A lot of us here do not have experience dealing with children with physical or mental disorders. We really do not know what it is like for some of those parents. I think it would be good for us to be supportive and not reading too much into what OP is saying or accuse her of things we don’t know for certain. It is very commendable this young woman is willing to go so far away to school and the parents are doing what they can to be supportive.
I second what many are saying here about consulting her therapist on if this is a good strategy.
As far as dorm supplies go, I highly recommend either a family Amazon Prime or a Student Prime account. Pretty much anything she would need would get shipped to her within 2 days and the selection is bound to be better than what will be available in the Northfield area. The account will also come in handy for other purchases during the year along with textbook renting.
So, no more need to stick close by after orientation.
As far as game watching, many colleges have streaming video these days.
@menloparkmom why do you attack me? I doubt parents don’t see it as entertaining to watch what their kids love and play. My daughter loves me going to every game she played. We talked, discussed and made fun of her being silly. What’s wrong with it if the child enjoys it. Did you talk to her and she told you she hated it?
Some say I am hovering, some say I try to entertain myself… what am I? A terrible mom?
I’ll just reiterate that many of the responses in this thread seem tone-deaf to me (and getting worse). Saying things like “other kids’ parents will just be there for a day” is as not-helpful as saying “other kids can walk fine - why do you let your kid use a wheelchair?”
The (only) goal is to help the child transition to independent life. If most kids can do it in a day, but your kid needs longer because of medical reasons - what parent wouldn’t do that for their kid? I don’t get how everyone can be so quick to conclude that it’s too much time, when they don’t know the kid, and in fact many presumably have never had a kid with an anxiety disorder.
“just so happened she seems emotional lately and that’s why I am concerned”
this happens EVERY year to a LOT of kids who are realizing they will be leaving home for a long time. Believe me. For years, we "old timers have read and responded to posts from hundreds of parents each summer, who are worried about this. [ My DS, only child, went off to college 10 years ago. It was not fun for me…]
In the months before college starts some kids get anxious, some kids are cool as cucumbers, and some kids get unbelievably obnoxious toward their parents [ which is known as soiling the nest, in order to make easier for parents to kick them out, LOL!]
what I’m saying is your DD’s anxiety is exacerbated by this transition, and once she is in MN, busy with practices, meeting new friends, and taking classes, she will be better.
Parents, on the other hand, can be a wreck for a long time.
The trick is to NOT let the kid know that…
NO , you are not a terrible mom.
but you are going to make your child feel embarrassed when her mom is the ONLY one from Calif sticking around to watch her games, now that she is in college .
You’re not necessarily a terrible mom.
And we’re not tone deaf. OP is saying her kid is functional. We’re asking about the safety net Mom has in mind. We know, from our own lives and the openness on CC, that many parents can’t take a breath and stand back comfortably. They want to be there, or close, they want to be a respite, they want to share in buying dorm supplies and go to every game, to show support and maybe they do enjoy it.
But at some points, the risk is the kid is looking at you to define him/herself. His or her own confidence comes to depend on the parent. At some points, we need to step back from what we want, what we enjoy, when it gets in the way. That’s a valid point.
“I am real with myself because I know my husband more than anyone else. He doesn’t like to go to more than 2 stores in one day. How’s that not real to put consideration in accommodating a family member’s need or wish?”
Seriously, the man couldn’t go to Target, Bed Bath and Beyond and Walgreens in the same day? Come on now. The whole point of being there is to be useful.
I think you’re overthinking the amount of “extra” shopping that needs to get done. A BBB and a Target/Walgreens will have everything you need. These rooms are small. You will have prepacked toiletries. A bedding run at BBB if you’ve preordered and a Target run will be more than sufficient. I love to overthink logistics like this but honestly, don’t.
My husband just had an accident last year, broke both legs. He can’t walk for too long and he gets tired easily. He loves doing it with us because we are family. I accommodate him in it.
There’s a Target less than ten minutes from the college. Do the bedding online because, I promise you, stock goes down around any college, starting now. You can look now, order at some point, and pick it up at the store.
Other than what we call the proverbial “WalMart run,” most of us did NOT plan big shopping excursions when dropping them off. We did not spend days in the college town on shopping.
A skilled DBT therapist plus a skilled does-not-medicate-too-quickly-or-too much psychiatrist has been a life saver in our house. This is therapist number 3, by the way. It’s not that the others were “bad”, it’s just DBT is what resonates with our kid. Concrete skills you can whip out from your tool box when life gets tough.
Do the athletes even change dorms after early move in? They don’t at my kid’s school. And there are an army of upperclassmen around helping that day, it wouldn’t be a big deal to get help if needed. My kid has also moved between dorm rooms in her own several times. They really can do this if necessary.
Also, all college kids get 6 months of Amazon Prime free. It would be super easy for her to order anything she needs after a few weeks that way, no need to go to a store. And your husband could hang out in a local coffee shop if he doesn’t my want to go on any final errands.
I know you don’t want to hear this, but to me this sounds much more about you and your need to stay close than about getting her launched and settled into her new environment.
Oh… and what if your kid is mostly riding the bench as a freshman? Not sure what her sport is, but there may not be much to watch.
Definitely order online and pickup in the store or shop from Amazon. I think St. Olaf starts before Carleton so everything will be picked over. Most colleges have buses that run from campus to Target or the like during the first few days.
Sorry to hear that, kchendds. Obviously it’s a different consideration if he has a physical limitation. Though certainly he could sit in a car while you ran it. But seriously, there just isn’t that much “extra” shopping to do. Even if he’s limited to 2 stores a day, you won’t NEED more than 2 stores.
@intparent husband won’t let me do this alone. She will be playing because she plays one of two spots that has to be on the court and they only have another upperclassman playing.
It was a plan to accommodate all needs. Mine, hers and husbands.
@thshadow, I guess you didn’t read my post. My oldest has schizophrenia. My middle one has bipolar disorder. My youngest has anxiety. I’ve gone through NAMI classes and am a speaker for NAMI. I know a little about parenting kids with severe mental illnesses.
The OP wrote, “To make the transition easier, my husband and I will accompany her to MN and stay there for a month. We will watch her games and give her support in any ways when we are there.” I think her intention is clear and well-meant, but not the best for her child.
@maters we have ordered some online and will pick up at the location there but leaving some behind because it is part of the fun daughter is looking forward to.
