<p>Husband has a clear choice for S…the free ride school. He’s mentioned this early and often and nothing would have stopped him from doing so. Having to sit down and argue his case for a much more expensive choice has, we hope, clarified things for S. It’s also shown us that this is something he really seems to want, since this is a kid who’s very tight with a buck, be it his or ours.</p>
<p>HeliMom…
your comment takes me back to a funny/sad memory…cause I remember my dad telling me early and often that it was very easy to marry for money…and also that he would buy me a ladder if I wanted to elope. Of course, I did not take him seriously… and the sad thing was he died before I got married. In fact, the $$ from his work for unused vacation paid for my wedding a year later. </p>
<p>We have gone into debt for our kid’s college…is it smart? who knows… I do know that I will use CC’s info on aid to much greater advantage with child # 2… that is for sure…</p>
<p>maineparent</p>
<p>I’m absolutely sure your dad was dancing at your wedding in spirit–and was glad he’d saved the money for it too.</p>
<p>I tend to agree with the POV that parents DO have a little more wisdom to offer, but the spirit in which that wisdom is offered is key. Offering up Pros and Cons is a good approach that we used with both our kids, without giving too much of a personal opinion. Shaping the pros/cons into a seemingly unbiased list can work well.</p>
<p>That said, our rather contrarian son narrowed it down to two good choices which were quite different. There were very distinct pros and cons to each. H and I were equally ambivalent, seeing College #1 as the better fit one day and College #2 the next. I think that S secretly wanted our opinion rather than a “factual” list and sometimes, I think, was struggling so much with the choice that he wanted us to just tell him what to do.</p>
<p>One day he was particularly exasperated with our going back and forth on pros and cons and said to us, “What is wrong with you people–make up your minds!”.</p>
<p>To this day, especially given some of the challenges he faced (he ended up at Tulane the semester of Katrina), we’re still not certain what the best choice is (or would have been).</p>
<p>Ha, this thread has made me think about the schools we visited, and I realize now that I have become quite attached to the one my daughter has dismissed as being too small. Of course I have to keep my mouth shut, though it is going to be hard. </p>
<p>If she ended up going there because I talked her into it and she didn’t like it, guess who would end up being blamed!</p>
<p>That’s what I try to keep in mind mstee! I expect son will be a lot more invested in a school he’s picked for himself. Out of curiousity, I just ran through the College Crawler on all 6 schools. They are described almost identically by students. No wonder it’s hard to pick.</p>
<p>Bethie…it sounds like it’s going to be a gut-feeling decision, and whatever he goes with will be the best decision for him. I’m a firm believer in making a decision with the best info you have at the time, and then moving forward with it, without spending any time on the “what if” scenarios later… If corrections need to be made later (i.e. if he really goes to the “wrong” place), then new decisions are made later and life goes on…</p>
<p>Good luck</p>
<p>I spent the morning sifting through a stacking file and a dresser drawer full of college mailings, filling garbage bags. Rather a morning of what ifs. A mourning of what ifs.</p>
<p>Threw out a bunch of stuff from also-rans, eg. Davidson, Rhodes, Wooster, William and Mary, Hope, Indiana… Each one has terrific options, and maybe, shoulda… Nope – won’t do that to myself. The options D’s got are proving to be more than enough! But it is comforting in a sense, in knowing that there are so many great schools out there!</p>
<p>D mailed off ONE “attending elsewhere” card today, to Allegheny. So we’re down to four choices left. It’s really down to two, waiting on the results of our appeal with Furman. But the two schools are so different – the other is Miami-Ohio, that we hang onto the other two - Denison and St. Olaf - in case the Furman (LAC) appeal increases but the financial aid doesn’t. If the decision were today, she will attend Miami, which is half the price of Furman. ($15k vs. $30k.) But Furman is her preference … on most days… </p>
<p>Good luck to everyone still deciding!</p>
<p>binx</p>
<p>I feel that way and I think my son does too, saying “no” to incredible schools he feels grateful to be admitted to.</p>
