<p>Parents, I’m asking you for help because you all seem to have the most wisdom. </p>
<p>I’m a pretty good student (3.87 GPA) and good test scores (2100). I’m probably 3rd or 4th in my class. However, my family owns a lot of real estate so we don’t qualify for any financial aid. A lot of people keep asking me for my college list, the list I give them is:
-Franklin and Marshall
-Dickinson
-Goucher
-American
-Smith
-Bryn Mawr (no merit aid)
-Hampshire
-Warren-Wilson
-Oberlin
The fact is, that almost every school on my list, I have a really good shot at some great merit aid. But, when I tell people my schools, particularly my teachers, that are shocked and disappointed that I wouldn’t be applying to all Ivy League (and similarly ranked schools). When I tell them I need merit money, they say “the Ivies have GREAT financial aid, anybody can make an Ivy League education work.” Well the thing is, I DON’T think my family can, and it’s really awkward to say that a)I don’t qualify for financial aid and b) that my family is choosing not to pay 200k for college. People try to make my family out to be bad people just because they won’t fork over much more than 120k for school and I don’t want to be 80k in debt by graduation. </p>
<p>How should I respond to people’s incredulous expressions and complaints about my college list?</p>
<p>I have seen a similar problem regarding DS in some circles. We have similar financial issues as your parents. My boss: “he should be looking at Harvard!” (DS doesn’t really have the grades for Harvard - or the personality.) I have decided not to talk about it with the boss unless he presses me on it. Not worth trying to explain the situation. </p>
<p>Maybe rather than just blatting out your list, which is fine, btw, you can decide to sometimes be a little coy and just say something like “oh, we’re still working on it - so many to choose from, haha” and change the subject.</p>
<p>The “smile and nod” thread might prove helpful:</p>
<p>ETA: When people ask DS, he throws out Cornell U as his reach school. That seems to pacify some people, even though we couldn’t afford that either.</p>
<p>You do not have to response neither with college list nor with explanation why. It is your private business and nobody’s else. She graduted #1 in her class and continue having straight “A” in college. Both her HS counselor and pre-med advisor at college wants her to apply to elite / Ivy…etc. She has no desire to do so, and has applied to UG of her choice and planning to do the same in respect to Med. School. I am glad that she is mature to stand her own ground and not listen to anybody. My advice - do the same. Only you know your personal circumstances and goals. Others should stay away, no explanations needed.</p>
<p>You don’t have to tell people anything, but that is often easier said than done. If someone makes a negative comment about your list just tell them that these schools offer the programs you want and you feel they are schools you can be happy attending (and they are great schools). If you want to tell them you’re hoping for merit scholarships, that’s up to you. There are a lot of people out there who are clueless. You’re being smart and it will be to your benefit in the end.</p>
<p>A woman who works for my dad had a daughter who had the same problem. She was a 4.0 34 or 35 ACT and valedictorian, and she ended up going to Central Michigan University. A lot of people scoffed at her, but she got a full ride scholarship that is considered just as prestigious as going to a lot of the Ivy Leagues (only about 20 people get it) Just do what you want, and tell people that they can do what they want, butt out!</p>
<p>Let it go in one ear and out the other until you can’t stand it anymore. When you feel the need to explain your decision, simply tell them that you’re very happy with your college list and you’re comfortable knowing that each and every one of them appear to be a wonderful fit for you. </p>
<p>When someone gets really obnoxious about it, you have my permission to give it right back to them. :)</p>
<p>I agree with the other poster who said most people are clueless (about how college is paid for, fin aid, scholarships etc), and that includes teachers and guidance counselors.</p>
<p>“…she got a full ride scholarship that is considered just as prestigious as going to a lot of the Ivy Leagues (only about 20 people get it).”</p>
<p>So, so true. My theory is that there a few colleges in this country that have nearly universal recognition. Everyone who knows that you are smart thinks you should apply because they KNOW you will get in and of course, because the school is so prestigious, your family and you will do what ever you can to make it happen for you. </p>
<p>However, you are quite mature to look at schools that will want you and want you enough that they will pay for you to attend. When DD decided where she was going to school (full tuition scholarship), her college counselor pulled her aside and told her that many of her (private school) classmates would be shocked that she had selected the lower ranked school, but that the school she had chosen was a fine school. When my daughter told me the story, she added: “Like I care what my classmates think.”</p>
<p>People are really wound up about prestige–or perceived prestige. This is a great benefit for those few schools that people think are the pinnacle of higher education and admission to the schools will guarantee a lifetime of fame, fortune, and success. Good luck with your search. I hope you get lots of wonderful $$$ offers.</p>
<p>My D is getting the same sort of responses from her peers. She’s very frustrated because we’re in the same boat – we may qualify for some aid (maybe 10k) but by no means can we afford to fork over the remaining 45K. And, I just cannot justify having my daughter be possibly 75k in debt BEFORE she gets to grad school. These tuition prices have simply spun out of control, and by jumping on this crazy train, we’re facilitating our children’s enlistment into a culture of debt.</p>
