A young worker at my work place is going on a Mission trip to Africa. Another worker who goes to the same church and is very close to this worker kind of put us on the spot yesterday saying we should “pass the hat” to help her with fundraising. It is not the kind of thing I am willing to contribute to so I am trying to find a way to graciously say no.
They go to Africa, stay in nice hotels and go round visiting schools their church sponsors and doing craft projects with the students. On the way back they spend a couple of days in Paris (heck, I wish I could go!). It sounds like a wonderful experience, but not something I want to fund. I give to charity and have donated to mission trips our church have done - but they drove in a van to a poor part of the US, camped out (literally, sleeping bags on the floor) in empty schools during the summer months, and spent their days doing hard physical labor building and repairing homes for people in need. I can fully get behind something like that where they are actually helping people. I balk at paying for someone to have a lovely trip even if it is called a mission trip. For instance, I refused to sponsor my dad years ago when he went on a sponsored walk fundraising thing to Nepal as a good chunk of the funds would have gone to pay for the flights. I told him if he was doing the walk in London, where we lived, I’d sponsor him. But I wasn’t paying for him to go to Nepal. And my daughter’s friend was going on a mission trip where they were basically going to the beach and handing out leaflets and I said no. (FWIW I am not a particularly religious person but do like things like the mission trip where they were actually helping people. I would not financially support a trying to convert people type of trip because that something I vehemently do not believe in).
I hate being put on the spot like this. The same woman who is close to this girl often puts us on the spot like that. Just decides we are giving something to someone as a group and tells us our share is $xx ( last year it was a fairly large sum as a gift to this same girl when she graduated college - she decided what we were going to buy her and told us our share was $30 each - that is a lot to a lot of the employees here). I have just gone along before, but I really feel I want to draw the line here.
So, should I explain why I am not willing to contribute. Just say no with no explanation. Any advice wise CCers.
I’d take her aside and explain your position; she’s probably oblivious about the fact that some people don’t see the merit in the same causes. Tell her you prefer to concentrate your charitable donations to a handful of causes that you really believe in, as opposed to spreading yourself thin across a lot of small donations.
I like the idea of saying that you have other charities you give to regularly and this is not in your budget. I think you need to give a clear no to this woman who repeatedly thinks she can tell you how to spend your money.
@musicmerit@NUwildcat92 I do like the idea of saying something along those. I’m probably overthinking my response. After she came up with the comment yesterday, I just want to be prepared. (FWIW, No one there jumped in and got out their wallets - there wasn’t really much of a response at all though one worker asked what the trip involved - I just suspect this is not the end of it).
In my previous jobs, if we were getting a gift for someone when they were leaving or had a baby or whatever, you just gave what you wanted to give and then they decided what to buy based on what they got. Had never been in the situation of being told - give $xx.
I worked for a larger company that had a clear no soliciting policy - for everything from Avon products to nonprofit fundraising to girl scout cookie, boy scout popcorn, candy bars for your kids’ sports team. It was great because otherwise you were constantly getting hit up for one thing or another. Not sure how big your company is but perhaps for future situations a chat with HR might be appropriate to establish a general policy on such things.
I would feel frustrated if I was in your shoes. It sounds like a nice chat with the woman who puts people on the spot is in order.
@doschicos - that sounds wonderful. This is a very small company (maybe 15 people). No HR department (they often do things that HR at other companies I have worked at would have had a stroke about!).
I do feel like next time she tells us what to give, I should say that I think that is a lot for some people. I don’t mind giving to things I choose to give to, but think the amount should be something I decide on.
Will your refusal to participate in this fundraiser cause you any backlash that would threaten your job security? Will your job or professional career be impacted? If so, you might want to approach HR for assistance in derailing this coworker.
I am familiar with the pressure to participate, and the dirty looks and “scrooge” nickname that can get passed around for those who don’t want to participate in birthday club, baby showers, etc. But being told you will donate X number of dollars is outrageous. I agree with your decision to stand up against this coworker who is assuming participation from everyone.
I would not give details of why you will not participate. “I’m sorry my budget doesn’t allow any donations at this time. I wish you well on your trip, and look forward to seeing the photos when you return.” Assume there will be a followup, maybe a last minute appeal “she is only $200 away from her goal, let’s pitch in and push her over the top.” Keep strong and use the same line again.
@swimcatsmom I suggest being proactive about it and bringing it before there is a “next time”. Heck, use college tuition costs and a tight budget as your excuse if it makes the conversation easier to broach. I’m sure some of your fellow coworkers feel the same way and will be glad you did. Just channel your inner Miss Manners.
I’m having a little difficulty with my inner Miss Manners right now, LOL. “Hell no” doesn’t seem quite appropriate.
Don’t have any college expenses, (I know, why am I still here).
It wouldn’t cause any backlash or put my job at risk. I’m just uncomfortable being put on the spot.
I think the only person who would give the dirty looks would be the woman in question. She’s one those that is always badmouthing people though she has stopped doing it to me mostly as I try very hard not to get involved in these conversations with her (I have absolutely no doubt I am the subject of them!).
