<p>This may seem a rather odd question but I thought I’d post here because I’m out of ideas.</p>
<p>The relationship bug just hit me (four years after everyone else, it seems). I don’t relate at all to any friends from my hometown who also go to my college. Thus any relationship I hit is long distance half the year, either due to only seeing each other in college or during breaks.</p>
<p>I’ve only got one solid friend from HS that’s a prospect; she was the only one to write me over the break to seem geniunely interested in how I was doing. (I prefer knowing first as friends and then as romantic partners, not the other way around.) Tried relating to other college folks but had no luck; the moment first semester ended, that was the last I heard from them. (I’ve had folks suggest to me “out of sight, out of mind.” I don’t believe in that doctrine because any relationship I hit (my first) is LD for the reasons above.) People also say that LDs don’t work but I don’t buy that, either.</p>
<p>Don’t become her friend first. Talk to her a few times and then ask her out. Doing any other way will land you in the friends zone 9 times out of 10. If you can get that first date, play it all by ear.</p>
<p>I agree. First off, LD’s can work but you need to nkow that both people are COMMITTED. It really depends on the type of person you are. If you can wait to have your first relationship until college, you can probably commit to an LD. If on the other hand, you don’t have serious relationships because you’re too easily tempted to stray - then there is no way an LD will work.</p>
<p>If you’re seriously looking for something serious and determined to make it work, it should go fine (assuming the other is feeling the same way).</p>
<p>Well, we mention the friend zone here. What is funny is that when I was in eighth grade this girl a year younger than me developed a huge crush on me. I later found out from her friend that she had pictures of me in her locker (and I wondered where the hell she got them). I also didn’t even know her. Two years later she’s up at the high school. Late in the year I meet her because she winds up eventually going out with my good friend! The two of us became good friends and the crush (or any newer crush) has never been mentioned between us. We’re just good buddies.</p>
<p>I do think that getting to know someone well who is in the friends circle can eventually lead to dating. One of my friends knew this girl as a friend for about four years. They eventually went out after some deep conversations and some action on his part (like Valentine’s day gifts). While they did break up eventually, it was just interesting to see that brew. Turns out he had a crush on her the day he first saw her in fifth grade!</p>
<p>Replying to #4…said relationship will be my first. And I’m about to hit second semester of my freshman year in college.</p>
<p>I come from the school of thought that expects people to follow through on commitments, verbal or written. I’m this way with correspondence; when I say I’ll call or write, I do so, and promptly, not waiting for four weeks to do it.</p>
<p>One of my biggest pet peeves is when people tell me they’ll write and then don’t. I got this over the winter break; I wrote to see what others were doing but only just started getting responses within the last couple of days when the respondent is already back for spring semester, meaning we can’t meet.</p>
<p>Replying to #5…it should go fine. If other person is interested I should be able to figure it out. (And I also believe if two people are meant to be, nothing can separate them.)</p>
<p>Just want to add to what I said in #4: you want to make sure the other person shares your views and experiences with commitment (I say experiences because what you say is often very different from what you do so even if they say they’ll be committed but you know they had cheated on people in the past - watch out!)</p>
<p>From the lofty perspective of being married for 20+ years …</p>
<p>When you meet the <em>one</em> you will know it. There may be several <em>ones</em> at different points in your life (depending on the fate of the <em>one</em> before …) but in my experience, when you meet a person who will change your life, there’s this little <em>zing</em> that says "THIS ONE, I need to know <em>THIS ONE</em>.</p>
<p>When you are in your late teens, early 20s you may not recognize the <em>zing</em>. It may be confused with an instant physical attraction. But what I am speaking of is different – there’s a mental connection, not just a physical attraction. </p>
<p>So … how to meet that special one? Just keep meeting people and not trying to overanalyze. And then go with the flow. And don’t worry about its being long distance or next door or on the moon. If it’s meant to be, one way or another you will be in each others’ lives.</p>
