How to resign from a job gracefully?

zpmqxonw · April 14, 2010, 10:32pm

As some of you may know, I’ve been unhappy in my work situation for quite a while now. I’ve met with my manager and the research professor I’m working with several times, but the underlying issues have remained unchanged for the most part.

Fortunately, a colleague let me know on Monday about an opening in a different group that’s a much better fit for me. I talked a lot with that project manager on Monday, submitted my resume Monday night, interviewed Tuesday afternoon, and accepted the job offer this morning. It’s exactly what I’ve wanted (more tech-related duties, less management) and I am very excited. We’re looking at a start date a little over two weeks from now.

What I’m unsure about now is how to deliver the resignation gracefully. I’m not switching companies, or even departments, so I will be literally right next door to my former coworkers. Hence, my questions about how to make this transition as clean as possible…

<ol>
<li>Do I need to submit a letter of resignation? My title will be exactly the same in my new job, as will the department and company, so it feels weird for me to write a letter resigning from my current position.</li>
<li>I have scheduled a meeting for tomorrow with my manager, where I plan to give her my two weeks notice and offer to help train my replacement. Do I need to give two weeks notice to the research professor too? </li>
<li>Is it appropriate to write a short thank you note for my manager and coworkers who have been especially helpful to me? If so, do I give this thank you note on my official last day, or before?</li>
</ol>

Sorry for all of the questions. I’m pretty new to the corporate world (just passed the two year mark) and have never had to resign from a job before…

cnp55 · April 14, 2010, 10:51pm

I tell all my parttimers … mostly first job teens … how to leave gracefully before they even get hired. The fact that you are thinking about it is a good thing. I think all your instincts are correct. Realize that unless you own the joint, no one expects you to stay until you are old and grey. Therefore, sooner or later you have to resign. And gracefully without burning bridges is the right way.

Sometimes the best thing is to go in to see your manager (who will pass the word as necessary) and say something like “I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that I would like to give you two weeks notice. The good news is that I’ve found a job that I think I am better suited for. It happens to be in the lab next door.”

It is good news and bad news. Your old supervisor will be (you hope) sad that you are leaving … and happy for you at the same time. At least I am always happy when one of my young valued employees gets a great opportunity. I am not so happy when they want to leave and act out so badly that they have to be fired.

bookiemom · April 14, 2010, 10:56pm

I don’t think you would write a letter of resignation to your current boss, since you are just transferring to a different group within the same department. I think it is quite likely your boss will already know about this move before you go into her office. If she doesn’t know, just be business-like and professional, tell her you have enjoyed working for her, learned a lot, and this is a better fit for you. Tell that to the professor also.

Yes, the thank-you notes would be very nice and appropriate. I would leave those on the last day or send them a few days after you start at the new job.

My best advice is to act completely professional here, on the high road all the way. Don’t criticize anything or anyone in the old job, don’t tell your old boss anything negative, even if she asks for your input. Keep everything smooth, positive, on the up and up. You could end up working for or with some of those same people later.

ADad · April 14, 2010, 10:58pm

Congratulations! :)

Does your organization have a Human Resources Department or manager? HR can facilitate transfers within an organization.

I agree with you about the letter of resignation. I would consider what you are doing to be a transfer, not a resignation. I would be surprised if a resignation letter were appropriate for such a transfer within an organization. I would not plan to submit one. (Incidentally, your manager may already know about the transfer. If HR is involved, I would expect that they would tell her.)

Imo, it would be a courtesy to tell the research professor. For one thing, you make sure that she knows right away. Second, you can make sure that she hears a fair statement of why you are changing positions. You never know when you might want/need a good turn from her. Don’t burn bridges.

Thank you notes would be lovely. Still, my own approach would probably be just say thank you in person to most people. “I’ve really enjoyed working with you.” would be great too. I’d probably only write a note to one or two people who have been quite unusually helpful.

Good luck in your new position! :)

zpmqxonw · April 14, 2010, 11:37pm

Awesome, thank you all for the great advice and guidance!

I think I will hold off on the letter of resignation for now. As ADad mentioned, it is more of an internal transfer, rather than a resignation, so that makes sense.

Also, I’m fairly confident that my manager will be aware of the situation by the time I meet with her tomorrow. I’ve been in close contact with my new manager and she let me know that the new PI would like to speak with my manager before, since they have a previous history together. To be honest, I’m relieved that I will not be the first to tell her. I hope it will be a little cleaner this way.

I don’t expect it to be a complete surprise to my manager, regardless, but I don’t think she’ll be very happy about it. In addition to my main role, I am the go-to person for several other needs of the group. I plan to train my replacement to take over all of these duties too, but I don’t know that it will be possible in two weeks, to be honest.

I will also try extremely hard to stay positive during the meeting tomorrow. I have a ton of reasons for leaving besides the issue of fit, but I know it’s not the right place for that.

