<p>My college frosh S had a pre-hearing today and was told that if he took responsibility for violating the students code of conduct he would receive a deferred suspension for the next 18 months. The violation would also stay on his record until graduation. He told the pre-hearing officer/person that he needed a couple of days to think about his options. The university’s code of conduct says that this is an administrative hearing and unless there is a potential for a felony charge he can not be represented by an attorney. It seems that young men are targeted for unreasonably harsh treatment these days! What can I do to help him? Btw, he has never been in trouble and is a good student with a scholarship and planning to apply to med school.</p>
<p>Did he violate the code of conduct?</p>
<p>According to the school he did. Personally I think his comment left on voicemail was rude, but not actionable!</p>
<p>Have you looked through the code of conduct to see what actual rule is that the school says he is in violation of?
<a href=“Student Guide to University Policies”>http://www.udel.edu/stuguide/14-15/code.html</a></p>
<p>Yes. Its vague and subjective. The girl whom my S is accused of threatening reported the voicemail to the police officer who asked her if she was threatened by it and of course she said yes. Despite the fact that the accuser caused the incident with spreading false information which caused my S to react, the school is telling him that she was threatened!</p>
<p>Mainly I am very concerned because the school has told him to have no contact with her which he has no problem with as he broke up with her 2 months ago, but they live in adjacent dorms which are connected and she seems to be on his floor often. In addition to the fact that they are in the same academic program and have to take the same classes!</p>
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<p>What was his reaction?</p>
<p>The code of conduct also prohibits students from spreading false information.</p>
<p>Wow. That UDelaware Code of Conduct is an eye-opener! It’s a good thing the OP’s son didn’t do something clearly forbidden, like organizing a scavenger hunt for his dorm floor.</p>
<p>delumom: I have to say, if his mom’s reaction is that his voice mail was “rude but not actionable,” I would probably take the plea deal. And tell him not to talk to her or to hang out where she is, unless it’s a classroom. She can go wherever she wants. He’s too close to the edge, and he’s not going to get a lot of sympathy or support. If he wants to go to medical school, etc., it’s his responsibility to make certain it never happens again. Does that seem unfair? Sure. Tough.</p>
<p>He made a mistake. If she felt threatened, she felt threatened. </p>
<p>If you know the exact details of the deferred suspension, and all it is is that if he makes another “mistake”, they suspend him, I’d suggest he take it, and looking into transferring, <em>if</em> he thinks this girl is likely to impact his ability to stay out of trouble.</p>
<p>Also, it is VERY important that he document that she is often on his floor, if there is anything like a restraining order.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, if he is so “rude” to the point that the university is putting him on deferred suspension, he should get as far away from her as possible. I know people in bad relationships for years and years with restraining orders on both sides of it. If there is a choice to let go and move on, that might be the best idea :(</p>
<p>What is the possible penalty if he doesn’t take the deal? He needs to consider that. If it is 2 years probation, it may be worth the fight. If it is expulsion? It may not be worth the risk. He should also ask the hearing board what they expect him to do since they have classes together and she often comes to his floor. Is he going to be deemed ‘bothering her’ or ‘contacting her’ if they have classes together? If he says hello?</p>
<p>ucbalumnus, the pre hearing staff told me that he could not file a charge bc it will be seen as retaliatory. I just spoke to an attorney who said if he admits making a call and she “feels” threatened by it that is all that matters! Also they won’t allow attorney during the hearings which are administrative in nature unless there is a felony charge pending in the court. As of now, that is not the case. I am baffled by how this young woman is working the system despite the fact that she incited the whole incident by disseminating false information (she was jealous that he has a new girlfriend)! I am looking into having him transfer for the Spring semester even though he loves his school, his friends and his classes :(( This is such nonsense!!</p>
<p>“The violation would also stay on his record until graduation.”</p>
<p>What exactly does this mean? I’d find out. Will it be on his records when med schools are evaluating his application?</p>
<p>Also, just generally speaking, you are hearing one side of the story. The girl’s side may very well have merit.</p>
<p>Can he make arrangements to live off campus next year?
Is the program so small that he is in the same section or can he take his classes different periods than his ex?</p>
<p>What did your son say? Is there audio of this call?</p>
<p>If the person who received this voicemail felt threatened…then she felt threatened. In cases of harassment (and this could be viewed as such), the recipient is the one who determines whether they feel harassed…or not.</p>
<p>Your son made a mistake. it sounds like the school will allow him to continue as a student IF no other infractions take place. He needs to find out if this will be completely expunged from his record upon graduation. He also needs to know exactly where it appears on his record.</p>
<p>I’m sorry, but I do not believe young men are treated any more severely than young women in cases like this. But my guess is less young men feel threatened by phone voice mails than perhaps young women might.</p>
<p>This is a tough lesson to learn…but really…it sounds like the school has made their determination. I’m not sure what you think a lawyer would do to change that.</p>
<p>If the young woman went as far as reporting the voicemail to police, sounds like she really felt threatened. And it also sounds like the school, on listening to the voicemail, felt that her feeling threatened was a reasonable reaction.</p>
<p>I would have him moved to a dorm farther away . Living in a connecting dorm with someone he is to stay away from could be a problem. Then make sure he isn’t enrolled in courses with her, for at least next semester. It seems like an advisor would be willing to help with the scheduling.</p>
<p>If the deferred suspension means that it’s gone off his record when he graduates and if it means life goes on as long as he doesn’t do anything untoward…I’d take it, but I would make the deferred suspension contingent on being able to live as far away as possible from the girl and ask that they not be in the same classes if at all possible. I think he should take the lead on wanting to get far away from the girl.</p>
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<p>Perhaps it would be… but him being found in violation of the code of conduct should not excuse any violations of the code of conduct by her. It is certainly possible for both of them to be in the wrong (or the wrong side of the rules).</p>
<p>What the university administration is effectively saying is that, in some sort of petty dispute where both are in the wrong, the first one to report wins and gets immunity.</p>
<p>The record is cleared when he graduates. But what if he transfers?</p>
<p>Can he get people who received the false information to write and sign something to that effect?</p>