<p>We’re dealing with another winter storm moving in and not knowing if we can fly out on Monday.</p>
<p>When it came time for son#2 to decide he eliminated my 2 first choices for him plus another school before we made the final look-see trip. He still had 3 fine choices plus a wait list consideration. In the interim between applying and acceptances he had decided on a geographic restriction he had not been willing to impose earlier. Had he been willing to, his application list would have looked very, very different. </p>
<p>One school he eliminated was to my way of thinking ideal for him, the other just so darn appealing. I absolutely bit my tongue. His father, who had not seen any of the schools except 2 (one he had attended, one I had attended) and who (because of household division of labor!) had not invested energy in knowing about the schools- really wanted to jump up and down and say ‘choose X’- I bit his tongue too. When my son was not happy at the school he chose as a freshman, I bit my tongue. Now that he is gleeful as a sophomore, all I can say is more credit to him for knowing himself well enough and trusting himself enough to figure out what fit and to be patient and let his feelings about the school develop as he matured. </p>
<p>I think he would have been equally happy at the school I thought ideal for him, by the way- barring geographical issues. The others, not so much. </p>
<p>So, my recommendation. Bite hard if you need to but absolutely have faith that your bright child will know. By the way, son #1 did this without visiting a second time, and that worked too. It was more work to gather information in some ways, but a lot cheaper.</p>
<p>My favorite line of the day – “I bit his tongue too.” Way to go, anitaw!</p>
<p>I basically gathered evidence to support my concerns, then gave it to my son. We had “friendly” debate about it, but this was so long ago that once my son started putting his application together it was all done. The thing I want to avoid is putting him in a position so that he thinks I am not behind him. I don’t want to in any way create a self-fulfilling prophecy or anything. So, for the last handful of months I have been gathering as much positive information about his school as I can, showing pride, talking about the school’s programs and offerings, basically doing everything for him that I did when my daughter was accepted to her school. Once the card is mailed, it’ll be as if I had pushed this school all along. I won’t even look back.</p>
<p>Love it, anitaw!</p>
<p>My husband seems to be biting his own tongue these days, but I WANTED to bite it back in the early days of The Search, when we would visit a safety school and he’d say, “I don’t know…the kids here don’t seem very smart to me.” RIGHT in front of our son!</p>
<p>bethievt – LOL. Hope he didn’t say it in front of the kids attending the college!</p>
<p>When D and I looked over her acceptances, I took one off the table as too expensive. That left 6 others. She didn’t really want to discuss the possibilities or do anything that resembled a decision-making process. Despite my pleas to keep some time open in April for college visits, she managed to book herself solid. Despite this, I got her to agree to one college visit so I sent her to the one I thought fit her best. It worked - she decided on the spot and that was that. But darn it, I really missed being able to go over the details of her choices, debating their merits. I knew it was her decision, but I wanted there to be some kind of process to it! </p>
<p>Whether our kids are “over-processing” or “under-processing”, we’re all having to bite our tongues.</p>
<p>Hey, fireflyscout, I would welcome an opportunity to steer him to that warmest of chilly campuses. But I’m trying to be subtle. And it’s pouring down snow here. Hoping to get out of Dodge for those final visits!</p>
<p>bethievt: “…warmest of chilly campuses…” I like that! I was visiting during a couple of chilly days last week. Each time I’m there, we walk together through campus, meet up at the library or Sayles, and shop/eat on Division St. I’m always amazed at how everyone knows everyone - even the shop owners know her name. “Hi’s” all around.</p>
<p>Hope you and S get out OK tomorrow and enjoy the trip.</p>
<p>I did show him the Carleton “what do Druids do” site today. He thought it was pretty amusing, especially the Welsh holiday involving messing with things that shouldn’t be messed with or something like that. I’m working on saying nice things about all his colleges because they’re all great.</p>
<p>mstee</p>
<p>No he waited until we were off campus to make his pronouncements on smartness.</p>