HImom · April 15, 2010, 3:37am

Congrats–staying positive will go a long way to keep things pleasant, especially since you’ll be working closely/near your former co-workers. Don’t be surprised if you are asked things after the two weeks are up, if the new person who is hired & trained needs a bit more help, since it may take some time to find a suitable replacement and then hire him/her.

zpmqxonw · April 15, 2010, 8:10pm

Well, the good news is that I learned a lot today. The bad news is that today did not go nearly as smoothly as I had hoped it would.

At the scheduled meeting time, I went over to meet with my manager. I had rehearsed the conversation over and over in my head, but it just didn’t go “right.” She asked if there was anything she could say to convince me to stay and I tried to emphasize that it wasn’t anything she did wrong; just that the new position was a better fit.

Then, she mentioned that the new professor had said something about me mentioning I had already told her about it. That was the point where I started to falter. When I was discussing the transition with my new manager yesterday, I mentioned that I did not think my manager would be completely surprised, as I believed she was very aware that I was frustrated with the current situation.

Anyway, somewhere along the line, I think that statement got mistranslated and I was caught off-guard. I explained to my manager that I never said that, but did say I did not think it would be a total surprise to her, since we had met several times before to try to resolve some things that were frustrating to me. I kept trying to steer it back to the new position just being a better fit, but my manager made it seem like it was something she did wrong.

Later, I sent an email to my research professor, as I knew I would not see her until next Tuesday, at the earliest. I wanted to let her know about the change and offer to help make the transition as smooth as possible. The email was received much better, which is not surprising. I am so much better at expressing myself via text, but get flustered when forced to converse in person. Eye contact is just too over-stimulating to me, and I can’t focus when I force myself to do it.

I really hope I don’t have to deal with this situation again soon. Being only 20, I really have no idea about workplace etiquette, and having Asperger’s, I’m pretty darn awkward in person, anyway. I didn’t realize that I should have told my manager ahead a time about the transfer. I think that’s what she was most upset about. In my defense though, she is only in the office a day or two a week. She was not in the office at all from the time I applied to the time that I accepted the job. Still, I will try to remember it for the future.

Thanks to all who offered tips and advice here too. I think they were helpful, but I really should have asked for advice at the beginning of the process. I could have avoided talking about the frustrations I had with my current position, which probably would have made for a smoother transition.

ADad · April 15, 2010, 11:33pm

Congratulations on navigating a challenging meeting and day. It sounds like you handled yourself well. It takes time to feel reasonably comfortable in such meetings.

This must have been particularly hard to handle. It sounds like you did a good job of keeping your head and staying on message.

I think that it would have been more professional for your manager to stick to the facts of the situation, rather than trying to allocate blame for your decision. It is very awkward for you to be in the position of telling her whether or not she did something wrong.

Do you mean that you would tell her before you applied? I would not agree with that. People are free to institute a job search, and to apply for jobs, and to interview, without informing their manager.

The situation can be delicate when transferring within the organization. Your manager, any manager, has a conflict of interest: the good of her department, and at a minimum the ease of doing her job, may seem to require that she keep you, but the good of the organization as a whole may require you to transfer.

Good work! :)

younghoss · April 16, 2010, 9:31am

I’m sorry, but I could not advise you on your company policy about transfers and/or resignations. My experience is that most companies have specific outlines/requirements for such moves.
I wish you good luck though; this sounds like a situation that may lead to hard feelings.

zpmqxonw · April 19, 2010, 2:17am

Thank you all for the well wishes. It appears I’ll need every ounce of luck, as this transfer just does not seem to be going smoothly at all.

I was out of town all weekend and just got back tonight (around 11pm). I was taking a peek at my work email now and noticed that my manager has sent a very lengthy list of tasks to complete prior to my departure in two weeks (10 business days). I’m honestly not sure that it will be possible to finish everything, especially since they’ve also asked that I be in the schools several times a week to run groups. Do I have any options in this situation? Obviously, not finishing all of the tasks is ill-advised, but what happens if the expectations are really just unrealistic?

I also am still really upset that I’ve spent almost two years with this company and had absolutely glowing performance reviews in that time. It’s disappointing to me that they seem to have forgotten about all of that already.

ADad · April 19, 2010, 6:49am

You are more comfortable communicating by email. What if you respond with a measured, detailed email statement of what you feel is realistically possible in two weeks? If you do this, consider sending this message to anyone who received a copy of your manager’s message to you.

ADad · April 19, 2010, 8:38am

You could even attach a reasonable time estimate to each task: a day for this, a half-day for that. Add them all up and, if the total exceeds 10 days, ask your manager which tasks (that add up to 10 days) are the most important to complete.

Do they come across as forgetting? What you described here sounds to me like less-than-fully-professional pique at your departure combined with respect for your skills and an effort to get the most out of those skills in the remaining two weeks.

zpmqxonw · April 20, 2010, 10:40pm

Thanks for the reply, ADad.

