<p>You’ve received a lot of good advice here. I just have a couple of things to add from my own experience. </p>
<p>At my first job after college, every time I had a challenge, I would go ask my boss. First thing he’d say is, “What do YOU think the answer/solution is?” Then I’d talk out my decision and rationale. Usually I was right, and that built confidence in my own decision-making ability. Otherwise, he’d point out other issues. I’ve used this technique with my kids. It’s one strategy that you can incorporate. As others have said, you have to start somewhere.</p>
<p>I understand the closeness and the control issues with kids, and it’s been a process to let go and let them make their own decisions. But I never had the extreme situation you’re in now. Some have suggested therapy and, based on my own experience, it is helpful in learning to let go of control (whether it’s with a child, a spouse, other family members). It helps you see the situation that you’ve created and why, and learn strategies to extricate yourself from that center position - which only enhances relationships and, in the case of your kids, can help them grow up to become happy, independent adults.</p>
<p>When they make decisions that you wouldn’t agree with, see what happens. You will be pleasantly surprised when everything works out ok. Perhaps not as you thought it would, but it was ok. And if they make a mistake, it’s a learning experience for them to dig out of it. If you foresee an issue that is dangerous, I would speak up. But only then.</p>
<p>Selecting a college is a big decision for a teen, but they are capable of evaluating their needs/desires in conjunction with your financial guidance. Ask HER where she wants to go. Have her talk it out. Do not give your opinion. What does she THINK she wants to study? (That doesn’t have to be decided now!). Above all, she should pursue what makes HER happy since she will have to wake up and do it every day (and there’s no way of knowing right now what job/field will still be applicable in 10 years).</p>
<p>I’m sorry that you left this issue till now, but it’s good that you recognize it, have posted here and, hopefully, will take some of the advice offered by other parents. Good luck.</p>