This is my first post and I’ve been at college for two years, but it has been a miserable time for the most. I have 0 friends and I literally go to class and sit in my room till the next day. I have anxiety and it’s really hard for me to talk to people on an interpersonal level. I want to go to therapy but I can’t bring myself to go. What can I do to keep myself occupied. I can’t get a job because I do play a sport which is how I got to college, but beyind that I don’t have a life at all. I don’t feel comfortable hanging out with anyone on campus. Not even teammates. What can I do to make myself feel a lil less lonely?
First of all, if you want an actual social life with others, you have no choice but to be proactive and push yourself our of your comfort zone. You have to smile, be friendly, put yourself out there and interact if you want to get that kind of response back. NO ONE is going to come find you if you are holed up in your dorm room. It’s up to you whether or not the change you want in your life is enough to push you to overcome your fear of talking with people or going to counseling to work on your fears. This will be true no matter what kind of hardship or personal problem you have in life that you want to solve. You can’t change others, you can only control and change you.
Now if you want to have more fun by yourself, this is where hobbies and such come in. This could range from crafts, art, music, sports, just about anything you can think of. And for most hobbies, there are often blogs, groups, clubs, etc. where others who share your hobby or interest can be found.
To feel less lonely, you need to take some action. There’s no other way around it.
Does your school hold campus events? Mine plays movies every weekend, so I go to those when I have time. I’m also a member of a couple clubs and volunteer weekly at an animal shelter. The animal shelter is especially good because a) puppies! (proof: profile picture) and b) the same people volunteer every week and they’re all really nice. Is there some sort of volunteer opportunity near you that you could take up?
If you feel comfortable, maybe you could mention what school you attend, and someone familiar with that school could find a couple of fun things for you to try?
My first course of action would definitely be to go to your school’s counselling center if there is one. If you have anxiety about being judged or rejected, it might be better talking to someone who you know has met people like you before and wants to help you.
Joining a club is a good way to get involved because it’s generally a structured meeting, and you already share common interests with the other members. But unlike sports, a lot of clubs will give you the chance to interact with people, whereas there isn’t really time for conversation during practices and games. Join a small club if you get intimidated by large numbers of people, or a large one if you want to be able to “observe” before getting more involved. Remember that there’s no pressure to join the club; go to a meeting and see what it’s like, and then keep going if you like it.
I have a lot of social anxiety too, and I promise that the anticipatory worry is the worst part. Once you actually get yourself in a social situation, you’ll realize that it isn’t so bad. One thing that’s helped me is realizing that nobody is actually spending their time closely analyzing and judging you, and they’ll quickly forget about any slip-ups or mistakes once you part ways, if they notice them at all.
Definitely see about the counselling though. It will be good to have someone you can talk to one-on-one to practice interacting, and you’ll feel better knowing that even if you aren’t a social butterfly, you’re taking steps to where you want to be.
Try these books, they are sort of DIY therapy:
Also, you can get medications for SAD from your family physician or a psychiatrist without having to do therapy.
MMORPGs. They can probably help you practice communicating with other people too since you’re anonymous
I’ll add this one - Go to the gym. Exercise battles anxiety and depression. You don’t have to try to be one of those jacked up people who look like an ad for steroids. Just go do some stuff 3-4 times a week. You will feel better in many ways even if all you do is just walk on a treadmill.
^ Related, I’m taking a ballroom dancing class this semester and it’s pretty fun so far. So any kind of physical activity that you find interesting might help lift your mood a bit.