p>Our son has had a relationship in college that has been very demanding, because his girlfriend has health problems. He is a very loyal person, and has stuck with it. I think that, along with his excellent education, work opportunities, extracurriculars, and many friends, he has also experienced a valuable education in relationships and values.</p>
<p>He has learned to say no, when his girlfriend has a need to talk and he has a big project due. He has learned to go for the job on the West Coast, even though she is still going to be on the East Coast for another year. He has learned to think about the future in a mature, long-term way that still includes his girlfriend, but also takes care of his own career and personal goals (and hers).</p>
<p>There is no way that we, as parents, know what is best for our kids in this kind of situation, and they are now capable of determining that themselves.</p>
<p>The only time I got involved was when I was asked for advice, which happened once. MY advice took the form of a question, not a statement- by now I know better!</p>