@powercropper “I’m sorry my budget doesn’t allow any donations at this time. I wish you well on your trip, and look forward to seeing the photos when you return.” . That is Perfect. I need to practice this so it comes out sounding natural and not like I have been practicing it.
Or I might just use the “Just say “no” “not right now” or “let me think about it” No explanation necessary”
I guess I over think things. I need to remember the old KISS rule (keep it simple stupid).
Just say “Sorry, NO, not this time around”. For years I was put on the spot at my place of employment for every occasion: new baby, new house, hospital stay, engagement, mission trips, sports raffles, school fundraisers, etc. It took about a year of saying NO but now its assumed I will not contribute and I’m okay with not being asked any longer. If it is someone/something I personally care about, I do an individual, personalized gift or card.
I have managed a Christmas gift charity for local kids in foster homes for the 25 years I’ve been at my workplace and have never personally requested anyone contribute. I find it classless to put people on the spot. I simply have a board where you can pick a kids’ name (and wish list) if you choose to. Its funny that those same people who are always collecting for employees every birthday, baby or sickness are the ones the least likely to contribute to the charity I run. I think they like the validation they get with everyone knowing how much they contribute.
Please just say no, not “not now or maybe later” because they’ll just keep coming back and will get more frustrated each time they are put off. When D was younger and selling girl scout cookies door to door one neighbor would tell her not this week, maybe next week and she would diligent go back each week and be told the same thing. Would have been much better to say “no, not in the budget but best of luck to you!”
This is completely outrageous. And she goes around bad mouthing people? Clearly, you should have no worries about offending other coworkers if you don’t cave in to her demands anymore. They may all line up and cheer!
“I’m sorry I cannot give anything right now”. When she pushes you can add, “I’m sorry, but for personal reasons I cannot give anything right now”. When she pushes again or asks for help with that last $200 you can shake your head sadly and say, “I’m sorry but for PERSONAL reasons I cannot give anything right now.”
I agree that you certainly can say that you are sorry but cannot contribute. I have a few charities that are important to me and that is what I donate to.
Just say no. NO excuses/reasons needed. Make it your policy to not give donations solicited from work.
Perhaps there is a way you can bring up the topic of in office solicitations with the boss/manager/person in charge for a staff meeting. This meeting could address the issues and determine a policy. Being harassed for donations is detrimental to doing one’s job.
I totally disagree with religious missions! Could write nasty pages here. I despise people promoting religion when giving needed/wanted secular services. They have a captive audience who should not be recruited. Their work can be done regardless of some belief in any religion. The price tag associated with their work demeans them.
Tongue in cheek- perhaps you should solicit funds from her for an atheist cause close to home! That would fluster her- asking for her cause then not being willing to support yours, which by its nature is antithetical to hers! You could cause more in office strife by being vocal about how she won’t support your pet cause.
You don’t owe anyone an explanation for how or why you spend your money. It’s inappropriate for her to issue you a bill, but once you complain about the amount you’ve told her that she can and now you’re just haggling over the price.
I would just say no, sorry, and move on. This is key for dealing with people like that. Don’t let her push you for reasons or get drawn into a discussion about the merits of the project, and don’t try to fill any uncomfortable silences. If she presses, I’d mention that she seems to do a lot of fundraising for this young woman and while it’s nice that she’s taken her on as a charity project, it’s presumptuous to decide for everyone else that they should support her.
I find religious people who solicit donations for religious purposes(mission trips definitely fit into this category) without regard to whether the person they were soliciting is affiliated with the same religion/church to be a bit odd and IMO…wrong for effectively imposing his/her religion on non-affiliates.
Whenever I was asked for a donation to religious organizations that I’m not affiliated with…especially one involving proselytizing, I have no issues saying no and to suggest they ask their fellow believers/church members for donations.
Granted, I’ve had some practice from refusing such requests from the fundamentalist evangelical portions of family and some past acquaintances from Opus Dei or other fundamentalist religious organizations.
Your co-worker is a bully. Since you will probably have to put up with her for as long as you work there, then I think a casual no, rather than a formal, take-a-stance no is what you need to give. A casual no looks like this: Shrug shoulders and confidently say, “Oh, sorry, I can’t right now” in an apologetic tone, then get back to some work task. Don’t say anything else. No excuses, no “maybe laters.”
A formal no is one where you lay out a principle for your no. “Oh, my husband and I decide early in the year what charities we give to and we’re sticking to our budget.” “I’m sorry, but I’ve made it a principle not to give to workplace solicitations. This makes it easier for people who can’t afford it to say no.” “I only support missionary organizations run by the Catholic church.” “I am an atheist/agnostic and wouldn’t feel right giving to a religious group.”
I think the casual no would work better for this type of bully.
And I totally agree that this trip sounds more like a junket than an actual mission trip. I know a lot of families who regularly go on mission trips together. Usually, there’s one night at the end in a nicer place to debrief before returning home, but much of the trip is hard work, and the missionaries live among the people they are serving.
