@CheddarcheeseMN good point you bring up here: actually it was her decision to take the online course and study for her SAT I’m just punishing her for being too greedy and not accomplishing what she set out to do
@SculptorDad yes punishment is bad therefore we should never give kids consequences for doing a bad thing no instead we should leave them to do whatever they want because they are perfect and flawless and they might kill themselves if we ever criticized them…
If op is not joking, I think the degree of child abuse is in the realm of crime. At least it ought to be. I don’t even want to call him/her directly.
Not real. Donut comment was a dead giveaway. Move on. Nothing to see here…
@SculptorDad no physical injuries nor mental health issues. not abuse. can everyone stop bringing up this whole abuse thing please thank you
Can someone please just answer the original question? I’m very confused as to what to do and would like advice
Op should talk to a psychiatrist for his/her daughter’s safety.
@SculptorDad also the link you had was one for corporal punishment which isn’t something i do… so ur link is irrelevant
why does everyone here think that i will punish my kid in some horrible way? not true just want something to reinforce what she did was wrong
You already got two pages worth of coherent helpful advise: Stop emotionally abusing your daughter because not only it’s very harmful, but also it won’t bring the result that you are hoping to. Sounds like she is already in great distress. Get her some help for her too. At this stage probably both you and your daughter need professional help.
Punishing her for an initial low grade, being so annoyed because you think her SAT score is too low, is NOT “and i do have unconditional love and support.”
The answer to the original question is you love her, your show you’re proud, you quit trying to justify pounding on her for some very common sophomore issues. Let her grow.
And as much as anyone out there, you need my boring advice to learn what it really takes to get into a tippy top college. It is not all about stats. It’snot all about being “the best.”
Your daughter is only in 10th grade and got a good SAT score. What is the SAT score that you are hoping that she will eventually get? I would say that a jump in score by 140 or so points is pretty good.
FWIW, I just read an interesting book called “How To Be A High School Superstar,” by Cal Newport. It has some useful suggestions on how to improve your grades, better & more useful study habits other than just rote review, along with how to improve your SAT scores.
Don’t spend any more money on expensive SAT test prep classes. Buy some books that have sample SAT tests in them and have her practice those…and review the questions that she gets wrong so she can re-learn the concepts that she struggles with.
Then maybe have her take the SAT again at the END of 10th grade and see how things improve. If her SAT verbal score needs to be higher, then she should read a lot…for fun, not just for school. That’s a great way to improve your vocabulary.
Try not to stress out about it. Maybe she just needs some extra help in the math department. Is she really skipping a year on math by being in the precalc honors class? If so, maybe it’s too much for her at this point, in which case it would be far better to move down to a math class that is achievable rather than set her up for failure. Your daughter is likely doing the best that she can. Yelling at her might not necessarily be the best solution to the problem. Try looking at it from a problem-solving point of view instead of looking at it as if your daughter isn’t working hard enough or trying hard enough.
Re: her eating habits & weight - exercise can often be a useful way to relieve stress. Perhaps there’s a physical activity that she’d like to get involved in that would help in that department?
What you have described is more harmful and horrible than old style school corporal punishment.
^ Mental torment. Withholding approval. All for the parent’s sense of control. 
She is a SOPHOMORE? I don’t understand all the hype about summer school and SAT prep. Instead of fixating on perfect scores to get into the “tippy top” colleges, I suggest you give her some space to find her own way. Then fill your time reading the many threads here that will help you understand that there are MANY great colleges. It’s all about finding the best fit.
But here are some links about emotional abuse by parents;
Constant belittling, shaming, and humiliating a child.
Calling names and making negative comparisons to others.
Telling a child he or she is “no good," “worthless,” “bad,” or “a mistake.”
Frequent yelling, threatening, or bullying.
Ignoring or rejecting a child as punishment, giving him or her the silent treatment.
Limited physical contact with the child—no hugs, kisses, or other signs of affection.
Exposing the child to violence or the abuse of others, whether it be the abuse of a parent, a sibling, or even a pet.
http://www.teach-through-love.com/effects-of-emotional-abuse.html
http://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/child-abuse-and-neglect.htm
If not for anything else, please rethink everything for your own selfish greedy desire of raising a high performing child. Because your current method isn’t working. Or else you wouldn’t have asked for help. Neuropsychologists found out that human brain learns when it is either happy or extremely sad. The latter only works for short term with harmful side effect. Keeping a child happy at all cost is the best, and the only way to make a motivated learner, an essential method of raising a high achieving child with fully developed potential for the long term.
Assuming for the moment that the situation is real, and therefore very concerning, I will reply.
Please keep in mind that I live in India and have a mixed family. I am VERY familiar with the cultural issues at play.
It appears that as a father you have very high standards for your daughter. I would guess that you believe that she can achieve the best, the highest, the most prestigious level of anything …if she just works hard enough.
I would also guess that you do not have a very deep understanding of the US college system. Therefore you have fallen into a TRAP of believing that (like in India) there are only a handful of “good” colleges to attend. That is NOT true in the US and you need to start doing your research so you have a full understanding of what you are talking about.
You also seem to be holding onto the very stereotypical idea that your daughter must go into “computer science/medicine/engineering” in order to have a worthwhile career. IN SPITE of her lack of interest or desire to pursue those field. In my experience, you need to back off. Let her explore her interests, let her figure out where her talents are. She will want to be independent and make her own money. She will figure out the career path that will help her do that.
You have a high achieving daughter. She has achieved an SAT score that most students will never see. She spent her summer on academic pursuits. But, is she happy? Do you have a child that is enjoying her life? That will look back at her childhood and her relationship with you and think that it was good?
Your job is to raise a happy, healthy, mentally sound adult. Your job is not to force her to become what you wish you could have been. Or to bully her to becoming what you wish she would be.
She sounds like a great, hardworking kid. The fact that strangers on the internet can see that and you can’t should be a wake up call to you.
Give her a hug. Back off. Let her have some freedom. Do your research. Note that she could go to a top-100 or top-150 school and get a great education, followed by a great job. Relax. Breath. And let her do the same.
You should also be aware that attitudes like those expressed in your first email are rapidly falling out of favor in India as well. The suicide rates are skyrocketing. Kids are running away from middle class homes to escape the never ending pressure. There is a problem with your approach and LOTS of people are starting to see it - even people in India.
@SculptorDad appreciate the extra research but not too relevant in my case
@tusconmom thanks for being one of the very few supportive people here! your comment was so nice compared to the amount of negativity i got. about the skipping math issue, yes she skipped a grade in math, and her school won’t let her go to honors in her grade level, and i dont want her to move to regular precalc bc whats the point of skipping a grade if you’re going to be in the regular track? i dont know if problem solving will help now bc it really is a matter of her not trying hard enough and not asking enough questions in class and at home when she is confused
What are you thinking about for punishment? Making her pay you back for the wasted $2000? Insist she keep taking the SAT until she gets a perfect score? Taking her phone and beating her? No one here is going to advise those things. It’s fairly unanimous that you should do nothing except encourage her, no ‘punishment’ and there is rarely a consensus on College Confidential.
I think colleges are looking for students who are able to balance their studies with other interests. I think most admission officers would rather see a 1520 with a winning essay from a literary magazine, a dance award, debate club, Model UN than a 1590 with no activities, a student who is nervous and scared to speak in the interview, whose essays are boring because the student hasn’t DONE anything. The activity doesn’t have to be amazing or inspiring, just fun for the student. If you want her to lose weight, encourage a physical activity that can also reduce stress - yoga, running, tennis, art.