<p>I agree with the posters here who’ve said that the situation will probably work itself out over time. Your daughter and her boyfriend selected each other from very limited populations compared to what they’ll find at their respective colleges. The imminent future is still a pretty big unknown to them, so they’re making their plans to carry a piece of comfort from the past they know and love. Once they get there, a whole bunch of interesting people and things will compete for their attention. How they’ll handle it and what will happen to the relationship depends on both of them, of course… but if they both made it into top-tier colleges while carrying on their relationship at home, they probably already have the “balance” factor figured out reasonably well. You can probably cross that worry off the list.</p>
<p>Somebody mentioned Facebook. It’s worth considering that your daughter and her boyfriend can spend all the obsessive time they want together online, texting, and talking on the phone – even texting or IMing in class (as one of my students often did). If they can look forward to having scheduled “irl” time together, they may spend less time connected electronically, which could be better for their on-campus attention spans and general time management.</p>
<p>I disagree with folks who’ve said to say nothing at all. The concern about funding her weekend jaunts to spend time with him is a legitimate one (she should earn those discretionary funds herself, in addition to the contribution she makes to her college COA). A little adult perspective about making sure she doesn’t close herself to the opportunities at her college is probably appropriate (not disapproval of the boyfriend, just something like, “Honey, don’t feel guilty about taking advantage of all the great things your college offers, including on the weekends”).</p>
<p>And, uncomfortable or not, the subject of contraception is appropriate and necessary. They are young adults, with the raging hormones still in effect, anticipating a degree of freedom and privacy they’ve never had before. An unplanned pregnancy in her college years could change her life. So could an STD. It can and does happen. If you haven’t had that talk yet, take a deep breath and do it… all prefaced with something to the effect of, “We want you to have the best, happiest life you can ever dream of. We want you to have all the freedom and all the opportunities life can offer. We recognize that you’re an adult, which puts some adult considerations in your court. Here are some things we hope you’ll keep in mind to preserve your freedom and happiness.”</p>
<p>IMHO if you broach the subject with the respect one would give to a young adult making her own decisions (which she is in many ways), your behavior won’t fit the Capulet/Montague fantasy that seems to resonate with so many teens. Which leaves her open to listen and consider her options instead of automatically playing the part of Juliet.</p>