<p>Dude, friends first only works if you genuinely wanted her as a friend first and both of your feelings somehow change later. Those types of relationships make up like 5% of all relationships. 95% start romantically. No one knows more than one or two couples that started as friends, but everyone can think of at least twenty couples that started out dating. The friends first ones also arent usually between close friends like you’re proposing, they’re between people that knew each other sort of well for a while, then when they got to know each other really well it cliqued. Go for the date first. You don’t want to put in 6 months of friendship expecting a relationship and get screwed. </p>
<p>If people don’t respond to you and commit to you, you have to think about the common denominator in all these interactions. The common denominator is you, you’re not intriguing them enough to make them want to be a part of your life. </p>
<p>It’s not long distance if you see someone from your school by the way. 3 months isn’t half the year, and you can visit in the summer. Not so with schoolyear. Think about it the way as friendships. Generally on the whole people spend alot more time with their college friends than their high school friends throughout the year.</p>
<p>OK, I have a story to share about this “friends” thing…</p>
<p>There’s this guy I know. We’ll call him Mike to protect his identity. Same with his friend, who we’re calling Joe. Mike was in marching band along with Joe, they had been best friends for years. Now Joe liked this girl two years younger than him (we’ll call her Sue) but was dumped after her parents thought he was too old for him. They were no longer friends either. Joe asked Sue out on day one and got a nice nine-week relationship. Mike became friends with Sue mostly through Joe but they still got along really well after Joe was dumped. Now Sue met a girl a year younger than her (three years younger than Mike and Joe) who we’ll refer to as Kate. Kate and Mike got to know each other fairly well one day, but a few weeks later (the next they saw each other) Joe asked Kate out despite Kate saying she didn’t want a boyfriend at that time. Joe invited Kate to hang with him in the hallways with him before school. Kate instead got to know Mike better. By December, Mike and Kate were good friends. However, around March, Mike started to realize he had deeper feelings for Kate. He never told her or any of his friends for that matter except for his older brother (the dude who told me about this). I heard they got really emotional on their last day of school (both of them).</p>
<p>Now Kate evidently lists herself as single and looking…anyone suppose she knew of Mike? And if Mike were to return to his hometown and ask Kate out, do you think she’d accept since he’s been away so long and hasn’t communicated much with her?</p>
<p>Just a scenario…I want to help Donny (the big brother) out since I guess Mike still thinks of this girl every night. And for the record, I have met Kate and she is a really sweet girl.</p>
Long distance relationships are extraordinarily difficult. This is especially true for college kids. If you have had no relationships, then you don’t have all that much to compare it to, frankly. </p>
<p>How do you start a serious relationship?
You become happy without one.</p>
<p>I can’t believe you’re asking this on College Confidential. Still, I suppose it is better than asking it on one of the boards where the academic robots(oh my God, I fail at life, I got a B! kids) hang out.</p>
<p>Being friends first is a recipe for disaster… she’ll misinterpret your intentions, and you’ll misinterpret her friendliness. It can be done, though. My current girlfriend grew up next door to me and we’d been friends since middle school.</p>
<p>If you’re in college, you have unbelievably open horizons, regardless of where you go. Any girl is a potential girlfriend, you just have to have the drive and confidence in yourself to pursue her. These things can only be developed with practice and a personal decision to do so on your part.</p>
<p>Take a chance. Reach out beyond the familiar. You might be rejected, you might not. But you’ll never know if you don’t try.</p>
<p>I think it is a bad idea to be friends with a girl you like first. Girls like guys that are exciting, guys that will sweep them off their feet. Not guys that will hover around them for a few months trying to work up the courage to ask them out. Ask her out ASAP, or she will move on.</p>
<p>Oh and LD relationships are very hard…I’m in one right now and it may be ending soon…</p>
<p>Usually a relationship does not need to be planned. If there is a connection there is a connection and it just happens. Its not like you have to plan it to become a ‘serious’ relationship… just take it as it comes. If you have to think about it then it usually means they are not right person for you.</p>