I can say without reservation, with 100% certainty, that you can’t be absolutely certain that you know everything about their situation. How do I know? If you were that close to their situation the conversation would have come up already.
If you’re right, they’re not likely to take it well and it could affect your son’s relationship with his friend (as in end it).
If you’re wrong, it could still end your son’s friendship. Why? Because essentially you’re saying that you think he’s less than, teens don’t take that well.
This is a lose-lose situation. No matter what your intentions there’s a strong likelihood you and your child will take a hit. Even worse, if they’re gossipy, I could see them telling other people the story, but slanted heavily towards how inappropriate it was.
If someone opens the door, you can tell them anything that you know. Even in that case I’d stay far, far away from talking about it in reference to the child. Abstraction is never insulting.
College visits are not applications Nor do they necessarily reflect a college list.
In my family we didn’t do any family traveling tours of colleges-- kids visited on their own (without parents) at various points during their senior year. So it really doesn’t matter where they visit or whether they visit any colleges at all.
@brantly - you said that this is your son’s best friend. If they are still best friends next fall, then they will probably discuss what colleges they are applying to with each other. It seems an easy enough conversation to have for kids who are friends at school to compare college lists and talk about reaches and safeties. My kids certainly knew where their friends were applying.
SoI think its best to keep your attention focused on your son and his college plans, and let your son be the one to speak up if its seems that the best friend is overlooking the need for safeties. And I don’t mean that you should ask or tell your son to bring it up – I think it will come up naturally if they have the kind of relationship where it is appropriate to talk about such things.
it’s funny how nobody asked what makes OP such an admissions expert? unless you’re the woman who wrote tiger mom or were recently an adcom at some Ivy your opinions in this regard have no value. this family will later have laughs at your expense, especially if you nor your kid attended or were admitted to any elites. you’d just sound like a pushy bitter mom projecting