At this point, I’m not even sure I’ll be able to finish the two weeks out. Today was probably the worst day I’ve ever had in my history of working there and it’s clear that this will not end well.

limabeans · April 20, 2010, 10:52pm

Hang in there zpmqxonw! This isn’t unusual that your situation feels a bit unsettling. In a way, it makes “saying good-bye” a good thing. And there’s always something that needed to get done. It’s your manager and researcher who are giving you the guilt trip. Don’t buy it. Remember, they wanted you to stay! Just do what you can. Be pleasant. Be helpful. And when your two weeks (or so) are up, move on. And congratulations!

ADad · April 20, 2010, 11:01pm

I’m sorry that things are so horrible.

Is there someone impartial within the organization (e.g. Human Resources) that you could talk if necessary?

I am also sending you a PM.

zpmqxonw · April 22, 2010, 1:24am

Thanks, ADad.

I’m hesitant to contact HR, at this point. I guess I’m just not quite sure how they would be able to help.

After sending a not-so-friendly-email last night, I’ve really tried to reign in my emotions about the situation today. I wasn’t mean last night, I don’t think, but I still was disappointed that I wasn’t a little more polite. Today, I really tried to just focus on getting the work done, and made a lot of progress. I almost fell asleep at my desk because I’ve been working such long days, but I’m hoping I’ll be able to get it done and over with soon.

My main focus now has shifted to being the bigger person here (figuratively, not literally) by maintaining a professional attitude at all times, regardless of what they say or do to me. As it stands now, I have seven days left. I think I can make it 56 more hours…

I am starting to seriously reconsider the whole “two weeks notice” thing for next time though. I know it’s the right thing to do, but as a very sensitive person, I’m not sure that the damage of two weeks of constant criticism and verbal harassment is worth it…

zpmqxonw · April 22, 2010, 9:11pm

Sorry, limabeans! I must have missed your reply earlier, but really appreciate your encouragement and support. :)

At work today, I was trying to finish a big project and needed the label maker from a coworker’s office. The door was closed (and locked), which was unusual, but I could hear that the conversation they were having in the office was not work-related and not about me. I knocked on the door, gestured to the label maker, (sitting on the interior window sill), gestured to the door, and was shocked to see my supervisor stare straight at me and do nothing. I was simply trying to do my job, and none of them could spare the effort it would have taken to walk 5 feet to unlock the door!

I’m almost done with the project now, which is good, but I can’t believe that their antics have remained so childish. I feel like I’m already invisible there, except for when there’s problems, which they blame on me now.

Is this normal workplace behavior? Any tips to avoid repeating this miserable experience in the future?

ADad · April 22, 2010, 9:28pm

Good for you!

Okay, you would be in a position to judge that.

Don’t work for this manager or researcher again! :)

When you interviewed for your current position, did anything occur that, with hindsight, seemed like a bad sign about this manager?

oldfort · April 22, 2010, 9:43pm

No, it’s not always like that. Your manager is being very small. Sure, I’ve been upset with my staff leaving me, especially when they did it behind my back. I have chewed out other managers for stealing my people without giving me heads up. But at the end of day, a good, mature manager is suppose to be supportive when there is a better opportunity for their staff. Once or twice when I have been upset (losing a key person), I have put up a good front to be supportive and happy. Your boss is acting very immaure. Now, I don’t understand why you are obligated in finishing up the project.

Hang in there, you are almost out of there.

zpmqxonw · April 27, 2010, 11:24pm

Thanks for the encouragement, oldfort and ADad.

I’ve only got three more days left! I have worked hard to leave detailed notes about procedures I commonly do, trained a coworker to complete some of my other tasks, and organized my work as best I can. I am almost done with the gigantic list of tasks they asked me to complete, and am getting along better with my manager too.

The research professor, on the other hand, still seems incredibly offended that I’m leaving. I made a little mistake last week and got a scalding lecture about how I still need to do my job, even if I’m transitioning soon. The mistake I made was a small oversight and in no way related to my impending departure, but she keeps going back to it. I honestly think nothing would have been said if things were “normal,” but she completely blew it out of proportion, as a result of the current situation.

My coworkers have told me they, too, were surprised at how unprofessional my supervisors were being. There’s been no announcement that I’m even leaving and no real preparations for a clean transition. It’s like they’re in denial, and I feel very bad about the extra stress it’s caused the people I work with. I know that several others are feeling frustrated now too; it’s interesting to me that a few have even come to talk about how they can’t take it anymore either. I suspect that I won’t be the last to leave and hope that they change the broken, chaotic system soon.

My new manager seems very professional, and a little less flexible, which is good for me, I think. My manager before would have asked me to prep before my start date, for instance, and tack on those hours after I got paid. My new manager, however, wants everything very clean, so I am not to work at all on her project until 9am Monday morning.

My main question now, however, is about the appropriateness of thank you cards? There are a few people who have been especially helpful to me. I’d like to give them a nice, short note of thanks, but I don’t want to give this to everybody. Is this okay to do? Right now, I’m thinking of two coworkers in particular, and my manager. I’m ambivalent about the research professor; she was very kind to me, until she found somebody better.

How to resign from a job gracefully?

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