<p>I agree with everybody…but…make sure you and your parents really understand the financial aid situation before you make a decision based primarily on finances. Don’t just assume that real estate holdings will keep you from getting aid at more selective schools–do the research.</p>
<p>I work with many parents that could easily afford full-pay privates but will only pay for in-state publics. I work with other parents that will pay for full-pay privates, sometimes with loans. Every household is different. It may be that your parents consider the value of the schools that you’re looking at to be better than the others.</p>
<p>Nobody else has a say as to what you do unless they’re willing to foot the bill.</p>
<p>We have discussions here on the myths and realities of financing college and there are a lot of people out there that feel that there’s a ton of money for those with good scores and grades. The reality is that colleges are a business and someone has to pay to keep them running.</p>
<p>There are parents out there that won’t or can’t contribute anything for higher ed. You could just state that you’ve grateful to your parents for funding the schools that you are interested in.</p>
<p>When we went through this process (DD just finished freshman year), I looked around for schools that offered merit aid (I wish I had looked on this site earlier). We knew that we would not qualify for any need-based aid. We encouraged our daughter to apply to whatever schools she wanted regardless of cost and then I asked her to apply to a couple of schools with merit opportunities. </p>
<p>Like many parents, I thought that my little precious would earn some of the local scholarships with her outstanding record (she earned $0 and I was grateful that I had not hounded her to apply for more); however, even if she had earned a couple, they would have come in too late to consider them as money to pay for freshmen year.</p>
<p>Anyway, OP, I think that you can just say that you are looking for merit money as a way to “pay your own way.”</p>
<p>You have gotten some good advice as to how to handle those who do not know your family’s finances, and do not understand how financial aid and scholarships work.</p>
<p>I just want to say that I think that you absolutely have the right idea when it comes to choosing schools, and I want to wish you good luck not only with respect to admissions, but with your merit awards! You sound like a very mature and responsible person who cares about how tuition will be manageable for you and for your family.</p>
<p>I agree with Hunt, do a little research, and if you haven’t already started to plug numbers into financial aid estimators, try this as well. However, Your FAFSA and a CSS profile, along with consultation from individual colleges as to how they determine aid, will be the only real way to figure out where you stand.
I also think it’s worth asking yourself: Is it really worth the extra debt and just muddling through (financially) to attend a prestigious school? What will your “financial misery factor” be – not just after you graduate when the loan payments kick in, but on a day-to-day basis while you are in school? Will you be continuously scraping around to buy that extra textbook, or new coat? I suppose that imposed thriftiness builds character, but when you can choose between a great scholarship or hardship, I think I may choose scholarship. The schools on your list are perfectly wonderful institutions, try to look past the intangible allure of “prestige” and employ common sense.</p>
<p>Now, if I could only get my daughter to to the same thing! ;)</p>
<p>Audellmom–The OP is not seeking the prestige nor is she interested in going into debt. It’s her teachers who think she needs to go for prestige.</p>
<p>You don’t have to tell them anything, but people can be persistent. You could always make up a list. I only applied to one college 30 years ago, but when people would ask me, I would throw out several names; this seemed to satisfy them.</p>
<p>From what I’ve learned in my years on CC, while your GPA and test scores are good, they certainly would not guarantee you admittance to an ivy. A lot of people don’t realize how competitive they have become.</p>
<p>MD Mom – you are correct, I’m sorry. It’s too bad that even the counselor is not terribly supportive. You would think that they may be a bit more even-handed.</p>
<p>Thanks for the great advice (and sorry about the typos in my original post). My sister is currently in college and we have filled out our FAFSA and the Profile and receive no aid. Our EFC is $99,999 or something like that. We have about 3 million dollars in commerical real estate which sounds like a lot, but really, that’s about one small office building (so keep in mind, these are not luxury vacation homes, but office buildings that we rent out for income) which is why, despite not having a super high income, we don’t receive any financial aid. </p>
<p>I appreciate your responses. I feel like all the schools on my list really do fit me quite well and I would love the opprotunities I would get there and love the money I will save myself and my family. I hope other people are able to look beyond the Ivy League and learn that different schools are for different people. Unfortunately my guidance counselors, teachers, and fellow class mates have not been able to do so yet. </p>
<p>And MamaBear, I know full well I don’t have the stats to be considered a solid candidate for Ivies. However, people at school are delusional about the admissions process. They think that because I am, as they say, “an overachiever,” that I can get into whatever school I want.</p>