My daughter has always been smart 4.0 student but she is a sophomore now and some very bad things have happened:
The summer before the school year, she took honors bio online and she took too long to finish it. she had to finish the course the last week of summer even though we have been telling her to finish it before hand but she finished it at the last minute and her report card is yet to come out. all of this is her fault and we are very mad at her for being so irresponsible
because she took to long for her bio class, she was not able to effectively use summer to prepare for the sat 1 test. normally juniors take this but she insisted on taking it her sophomore year, so we paid two thousand dollars for her summer sat class. she went from a 1380 to a 1520 (on the new sat!) but of course we all know this isn't high enough to place her in a top 20 school bc she is indian. we are angry at her that she threw all this money and wasn't effective with it and waisted her time.
the worst part is, she can’t take the octobore or november tests bc its not enough time to raise her score to a 1580/1590 (she is in school so she has lots of homework and study) so we paid $2000 for nothing.
she got an A in algebra 2 honors last semester but she got a 40% on her first precalc honors test and her teacher suggested that she drop down to the regular math level.
i told my daughter that there was no point in her skipping a grade in math if she had to drop to the regular level and i was very angry at her for not seeking help in her math class when she needed it… she took her second test today and i told her that she must get an A in this class or else no college will accept her as an engineering major, which we encouraged her to do bc she only likes majors that dont lead to a good career (like english and that kind of stuff). we are so so so angry at her for this failure in math and we dont know what to do bc she studied harder for today’s test but she failed to get 100%, which is what she needs to make up for the 40%
we are so angry and disappointed at our daughter for all of her recent failures. how do we punish her? thanks
Really, you want to punish her for being in the top percentage with a high sAT score, for doing summer school but not doing it fast enough?
If she doesn’t get into Harvard or Yale, it won’t be because she has a 1520 instead of a 1590. Why is it too late to retake the test? She’s a sophomore. Most sophomores haven’t even taken the SAT once, never mind for the last time.
You need to back off and let her be in charge of her schooling. If you don’t want to pay for SAT prep, don’t pay for it. If she wants to take an English course instead of a math class, let her.
This has to be a joke. Not questioning that there are parents like this out there, but suspicious a first post would be this. If it is real, please let your child go to any school as far away as possible.
I am not certain that this post is real. But let’s assume it is. Nothing that has happened is worthy of punishment. Nothing parents can do can make students get an A or reach a certain score on the SAT. By the way, 1520 our of 1600 is an excellent score. What was the breakdown? 760/760? 720/800? You need to calm down. She most definitely can get into a “top” school with those scores—but the scores are not the only determinant. Also, as you are from India,you might not be aware that you do not need to go to a top college nor do you need to major in engineering to have a “good career.” Please don’t punish her. It will not achieve what you think it will and will only fuel resentment against you.
@hebegebe apologizes, my english isn’t the best. but yes she is actually very overweight because she hasn’t been exercising recently and loves to eat sweet things, so i told her to lose some weight in the summer and she didnt, which is another reason I’m quite annoyed at her
to all of those saying that i am a tiger parent: yes, i am strict but i want the best for my kids. please keep that in mind and stop accusing
i hope all future readers are able to help me answer the original question. also many are saying that this is not real and if you believe that, that’s your decision and you dont have to help me but please dont comment that here because that’s not helping anyone. just ignore me if thats what you believe
If you want a continuing relationship with your daughter, you need to back off the criticisms. Learn to emotionally support her, inspire her, and love her unconditionally.
Just because you care for your kids does not automatically make you a good parent. My wife’s father “cares”, but he was a tiger dad that destroyed the confidence of his children. She is still affected even 25 years after leaving home.
Just want to repeat that kids need unconditional love and support.
@hebegebe and i do have unconditional love and support. this doesnt excuse my child from criticism and i dont see why wanting to punish my daughter means i dont love her
Wow! Adding fuel to the fire!
I don’t parent the way you do, so I’ll tell you what I see.
Your child did well.
You didn’t. If you don’t back off, she will eventually develop mental health problems because if she can’t “please her parents” how the heck will she survive in college on her own? Planning on moving with her? The pressure and abuse you are placing on this child is brutal and will backfire. I suspect she cries often and feels unloved. I don’t know you, so I really basing this on what you’ve written.
I get that Indian parents have a need to try to one-up everyone, but it is not healthy at the expense of your child. Did you go to a top 20 school in the US in such a competitive field? Did you take an SAT or ACT and score high? Did you go to a comprehensive American high school where everything matters, grades, ECs, sports? I suspect not and that you wouldn’t have survived the current system.
My kids didn’t need me bullying them to get them into top schools. You have no idea how your post sounds, looks and feels.
Sure it can. How about Educationally Induced Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (EIPSD)? Victims can have difficulty sleeping, fatigue, feelings of sadness and worthlessness, suicidal thoughts, anxiety episodes, increased anger with feelings of resentment and outbursts of aggression, deteriorating peer relationships, difficulty with concentration, lowered school achievement, antisocial behavior, intense dislike of authority, somatic complaints, tendency for school avoidance, school drop-out, and other evidence of negative high-risk adolescent behavior
However, it does not predict nor encourage academic success.
OP, you seem to be focused on altering your daughter’s behavior but your own behavior needs altering even more. It doesn’t sound like she wanted to spend the summer studying.
you accuse me of trying to one-up and giving mental health problems to my kid but that’s rude, accusatory, and i dont think you would like someone saying that to you
yes my daughter cries often but thats bc she’s overly sensitive (and she has been since she once born, so not because of this situation) so it’s her fault not mine. obviously i love my daughter… thus, why would i abuse her? or give her mental issues?
good for you that your kids are self motivating but mine needs some encouragement and discipline at time to meet her highest potential. it says a lot about you that you voluntarily add fuel to the fire but I’m not going to expand on this because unlike you, i dont immediately judge and accuse someone when i first meet them online